Tourists

Female tourist to friend: Oh my god, do we really get to take the subway? Gosh, you have to take a picture of me with the subway! C'mon, take the picture!
Man, overhearing: Oh my god, let's push you down the stairs and see how much you like the subway.

–Rockafeller Center Subway

Overheard by: Kirby

Headline by: Ryan

Runners-Up:
· “A *Real* New Yorker Would’ve Just Pushed Her” – Thaniel
· “Give a Tourist a Pin and She’ll Remember NY for a Week, Push Her Down the Stairs, and She’ll Remember It for the Rest Of Her Life” – Prole
· “How Tourist-Tossing Got Started” – Barry
· “It Would Save Her That Stop at Planned Parenthood” – niqua
· “Throw in a Rape and Mugging and You’ll Get the Full Subway Experience” – Forensic Photographer
· “Why Is It Called “Tourist Season” If We Can´t Kill Them?” – Fresca P.

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Daughter tourist: Wow! Look at him.
Mother tourist: Yeah, who knew there were so many Amish in New York?

–Bowling Green Park

Overheard by: Lauhginallthe way

Tourist girl: This is my day every day. I sleep until around 9:30 and I get up and I answer my emails. Then, I work for a couple of hours and then I watch The View. And then I eat lunch and I basically meditate and contemplate everything for a few hours. And then I watch Oprah, so I can cry my eyes out for all the poor people in Africa. Then I eat dinner and I go shopping with my parents at the mall.
New York girl: Wow. It sounds like a spa.
Tourist girl: Yes. My life is like a spa.

–Dekalb Avenue, Brooklyn

Flyer girl: Macbeth with Patrick Stewart!
Tourist: Is that a magician?

–TKTS

Tourist lady #1: I can’t believe they only have five stalls in here!
Tourist lady #2: Oh, you just wait until you get into the city — there’s less there!
Tourist lady #1: Oh…
Tourist lady #2: Yeah, you’ll be peeing in your cup!
Woman stranger in stall: I’ve done that!

–Bathroom, JFK

Guy: So where did you say you are from again?
Southern girl: Alabama.
Guy: Hmm. I’ve never been to Alabama. I’ve been to Louisiana, though.
Southern girl: Ugh. It’s all the same thing. If you’ve been to one racist, idiot hellhole, you’ve been to them all.

–F train

Tourist chick: He’s not gay, he’s just neurotic!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Scott

Girl: He’s not gay, he just has a lot of feelings!

–Grand Central

Hipster on cell: Yo, I want to tell you something. I do not want to go down on everyone… Well, I’m not gay, so that cuts it in half right there.

–17th & 8th

Suit to himself: Thanks, but I’m not gay!

–45th & 6th

Overheard by: Alisa

Little boy sitting with haggard-looking mom singing to the tune of Pinky and the Brain song: My penis, my penis is not gay, gay, gay, gay, gay!

–1 train

Overheard by: wondering what network plays reruns of Pinky and the Brain

Tourist to no one in particular: Which way is the gay area?
Queer in black leather gear: You’re here.
Tourist: Where are the gay stores?
Queer in black leather gear: All around here.
Tourist: Where are the gay people?
Tourist friend: I think they go out more in the night time, right?
Queer in black leather gear: Go back to Kansas.

–16th & 8th

Overheard by: amalia

Tourist man: Look, there’s the Empire State Building!
Tourist woman: No, that’s not it. Unless they rebuilt it because it doesn’t look like that.

–34th & 6th

Overheard by: Trisha Simoes

Hopelessly lost tourist: How do you get to Broadway?
Irritable local: Practice.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Kelly