Drunk tourist guy #1 to guy on movie set: Hey, what are they filming?
Guy on movie set: Arthur.
Drunk tourist guy #1: Cool! With Dudley Moore?
Drunk tourist guy #2: Dudley Moore is dead, you fucking idiot!
–Park Ave & 51st St
Overheard by: Annie
Drunk tourist guy #1 to guy on movie set: Hey, what are they filming?
Guy on movie set: Arthur.
Drunk tourist guy #1: Cool! With Dudley Moore?
Drunk tourist guy #2: Dudley Moore is dead, you fucking idiot!
–Park Ave & 51st St
Overheard by: Annie
Woman #1: You ever just have one of those days?
Woman #2: Yeah.
Woman #1: I’m having a whole week. I swear to god. And I just walked here from…Oh, forget it.
Woman #2: Oh.
Woman #1: And now I can’t even find my makeup! I swear to god, if they don’t have it, I’m gonna fucking…I don’t know!…I’ll fucking kill a tourist!
Woman #2: Oh, I hope it’s not me!…Ha, ha, ha!
5 minutes later.
Woman #2: That’s her! That’s her! That’s the New Yorker who cursed at me and threatened me!
Woman #3: It’s like seeing one in their natural habitat! I can’t wait to tell everyone a real New Yorker threatened you!
Woman #2: I know! It’s awesome!
–Sephora, Broadway between 43rd & 44th
Overheard by: Non-Bitchy New Yorker
Local: Where you do want to go today, Mom?
Tourist mom: I don’t know. A museum?
Local: We always go to a museum when you visit. Let’s try a new one this time. We haven’t been to the Guggenheim. The Museum of Sex is interesting.
Tourist mom: Museum of what? Museum of Sex? They have that here?! Please tell me you don’t go there. Do you go to church these days? Hmmm? Do they have churches in this city?!
–Union Square Park
Tourist lady: Does this A train go to Jamaica?
NY chick: The A train doesn’t go to Jamaica.
Tourist lady: Is this the A train?
NY chick: Yes.
Tourist lady: And it goes to Jamaica?
NY chick: The A train does not go to Jamaica.
Tourist lady: But I need the A train.
NY chick: This is it.
Tourist lady: I need the A train to Jamaica.
NY chick: The A train does not…Oh forget it. This is your train, lady, get on!
–Times Square station
Overheard by: Cat
Tourist guy: Do you live here?…Excuse me, do you live here?
Black woman: Yeah, what do you want?
Tourist guy: Is this the 6 train?
Black woman: Yeah, sure.
Tourist guy: So it will take me to Grand Central?
Black woman: Yeah, no doubt…But it’s weekend, so you never know where the train is going to take you.
–Q train
Overheard by: Josh
Tourist to family: It seems like all we do in New York is take the subway, eat, and wash our hands.
–6 train, Union Square
Overheard by: Ugly Doll
Man on cell: So what can I say? She’s the carpet cleaner and I’m just cleaning the nozzles.
–14th & 5th
Overheard by: kat(e)
Dude: With all the nasty stuff I have to do, I shower like three times a day… and I still smell.
–Rivington & Essex
Man in beret on cell: I’m going to boil water and put my DustBuster in it… How do you sterilize your DustBuster, darling?
–7th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: hazelnavet
Bronx girl: And then she said to me, ‘We need to take showers and wear flashy clothes!’
–6 train
Tourist #1: Are we in the airport?
Tourist #2: No.
Tourist #3: It's the train port.
Tourist #1: Is this a mall?
Tourist #2: No.
Tourist #1: It looks like a mall.
Tourist #2: It's not a mall.
Tourist #1: It smells like a mall.
–Penn Station, LIRR
Overheard by: Ceetar
Bemused tourist: I can't believe the Coast Guard just rescued that kid's soccer ball.
Kid running by: That's the eighth time he's done that!
–Staten Island Port
Overheard by: tastycanucks
Tourist #1: Hey look, that's Carnegie Hall!
Tourist #2: Not it isn't. The sign says “Carnegie Deli.”
–54th & 7th
Tourist dude: I would really like to go see Kevin’s uncle’s house.
Girl: Who?
Dude: You know, Kevin from “Home Alone 2”, I am sure the house is all renovated now.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: jlovely
Man, to old woman pouring paint thinner into the sewer: You know, you’ll kill the alligators like that.
–39th & Lex
Methodone lover: I told him, “If you do that again, I’m gonna sic the alligators on you!”
–Whitehall Ferry Terminal
Overheard by: Steven Lowell
Tourist, kneeling in front of a giant stone head: Help me, Olmec! Where is the shrine of the silver monkey?
–Museum of Natural History
Chelsea boy: Yeah…My God, the boys there were so hot! Their asses were all tight and round…Mmm…like a Chihuahua’s.
–19th & 6th
Overheard by: CocteauBoy
5-Year-Old boy, passing the smelly horse carriages on Central Park South: Eww, are there camels around here?
–59th between Broadway & 7th
Overheard by: Carmiya Weinraub
Old man, passing bear sculpture: Bears eat too much.
–American Wing Cafe, the Met
Overheard by: guingel
MTA hardhat: Yeah, for lunch I’ll have either the rat on a stick or the pigeon on a stick.
–Bleecker & Lafayette
Overheard by: Brewster
Guy on cell: I just saw a pigeon, and it reminded me of you.
–Houston & Bowery
Overheard by: Jon A.
Commuter: Oh, I’ve always been into manatees.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Jon
Woman, to child: That’s why imagination is really nice. You can imagine that cat you have always wanted, and it’s almost like having him for real…even though you never will.
–53rd & Broadway
Animal lover: I never used to like cats. But then I had this dream where this cat, like, told me, “I love you,” so I got a cat.
–10th St & 1st Ave
Bus rider: My son’s frog jumped up there, and now I can’t take a poop.
–Q101 bus
Overheard by: Kaleena
Suit: No, no, it’s a woman with a donkey, not two donkeys! Jesus.
–14th St 1 station
Non-Ghetto woman on cell: That’s nigga’s crazier than a road lizard!
–59th & 7th
Picky girl: You won’t believe the pick up line he used. He actually said, “I want to be your beast.”
–The Strand, Broadway
Overheard by: Miss Parker
