Wednesday One-Liners Go Looking for a Vein

Girl #1 to girl #2: Wouldn't you just rather have a night where we just get really high and scissor?

–Grand & Union, Brooklyn

Guy on cell: So they're smoking crack and fucking on his mother's bed!

–17th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Dave

Little kid: Look, I'm on crack!

–Apple Store, Staten Island Mall

Overheard by: Robert

Junkie to junkie companion, standing in front of Band-Aids: I need to test positive for methadone and negative for everything else…

–Walgreens, Union Square

Hobo on train: Does anyone have any money for me? Any food? Any opium? Lots and lots of opium?

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: left my opium stash at home

20-something blond girl on cell: You just have to convince them that you care more about college than you do about drugs, and they'll give you another chance…that's what I did!

–Chinatown Bus

Overheard by: GavinJoyce

Tourist: So I called her up and said, "Come down or you're going to miss breakfast, and I want to have breakfast with you." And all she said was, "I really like opium." and I was like, "Oh, okay."

–33rd & 7th

Overheard by: EthanK

Posted on June 10, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Chinatown, Compare/Contrast, Druggies, Drugs, Education, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Hard Drugs, Hobos, Kids, Malls, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Sexuality, Staten Island, Store, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

We Call It “Little Israel”

Guy: So you guys are Jewish?
Girl: Yeah, why?
Guy: Are you from Brooklyn? I live there now, and there are a lot of Jewish people there.
Girl: No, we’re from Staten Island.
Guy: Oh. Are there a lot of Jewish people there?

–Finnerty’s, Union Square area

Overheard by: Becka Dash

Posted on June 8, 2015
Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Girls, Guys, History & Geography, Jews, Judaism, Manhattan, NYC Geography, People, Places, Religion, Rumor Has It, Staten Island, Union Square and East Village

Raise Your Hand If The Biggest Loser Pisses You Off

Mother: What would you guys want if we get McDonald's? We haven't had it in so long…
20-something son: We haven't had it in so long because it's so fattening and gross. Do you know how much fat is in just one of their wraps?
Teenage son: This is not The Biggest Loser. This is called We're Getting McDonald's.

–Hylan Boulevard, Staten Island

Posted on June 6, 2015
Brothers, Diet/Weight, Families, Junk Food & Fast Food, Moms, Movies, Staten Island, Teens, Wishes & desires

They’re Wise to the Old Exploding Baby Scam

Teacher: In France and Canada the governments are actually offering money to people who have more children.
Student: What if your baby, like, exploded or something? Would they take the money back?

–Notre Dame Academy, Staten Island

Overheard by: What?!

Posted on May 20, 2015
Babies, Staten Island, Students, Teachers/Professors

We Will Only Get Arrested If We Pee on the Boys

Girl #1: Do you think we will get arrested if we go into the boys’ bathroom?
Girl #2: No. I don’t think so. I think the boys will actually like it.
Girl #1: Wait. But the boys pee on the floor. Let’s not go in.

–South St Seaport

Overheard by: Kevo

Posted on May 1, 2015
Girls, Pee, Staten Island

You Are the Weakest Link. Goodbye

Math professor: This weekend I saw an exhibit at the Staten Island Zoo about dinosaurs.
Blonde bimbette: You mean with real dinosaurs?

–College of Staten Island

Posted on April 15, 2015
Animals & Nature, Bimbettes, College, Default, Idiots, Questions, Science, Staten Island, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors

“…Just like I tell my dad.”

Mom: Hold my hand! It’s too crowded for you to let go of my hand!
Dad: He think he grown, but he ain’t grown yet.
Mom: I know, waking up all early in the morning.
Dad: Next time he does that, thinkin’ he’s all grown, tell him to change his own shitty Pamper.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: J. Noelle

Posted on April 4, 2015
Parents, Poop, Staten Island, Staten Island Ferry

Ouch, That Irony Smarts.

Guido #1, in thick Staten Island accent: Yo, yo bro, I found this thing on Word, it makes you sound smarter.
Guido #2 in same accent: No way, bro! What is it?
Guido #1: I don't know, it's this thing, you click it and it gives you all these words that make you sound smarter.
Guido #2: What's it called?
Guido #1: Sin… Sinono… Sino-somethin, but I swear to god, bro; it makes you sound smarter.

–St John's University, Staten Island

Overheard by: Not from Staten Island