Wednesday One-Liners Lead with Their Nipples

12-year-old girl to friend: So, he asked me for a piggyback ride and grabbed onto my boobs! Isn’t that what you call sexism? When you’re a perv? Sexist?

–6th & Houston

Overheard by: Ha, ha, Mal.

Man on cell: You’re an eight, but you’d be a ten if your boobs were bigger…

–19th & 7th

Girl: Where’s my phone? … Oh, there’s my boob.

–Prospect Heights, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Mariah

Woman on cell: I have to throw my breasts around and tell every guy I want to have sex with them at work.

–68th & 2nd

Chick on cell: I haven’t yet met him, you know, but he has a Christmas card featuring my boobies on his fridge.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on June 10, 2015
Brooklyn, Cell Phone, Compliments, Default, Girls, Harassment, Holidays, Kids, Men, On Cell, Questions, Rack, Soho, Trains Not Subway, Upper East Side, West Village, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Know It’s Better to Look Good Than to Feel Good

Girl: I want a Marc Jacobs bag, and I don’t care if it’s made of baby cow!

–Outside the Met

Overheard by: wants baby cow bag, too

Guy, explaining his pants: Yeah, they look gay, but they make my junk look huge.

–Midtown

Man picking up trash to woman picking up trash: How you gonna make ten dollars an hour and have people making minimum wage looking better than you?

–Madison Sq Park

Shopaholic: I know! One time I thought there was more to life than that. But then I went back to Bloomingdale’s.

–59th & Madison

Overheard by: DM Cook

Teenage girl on phone: So where are you?…So,what happened?…Not to your shoe! In the hospital!

–Central Park

Overheard by: concerned trespasser

Cougar-in-Training, looking at non-trendy partygoers: Clearly they don’t belong here.

–Rooftop party, the SoHo House

Posted on June 7, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Biotechs, Central Park, Fashion, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Penis, Preppies, Shopping, Soho, Teens, Upper East Side

That’s Right, 25 Became the New 30 Last Week

Guy: We are such yuppies.
Girl: What’s a yuppie?
Guy: It stands for Young Urban Professional.
Girl: Oh, I thought it just meant anyone who lives in New York who’s under the age of 25.

–Angelika, Houston Street

Posted on June 2, 2015
Girls, Manhattan, Money & Class, Movie Theaters, Soho, Yuppies

Must Be a Booty Call

Drunk girl #1: God, I have to take a piss. I hope this chick hurries up.

Phone rings.

Drunk girl #2: Is that your phone? I love that ring. Who is it?
Drunk girl #1: It’s Richard. Who the fuck is Richard?
Drunk girl #2: Well, answer it and find out.
Drunk girl #1: I’m not answering if I don’t know who the fuck it is.

They stare at each other and think real hard.

Drunk Girl #1: OOHHH! Richard’s my dad.

–Milady’s, Soho

Overheard by: rhyno

Posted on May 30, 2015
Bars & Clubs, Drinking & Drunk People, Manhattan, Parents, Poop, Soho

Just Sperm Of Dubious Provenance

Cosmetology student #1: I'm so happy I got my period.
Cosmetology student #2: What, you're not on the pill or condoms?
Cosmetology student #1: No, I don't let chemicals into my body. (takes long drag on a Lucky Strike)

–Varick & Vandam

Overheard by: Aveda Esthiology Student

Posted on May 22, 2015
Condoms, Happiness, Menstruation, Smoking, Soho, Students, Stupidity

For Some Reason, It Makes Casting Directors Lose Respect for You

Girl: You should go first, then you can sleep through the rest of them.
Guy: Well, I'm not stripping anymore, so that's good.

–Broadway & Prince, Soho

Overheard by: TJ

Posted on May 18, 2015
Advice, Girls, Guys, Soho, Strippers, Weirdness

Unfortunately It’s All Downhill From There…

Guy Clubber: Hey, Shorty!!
Girl Clubber: Ya?
Guy Clubber: I just got to tell you that you have the best forehead I’ve ever seen…but don’t get too cute.
Girl Clubber: Umm…OK?

–Club NV, Soho

Overheard by: Debony Miller

Posted on May 14, 2015
Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Pick-up Lines, Soho

That's What You Say About Every Train

College guy to friends: Where does the z train go?
Friend #1: Never heard of it before.
Friend #2: It's probably that train in the third Matrix movie.

–Canal St

Overheard by: justin

Posted on April 29, 2015
Directions, Friends, Movies, Public Transportation, Questions, Soho, Students

Wednesday One-Liners Lick Themselves with Noisy Enthusiasm

Man walking dog: Yo, take a shit right here.

–Houston & Mangin

Overheard by: How about a little to the left?

Woman to her gang-banging pug dog: Everyone can have love together!

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: riana

Man to Yorkie, tugging at leash outside porn shop: You don’t want to go in there. Nothing you could use in there… Hmmm, except maybe the rubber goods.

–28th & 8th

Overheard by: Chuckell

Upset man to black lab walking sheepishly beside him: They didn’t want you in there because you’re black, and they should have the guts to say so! We should go back to that fucking place and burn it down! [Pats pooch on head.] Good girl. You’re a good girl. [They start walking away again, and man mutters to himself] Motherfuckers.

–W 4th St

Posted on April 23, 2015
Advice, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Default, Gripes, Insults, Men, Poop, Race, Sex, Soho, West Village, Women

…As Abraham Said to Isaac.

Jewish guy at bar: Yeah, I'd say that I am pretty religious.
Guy with him: Oh, so do you keep kosher?
Jewish guy at bar: Oh, no, that's sooo expensive.

–Toad Hall, SoHo

Overheard by: Christian Johnson

Posted on April 21, 2015
Bars & Clubs, Guys, Jews, Judaism, Kosher food, Money & Class, Religion, Soho