Watch Out! They’re About to Explode!

Guy: You see that bum? He wouldn’t even look me in the eye. I know him from the Bronx. Evvverybody knows everybody in the Bronx, especially if you do drugs. He’s a liar…His daughter did die, but 3 years ago. He got so much money hustlin’ on the D train, but now they all know it’s bullshit, so he came all the way to Queens….what, he gotta bury his daughter every year? He gonna ask for money when the girl died 20 yrs ago?…And if you don’t got money for a burial, the city gives it to you. He fulla shit.

–7 train

Overheard by: MR

Standing in line is a guy with a massive 12-roll pack of toilet paper. His buddy comes up to join him and says: I always knew you were full of shit.

–Rite Aid, Irving Place

Overheard by: Vera Farrelly

Posted on July 15, 2015
Death, Drugs, Homeless, Lies, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Poop, Public Transportation, Queens, Store, The Bronx

Wednesday One-liners, Chronic Matriculators

Guy: Ooh, actuarial, eh? That’s like birds, right?

–Silver Center, Washington Square East

Overheard by: Chirag Shah

Posted on July 10, 2015
Animals & Nature, Arts & Letters, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, College, Dating, Fordham, History & Geography, Manhattan, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Relationships, Sex & Relationships, Stupidity, The Bronx, Union Square and East Village

Let’s All Laugh at the Elderly

Old Woman #1: …I like that too. You know what’s good? I like to eat that pissghetti.
Old Woman #2: Yeah, that stuff is good.
Old Woman #1: But they should give it a better name.

–Bronx Supreme Court building

Overheard by: The Evil Sneeze

Posted on July 9, 2015
Food, Old People, The Bronx, Women, Words

Their Penises Are Stuck in the Sheep

Teacher: How come the people in Australia don’t fall off the bottom of the Earth?
First grade girl: Super Glue!
First grade boy: Because they have their shoes on!

–P.S. 86, Bronx

Overheard by: Wendy

Posted on July 5, 2015
Questions, School, Students, Teachers/Professors, The Bronx

Everything but War and Straight Marriage Is Now Forbidden

Babysitter: Ok guys, hold my hand.
Six-year-old boy: Holding hands is unnatural.
Babysitter: What? Where did you hear that?
Six-year-old boy: George Bush!
Man walking ahead: Wow, he really does get blamed for everything now.

–1 train, 225th St

Overheard by: bkh

Posted on July 4, 2015
Kids, On the Subway, Politics, Subway Stations, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Bronx

For the Last Time, It's “Public Service” Not “Public Servicing.”

Drunk guy: You're not looking too good, are you okay to drive?
Drunk guy: Those officers can suck my dick.
Drunk girl: Those officers will not suck your dick, and they never will.

–W 238th & Waldo Ave

Posted on June 29, 2015
BJs, Cars and Driving, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, The Bronx

That, or Get Snippy About the Decor

Gangsta retail guy: So this party last night was for real, totally got blasted, couldn't even wake up this morning…
Gay retail guy: I'd come to one of your parties, but all you guys do is get wasted.
Gangsta retail guy: Yeah, I'd go to one of your parties too, but all you guys do is fuck each other.

–Target, Bronx

Overheard by: Good Craic

Posted on June 28, 2015
Celebrations/Parties, Drinking & Drunk People, Gangstas, Gays and Lesbians, Promiscuity, Queer guys, Store, The Bronx

Like Fauxhawks and Living with Your Parents

College girl: Like Spiderman and Batman?
College guy, enthusiastically: That analogy is always cool!

–186th St & Arthur Ave

Posted on June 25, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Sorority Girls, Superheroes, The Bronx

With Ethnic Cleansing at a Close Second.

Princess #1: I had to run to the cafeteria and get fro-yo because my stomach was growling in class! How embarrassing is that?
Princess #2: Oh my god. That is my worst nightmare.

–Fordham University Rose Hill

Overheard by: stine

Posted on June 21, 2015
Food, Fordham, School, Students, Stupidity, The Bronx

I Find Starvation Heightens His T-Ball Game

Girl #1: Look at these pictures.
(girl #2 starts to look at pictures)
Girl #2: Oh look, my son looks like one of those… uhhh… hmmm…? I forgot what they are called.
Girl #1: A hungry child?
Girl #2: Yeaaaah, like one of those kids from a third world country.

–Buhre Avenue, Bronx

Overheard by: DaILList4Ever

Posted on June 2, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Girls, Global Geography, Kids, Physical appearance, Pictures, Stupidity, The Bronx, Weirdness

The Bronx