Mother: What would you guys want if we get McDonald's? We haven't had it in so long…
20-something son: We haven't had it in so long because it's so fattening and gross. Do you know how much fat is in just one of their wraps?
Teenage son: This is not The Biggest Loser. This is called We're Getting McDonald's.
–Hylan Boulevard, Staten Island
Teacher: In France and Canada the governments are actually offering money to people who have more children.
Student: What if your baby, like, exploded or something? Would they take the money back?
–Notre Dame Academy, Staten Island
Overheard by: What?!
Girl #1: Do you think we will get arrested if we go into the boys’ bathroom?
Girl #2: No. I don’t think so. I think the boys will actually like it.
Girl #1: Wait. But the boys pee on the floor. Let’s not go in.
–South St Seaport
Overheard by: Kevo
Math professor: This weekend I saw an exhibit at the Staten Island Zoo about dinosaurs.
Blonde bimbette: You mean with real dinosaurs?
–College of Staten Island
Mom: Hold my hand! It’s too crowded for you to let go of my hand!
Dad: He think he grown, but he ain’t grown yet.
Mom: I know, waking up all early in the morning.
Dad: Next time he does that, thinkin’ he’s all grown, tell him to change his own shitty Pamper.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: J. Noelle
Guido #1, in thick Staten Island accent: Yo, yo bro, I found this thing on Word, it makes you sound smarter.
Guido #2 in same accent: No way, bro! What is it?
Guido #1: I don't know, it's this thing, you click it and it gives you all these words that make you sound smarter.
Guido #2: What's it called?
Guido #1: Sin… Sinono… Sino-somethin, but I swear to god, bro; it makes you sound smarter.
–St John's University, Staten Island
Overheard by: Not from Staten Island
Customer: I’ll have a large espresso.
Barista: Coffee?
Customer: No, black tar heroin!
Barista: Right away, sir.
–Starbucks, Staten Island
Guy #1: So they’re throwing a going away thing for him.
Guy #2: What, is he goin’ to jail or somethin’?
Guy #1: Nah, he just became a corrections officer.
–College of Staten Island
Girl on cell: You're like the male version of me! Of course I want to have sex with you!
–Washington Square Park
Girl: I don't give a shit about your personal life, will anyone in this bar have goddamn sex with me?!
–Naked Lunch, Tribeca
Guy on cell: So anyway, I told her I'd come and fuck her brains out. Wait a minute, I've got another call coming in… (answers) Hi, mom!
–E Train
Gay queen, while female friends take photo of werewolf: It's worth having sex with just because of the foot…
–The Slaughtered Lamb Pub, West Village
Overheard by: Lost on Christmas Day
Girl on phone: I ain't denying you shit, motherfucker! You want to pound my ass? Come over and pound me! You want to fill my mouth with juice? Then fill me with juicy goodness! (pause) Okay, I'll see you later tonight, then.
–W 123rd & 8th Ave
Ferry queer on phone: Everyone looks like the sex they had last night.
–Staten Island
Student: Is that a vagina?
Teacher: Yes, it is. You were the first one to notice the vagina on my wall.
–New Dorp High School, Staten Island
