Girl #1: So this is the man you want to marry?
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #1: And you said there were how many maggots on the turkey?
–3rd & B
Girl #1: So this is the man you want to marry?
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #1: And you said there were how many maggots on the turkey?
–3rd & B
Man: With this many books you are almost certain to make a mistake in your choice.
–The Strand
Overheard by: Jill A.
Guy, standing with two women: So of course, now every woman that comes my way is from… (nods, waits for women to finish his sentence)
Women: Newfoundland!
Guy: Right!
–Union Square Park
Overheard by: not a newf
Teen boy #1: Hey, where is it?
Teen girl: The dildo shop is that way!
Teen boy #2: Yes! Dildos! Oh yeah! We gonna have some fucking fun tonight!
–8th & 6th
Overheard by: A teen who also likes dildos
Tattooed man in headphones: Hey man, you got a cigarette?
Hobo: Always.
Tattooed man in headphones: Really?
Hobo: Of course not. Look at me, I'm eating out of a trash can.
–3rd Ave & 10th St
Overheard by: Greg
Tween girl: I mean, she changed her MySpace name to "freaky dancer," I mean, she needs to take that shit off. Seriously, take it off, because I'm the freaky dancer, no one else is the freaky dancer but me.
–Uptown 6 Train
Man: There will be no more dancing tonight. I broke the pole.
–Times Square
Jumpy drunk guy: I have two options. Dance or fall asleep!
–Blackbird Parlour, Brooklyn
Overheard by: ak
Guy: I'm really into Nijinsky…no homo.
–F Train
Weary looking woman on cell: Six and a half hours of burlesque. I didn't think there was such a thing as too much burlesque…but I thought wrong.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: McNasty
College girl: And then I would say: "But do you object? Do you object to my vagina dance?"
–Union Square
Guy #1: I saw Jerry Stiller naked.
Guy #2: [Silence.]Guy #1: You know, Ben Stiller’s dad.
Guy #2: … I know.
–14th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Kendrick
Drinking college co-ed: It was like, my brain shut off, and my genitals went ‘woo-hoo!’
–60th & Amsterdam
Guy on cell: Sorry, I couldn’t make it. I was tied up. Hopefully, next time it’ll be you.
–116th & Broadway
Gay black man to black woman: Girl, I know the perfect guy for you. He will beast fuck you. He will fuck you like a white girl.
–Greenwich & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Artie
Black guy: I’ll do the wheelbarrow on the first date, I don’t give a fuck!
–Downtown 6 train
Overheard by: biz
Girl in bathroom stall: How many guys can I sleep with in a week and not be a slut?
–Soundz Lounge, Lasalle St & Broadway
Girl: I wondered why you kept talking about pony play!
–Elevator, 168th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Peter Pecker
Well-dressed man on cellphone: He must have had a dildo in his pants, and she grabbed onto that. It’s the only way they could have worked it.
–La Giancoma, second intermission, Metropolitan Opera
Overheard by: Schroeder
Hipster: I have to confess a deep dark secret to you.
Girl: Okay?
Hipster: I know the taste of my own cum.
–Union Square
Girl: I think I might be allergic to the metal in the needle, so is there any sort of numbing gel or something you could use?
Punk rock employee: Yeah. I could hit you over the head with a fucking rock.
–Andromeda Tattoo Parlor, St Mark’s
