Upper East Side

Girl #1: Wow, you have no problem talking to those guys at the bar like a guy.
Girl #2: Yeah, I know. I must have been a guy in a past life.

–74th & 1st

Overheard by: Megan C.

Girl #1: I always get so much more jazzed after drinking Diet Pepsi than regular Pepsi.
Girl #2: Well, that’s because Diet Pepsi has soooo much more sugar than regular Pepsi.

–Marymount Manhattan College

Overheard by: Mallory McMahon

Woman with dalmatian, stuck on island mid-crossing: We don’t want to get killed on Park Avenue! We need to go to Fifth Avenue!
Dalmatian: [Silent.]Woman: Fifth Avenue only!

–92nd & Park

20-something girl singing: Put your cock and balls in my mouth… La-la-la.
Boyfriend: What?
20-something girl: I just think it would be fun.

–66th & 3rd

Overheard by: I wish

20-something woman: Do you have decaffeinated tea?
Waitress: Yes.
20-something woman: Does it have caffeine in it?
Waitress: No?

–86th & York

Overheard by: Silently Amused

Girl #1: I thought it was gross that he butters his bread on both sides.
Girl #2: Ew! He butters his bread on both sides?
Old woman: Is he married or something? I mean to be that particular…
Girl #3: No, he just wants to be published.

–Shun Lee Palace, East 55th Street

Overheard by: Andrew Saint-John Goodwin

Girl: How is a dog like a hairy retard?
Guy: How is a dog not like a hairy retard?

–92nd between 1st & 2nd

Overheard by: B

Chick #1: Yeah, she totally called her a slut.
Chick #2: No way! Wow!
Chick #1: Yeah, she did.
Chick #2: Wow, that’s rough… well, actually, she is kind of a slut. I guess it’s not really an insult if it’s true.

–Sarabeth’s Restaurant, 92nd & Madison

Overheard by: Dan

11 year-old boy throwing water balloon back and forth: It's like a hymen, perfectly intact after a minor rape! (balloon is thrown to him and bursts all over him) Oh, sweet hymen juices!

–Tompkins Square Park

Eight-year-old boy to another: God, just drink your spit!

–90th St & 2nd Ave

Drunk hobo with hand-down pants: I'm not going to ejaculate! (repeats it over and over)

–D Train

Overheard by: seat changer

Blind woman to blind friend: Sweaty people suck.

–W 23rd Street

Overheard by: Cool and Dry

Little girl: I don't like boys! They're mean and they sweat a lot!

–2nd & Ave A

Young girl to boy: Ewwww, I'm dripping cum!

–Hester & Allen

Overheard by: lower east side

Kid #1: DY-NO-MITE!
Kid #2: DY-NO-MITE!
Kid #1: DY-NO-MITE!
Kid #2: That’s funny. What’s that from?
Kid #1: My dad made it up. DY-NO-MITE!

–103rd & Lex

Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson