Woman #1: Yeah, so I dropped my baggage off at my mother’s house the other day.
Woman #2: Are you going on a trip somewhere?
Woman #1: No, I just needed her to babysit for a while.
Woman #2: Babysit what? I don’t get it.
Woman #1: The children, dammit! The children!
Woman #2: Relax! At first you said baggage…Oh, I see now.
–Macy’s, Queens Center Mall
Guy: You know, for a hundred dollars, you can get that old mink stole
made into a teddy bear!
–M104 bus
Overheard by: Ron Caldwell
Hipster girl: She was all, “Yeah, Betsy is my best friend,” and I was like, “Best friend? That is so fucking bourgeois.”
–L train
Girl: I know you made it. Look at you. You got a BlackBerry. Yeah, you made it. You got that good-smelling leather.
–Elevator, 12th & 5th
Overheard by: Thirsty Violet
Professor lady: Yes, we’ll be going into debt a lot as the semester goes on.
–Parsons School of Design
Overheard by: Ray
Teen boy: Anyone on this train wanna buy some candy? It’s not for a basketball team or something, it’s for me so I can buy more candy.
–2 train
Overheard by: Sarah
Intercom: Please take a headset before you get on the plane, because they’re free now. They’re actually free once you get on the plane, but I charge $50 labor for bringing them to you once you’re on. So it’s in your best interests to take one now. Can you tell I’m a happy person?
–LaGuardia
Chick: I’m not even gonna try applying for a Gap card; they’ll never give it to me. I don’t know what it is about Gap; they always know if you have bad credit.
–The Gap, 34th & Broadway
Overheard by: Dianora
Tween boy: What do you mean, I can’t get anything? I’m the one with a job.
–Key Food, Park Slope
Overheard by: Shack
Girl #1: Did you see those other glasses I tried on?
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #1: I looked like Amelia Earhart.
–Charlotte Russe, Manhattan Mall
Overheard by: Andrea West
Girl #1: Look at the clerk…You know what they say about Chinese
clerks…
Girl #2: Shh, Jord, let’s not be racist in public.
–Blockbuster, 56th & 1st
Chick #1: Look, this one lights up and oh, there’s a bunny on the
end.
Chick #2: In case the orgasm wasn’t enough?
–Toys in Babeland, Mercer Street
Store girl: “Fraternity test”?
Store guy: I’ve been saying it that way all these years.
–K-mart, East 8th Street
Man: All our stores are in the St. Louis area.
Woman: So all your stores are in Ohio?
–Javits Center
Dude #1: What’d that guy want?
Dude #2: White guy wanted to know where the Kangol hat store was.
Dude #1: Him?
Dude #2: Yeah, must be from Jersey.
–Times Square
Overheard by: chris b.
Dude: Do you guys sell bling?
Store guy: All the way in the back, under the skeleton pimp.
–Halloween Adventure, 4th Avenue
Overheard by: Hank Luxford
