Girl to friends: So, where should we get delivery from tonight?
Hobo: Get DiGiorno!
–49th & 7th
Girl to friends: So, where should we get delivery from tonight?
Hobo: Get DiGiorno!
–49th & 7th
Store clerk: This is a good TV, but ma’am, it’ll probably be obsolete in about three or five years.
Old lady: That’s fine, ’cause I’ll probably be obsolete in three or five years.
–Best Buy, 86th & Lex
Overheard by: Emily
Grey-haired middle-aged man on cell: 40 grand for a suck. No… 40 grand, and I’ll suck your dick.
–Fashion District
Man on cell: What about the licking? Did you practice licking? I can’t teach you anything if you don’t practice. You have to practice the licking if you want to do it right.
–78th St & 37th Ave
Overheard by: Jillian
Homeless woman: Everyone on this train eats pussy! Guys, girls, all ya’ll!
–2 train
Overheard by: Macaire
Ghetto dude: Do you see that building? Do you see that building? That’s NYU. It took me 26 years to get my degree there. And what am I doing? Still sucking white dick.
–Bleecker & Mercer
Overheard by: Jay
Guy on cell: Yeah, man, this chick just gave me a blowjob. She was like, ‘Are you on Restless?’ And I was like, ‘Yeah,’ and then she dropped to her knees!
–2nd & 2nd
Overheard by: wishing i did soaps
Suit on cell: On one hand, you’re married, and I don’t need that kind of drama. On the other hand, you do owe me a blowjob.
–Wall St, 2-3 stop atrium
Overheard by: did he get a receipt?
Guy: I sold everything — the script, TV episodes, merchandising rights… They paid me two million dollars. It sucks, because after I pay off debts and taxes I’ll only have one million, and that doesn’t go as far as it used to.
–MoMA lobby
Overheard by: foofoo
Fat chick: … So I was like, ‘Mom, what the fuck? I don’t need a diet.’ Then she goes, ‘But your doctor told you that you’re a hundred pounds overweight — eat healthier!’ Then I just told her, ‘Screw you!’ I’d rather go on Maury than lose weight!
–Guggenheim Museum
Overheard by: Maury Povich’s viewer
Tween girl running towards crime scene minutes after a shooting: We’s gonna be on TV, nigga!
–137th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Liberace wannabe on cell: … And I thought, ‘Thank God,! She likes AbFab! At last, I can talk to her on a level playing field!’
–44th & 9th
Conductor: There’s another local train directly behind this one. Plenty of seats, color TV, open bar.
–W train to Astoria
Overheard by: MissPinkKate
Guy #1: Why is it even called ‘Fear Factor‘? It has nothing to do with fear… It’s just gross.
Guy #2: Yeah, really. It should be called ‘Gross-out Factor.’
Guy #1: Think about it. It’s not like people are scared of eating… like… intestines. It’s just gross. People aren’t like, ‘Ahhh, intestines!’
Guy #2: Yeah, it’s not like I wake up in a cold sweat to intestines…
–R train
Guy: ‘Live Girls’? The girls in the picture don’t look like sexy girls.
Chick: You’re right.
Guy: I mean, she looks mad. The black one? She looks like she wants to punch somebody. She looks like that guy from Seinfeld just said something about her.
–Urban Stages
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Thug #1: I was watching Oprah yesterday…
Thug #2: Really?
–F train
Overheard by: Michael
40-something woman: Yeah, I liked that show St. Elsewhere, though.
Tween girl: Was that in a snowglobe?
–Ave A
Overheard by: Cracked Up
Girl #1: Ha ha ha. Who said that? Stewie Griffin, right?
Girl #2: No, Kim Jong-il! Oh my god!
Girl #1: I’ve never been more ashamed of myself.
–Starbucks, W 41st
Guy #1: Aww man, Anna Nicole’s son died?
Guy #2: Dude, that happened like a week ago.
Guy #3: Ask him what happened on Dragonball Z last night and I bet he could tell you!
Guy #1: Naw man, I missed it yesterday!
–114th & Broadway
