Girl on cell: What? What do you mean? What do you mean your audition is gonna be in a bathroom?
–42nd and 10th
Overheard by: dk
Hurrying lady: …and a urinal cake is worth fifteen points.
–43rd & 8th
Overheard by: Casper
Gay usher, loudly: Sex just isn’t the same when you’re constipated.
–Daryl Roth Theatre, Union Square
Hipster girl: So I just said to him, “Bye, I have to go now. I have diarrhea!”…Diarrhea is like the anti-aphrodisiac.
–Brooklyn bound F train
Woman on cell: Did you just say that you had a dream where Gene Wilder peed in your closet? Like, Willy Wonka, pissing on your clothes? Okay, I just wanted to make sure I heard correctly.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: baffled
Dude: Nah, I wouldn’t piss on someone if I didn’t know them.
–Bar, Queens
Man, to woman having trouble with the bathroom door: Oh come on, you fucking cunt, work the damn door. Big fucking place like this, they got only one bathroom, I am fucking pissing on the floor. I will piss on the damn floor. That’s my fucking right as an American. I’m a patriot. Patriot, that’s an adverb. An action adverb. Mrs. Riegell told me in third grade if you have a syllable you’ve got an adverb, and I got a damn syllable, so damnit, I’m pissing on the fucking floor.
–Virgin Megastore, Union Square
