Clap If You Believe in Wednesday One-Liners

Grad student chick: Yoda is not a relative. He’s little and green.

–NYU

12-year-old boy: I’m in a grey area right now as to whether Santa exists or not. I need more evidence.

–E 20th St

Overheard by: Dia

Customer to cashier: Frodo, it’s been real.

–Barnes & Noble, 18th & 5th

Overheard by: I Am McLovey

Thug: You know what, nigga? I think all them zombies are racist mothafuckahs. You notice they always eat the brotha first? What are we, covered in mothafuckin’ chocolate? Do I look like a fondue fountain? That’s some bullshit.

–189th & Bathgate

Overheard by: Lyle

Hobo, in false British accent: Of all the dimensions in the universe, I had to end up in this one! New York — filthy, dirty, grimy. Greatest city in the world? Bah! I could have been fighting dragons with Merlin, but no! I had to end up here!

–6 train

Posted on February 20, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Books & Writing, Crazy, Customers, Gripes, Hobos, Holidays, Kids, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYU, On the Subway, Philosophy, Race, Staten Island, Store, Students, Thugs, Time

This Marriage Is Over

Chick: It’s like that movie — what’s it called?
Dude: Stand by Me?
Chick: No, Gummo.

–Staten Island

Overheard by: Same thing

Posted on February 15, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Guys, Movies, Staten Island

And Education Clearly Has No Intrinsic Value

Man: I bet you’re hot to trot to get back to school
Girl: No, not really. My dad will be driving me.

–Rolling Hills Park, Staten Island

Posted on December 25, 2007
Bimbettes, Staten Island, Stupidity

But the Guilt Presents Will Be Well Worth It

Little girl #1: So, I hear your mom is going to have a baby.
Little girl #2: Oh my god, I know! It’s going to totally ruin my social life!

–Bloomingdale Park, Staten Island

Posted on December 14, 2007
Gripes, Kids, Staten Island

Dirt-Road Didactics

Hoochie: I tried anal sex and it just hurt too much. Then I figured out that if you just douche your ass, it doesn’t hurt at all!
Wannabe hoochie: Really?!

–Bar, Staten Island

Overheard by: yohezzy

Posted on September 24, 2007
Advice, Backdoor, Bars & Clubs, Hootchies, Staten Island

Doesn’t Mean Daddy Has to Hold Me Under Like That

Angry mom: Shut up! Stop crying like a wuss! You sound like a little girl!
Boy: ‘Cause I don’t wanna get wet! Tell him to stop!
Angry mom: Princess, you’re already in the pool.

–Staten Island

Posted on August 31, 2007
Gripes, Moms, Staten Island

Engorged and Tingling Wednesday One-Liners

Drunk Brit with arm around ugly lady: Oh, Jesus, just walking is making me horny.

–10th & 2nd

Overheard by: emilia

Girlfriend to boyfriend: Your hair is making me horny.

–B train

Overheard by: Janelle

Guy in hoodie: I don’t know — rain gear just doesn’t really turn me on.

–Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ktg

Loud woman: According to recent research, a nine-month-old fetus can experience an erection.

–Bus to Staten Island

Chick on cell: … And he was, like, rubbing his erection on me, and I was like, ‘Dude, you’re rubbing your erection on me…’

–Fordham University

Lady: What are horny men doing at Build-a-Bear, anyway?

–40th & 5th

Overheard by: don’t wanna know

Posted on July 4, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Boyfriends, Brits, Clothing, Drunks, Erections, Fordham, Getting Off, Girlfriends, Hair, Horny, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Staten Island, Store, Union Square and East Village, Weather, Williamsburg

So Zip Up Your Pants and Pass Me a Sugar Packet

Little boy: Daddy, Daddy! I’m a pickle!
Father: I’m happy for ya, kid, but I need some coffee.

–Deli, Staten Island

Posted on May 8, 2007
Coffee, Dads, Kids, Staten Island

You Done with That Needle?

Study group girl #1: I totally had no idea that hepatitis had anything to do with your liver.
Study group girl #2: Oh, I know! I thought it was just a disease. You know, like AIDS.

–Hormann Library, Wagner College, Staten Island

Posted on March 29, 2007
AIDS, Bimbettes, Illness, Staten Island

Wednesday One-Liners Thought Felicity Huffman Deserved that Oscar

Skater kid: What’s the point of being gay if you like girls who dress like boys?

–42nd St, between 7th & 8th Ave

Lady on phone: Yeah, she was working at a factory, but she was passing as a man… Well, she didn’t last a week at the factory.

–Bus in Lincoln Tunnel

TA: We live in a two-gender system of society. There’s no green ‘It’s a hermaphrodite!’ balloon to put out on your front lawn.

–NYU Silver Center

Overheard by: Limey

Chick: I mean, I feel frumpy here. For real. I’m sick of being like, ‘That guy is skinnier than me, has on nicer jeans, and has better makeup.’

–26th St

Overheard by: agrees with that girl

College student on cell: Great, I’ll see you soon. Can I be dressed as a woman?

–114th & Broadway

Mom to very young son: Some things are for boys, and some things are for girls. It was cute when you were little, but now it’s time to differentiate.

–Target, Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn

Posted on January 3, 2007
13 Bar, Advice, Age/Aging, Airports, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Astoria, Barbershop, Bars & Clubs, Bodegas, Bowery Ballroom, Buildings, Bus, CBGB, Classroom, Cruise Ship, Dean & Deluca, Delis, Duane Reade, Elevators, Empire State Building, Grand Central, Grocery Stores, Ground Zero, Gyms, Hospitals, Hot dog stands, Hotels, JFK Airport, LaGuardia Airport, Laundromat, Long Island City, Madison Square Garden, Movie Theaters, Museums, Office, On the Bus, On the Subway, Parades & Festitivites, Parks, Penn Station, Queens, Restaurants & Cafes, School, Shea Stadium, Stall Spies, Starbucks, Staten Island, Staten Island Ferry, Store, Street, Stuyvesant Town, Subway Stations, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Tattoo Parlor, Taxis, The Bronx, The Hamptons, Topics, Tourist Attractions, Train Station, Trains Not Subway, Venues, Whole Foods, Yankee Stadium