I’m Thankful for My Health

Girl #1: Oh no, I can feel my pulse in my neck!
Girl #2: You can always feel your pulse in your neck, douchebag.
Girl #1: No, but it’s, like, really strong.

–Washington Square Park

Bag lady: I have osteoporosis.
Hobo: Ostoprognosis? Is that serious?
Bag lady: Well, I might die from it. It makes you boneless. I have no bones. Like a Perdue chicken.
Hobo: So it turns you into a skeleton!

–2 train

Guy: I wish I could turn my fat into gold.

–18th & 5th

Overheard by: basselope

Old cashier lady: Sixteen years ago they gave me 72 hours to live. I only have three arteries in my heart.
Old customer lady: How many are you supposed to have?
Old cashier lady: Four.
Old customer lady: Oh. That’s not that bad…

–Stop and Shop, Astoria

Overheard by: Dan

Posted on November 24, 2005
Age/Aging, Astoria, Bag ladies, Body Parts, Cashiers, Death, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Food, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Hobos, Homeless, Manhattan, Old People, On the Subway, People, Places, Queens, Topics, Union Square and East Village, Venues, Washington Square Park

Wednesday One-liners for Hump Day

Teen girl: I wouldn’t call me bi but more curious. Nut when I was fooling around with her I thought to myself, “I’d definitely do this again.”

–1 train

Overheard by: Mike Smith

Posted on November 9, 2005
All Wednesday One-Liners, Girl-on-Girl, Girls, Hook Ups, On the Subway, People, Sex & Relationships, Teens, Topics

Keep Holding the Rest of Us Up, You Dumb Farts

Old lady: Julian! Get in the elevator, we are holding it for you.
Old man: I am in the elevator, it’s just my ass that was dragging behind.

–Apartment building, 66th & West End

Overheard by: Lubes

Old lady: I’m not moving until the light says go.
Old man: Yeah, you don’t want to get that rundown feeling.

–Crown Heights

Overheard by: Jamie Lloyd

Posted on October 28, 2005
Age/Aging, Ass, Brooklyn, Buildings, Elevators, Old People, People, Places, Private Parts, Topics, Venues

You Can’t Bring Russell Crowe Anywhere

Filthy man: You three ladies know this dude?
Girl #1: Uh, yeah.
Filthy man: Oh. Okay. ‘Cause I was about to pull out my AK47 and shoot him dead.

The elevator stops.

Filthy man: You all have a nice night.

–Hotel Carter, West 43rd Street

Overheard by: onesong

Posted on October 24, 2005
Anger Management, Elevators, Hotels, Manhattan, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, People, Places, Shoot, Topics, Venues, Violence, Women

That’s Why He’s Dr. Pepper

Girl: When we were younger, we totally took for granted the fun in playing Spin the Bottle…I would love to play now but it wouldn’t be the same.
Man: Yeah, playing now would just end with an abortion two months later.
Girl: Ugh.

–Broadway & 46th

Overheard by: Jeff Rigby