Wednesday Flatliners

Dude on cell: Alright, listen up. If the guy gets up and walks away, he's not dead. If you come back and he's still lying there, he's dead, you follow? So, in that situation you are just going to go through the motions like we discussed.

–23th & 7th

Overheard by: mel

Random man on bicycle to doorman: You never know when you're going to eat a bad mushroom and die.

–87th St & York Ave

Overheard by: Critter

Jersey woman, looking at a case with brains that suffered from major stroke: Oh my gawd… They probably died from that!

–Bodies The Exhibition, South St Seaport

Guy shopping in art supply on a cell: So you're banking on dying young, then?

–Art Store, Williamsburg

Spacey old guy to friends, calmly: I want to murder that guy. (even more calmly) I've got bloodlust in my heart.

–9th St b/w 1st & 2nd

Overheard by: JKW

Woman on cell: You want to be cremated, right? (pause) Well, then what the hell are we going to do with you?

–Park Ave

Posted on September 23, 2021
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Blood & bleeding, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crazies, Death, Food, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Idiots, Men, More museums, Murder, Old People, On Cell, Philosophy, Questions, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women

No More Hanging Out with Hobos, Sweetie.

Law student to little girl with pink balloon dog: I really like your balloon! It's so pretty!
Girl's dad: What do you say?
Little girl: Woof woof!

–79th & 2nd

Posted on September 4, 2021
Beauty, Compliments, Dads, Kids, Language Barrier, Man's Best Friend, Students, Upper East Side

I Expect Steady Progress Toward Quiet Desperation

Seven-year-old: I want to take a year off.
Dad: You are not taking a year off.
Seven-year-old: But I want to party.
Dad: You cannot take a year off to party!

–83rd & Park

Posted on August 19, 2021
Celebrations/Parties, Dads, Kids, Time, Upper East Side

Wednesday One-Liners Have Their Ups and “Downs”

Dog owner to another: Dogs are funny. They're like little retarded kids.

–Tompkins Square Park Dog Run

Guy on cell: She went from Debbie downer to Debbie Down Syndrome.

–62nd St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Timo Lipping

Dad: I thought she would like Carolina, so we took her to see four schools there. I asked her if she liked them and she said, "I liked the schools… But everyone there seemed slightly retarded."

–W 54th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Johnny V.

Southern woman who just ran NYC marathon to Southern friend: Well, we can't have a baby now because it would be retarded… because I'm 35, you know?

–Becco Restaurant, Theater District

Overheard by: mersayseh

Posted on August 12, 2021
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Athletes, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Education, Friends, Guys, Kids, Man's Best Friend, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Restaurants & Cafes, Retardation, Southerners, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners

…or a Metrocard

Girl: The party is out in Brooklyn? Are you kidding me? I swear you need a passport to get out there.

–UES

Posted on August 4, 2021
Bimbettes, Celebrations/Parties, NYC Geography, One-liners, Upper East Side

Ben Stein's “Clear Eyes” Commercials Get Creepier Every Year

Deli man: You have beautiful eyes.
Woman: Thank you.
Deli man: You better take care of them.

–63rd & 1st

Posted on June 25, 2021
Beauty, Body Parts, Clerks, Compliments, Upper East Side, Women

What is Hardcore? (NYC Short Stories)

Girl: Wow, last night I was so drunk. I can’t believe that I got so
wasted off only a pint of gin. In first year I could drink like twice that amount and party all night.
Guy: So you were hardcore then?
Girl: Naw, I wasn’t hardcore, I was just an idiot.

–NYU A bus

Guy: Have you ever drank the worm?
Girl: Oh, hell yeah. And that’s hardcore ’cause I’m a vegetarian.

–McCabe’s Liquor Store, 3rd Avenue

Posted on June 21, 2021
College, Drinking & Drunk People, Manhattan, NYU, On the Bus, Stupidity, Upper East Side

Wednesday One-liners Lunch Hour

Teen boy: Yo, I got the munchies, B…Yo, what happened to the guys with candy and shit? Shit was mad convenient.

–1 train

Overheard by: I. J. Meyers

Posted on June 17, 2021
Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dating, Elevators, Fashion, Food, Health and Hygiene, Junk Food & Fast Food, Latinos, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Retail Therapy, Sex & Relationships, Smokers & Smoking, Stupidity, Teens, The Village, Times Square, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

So That’s Who Sparks Wrote Their Song About

Girl #1: All old people talk about is food.
Girl #2: Well, all we talk about is sex.

–71st & 3rd

Overheard by: sandy fishnets

Posted on June 5, 2021
Food, Friends, Old People, Sex, Upper East Side

Wednesday One-Liners: So Lifelike!

Girl: If I made a sex doll that smelled like elk, he would totally do it!

–Queens

Middle-aged Latino: I've got barbie dolls!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Newspaper vendor: Cause I have that multiple sneezing thing! I hate that crap! I'm like a bobble-head doll!

–96th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Galatea

Girl leaving nail salon: It looks like Malibu Barbie just threw up all over my feet.

–11th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Bill

Despondent little girl in coffee shop: Um, I don't play with the doll house that much because you said we're not supposed to play in the meditation room.

–Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn

Posted on June 3, 2021
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Gripes, Kids, Kink, Latinos, Queens, Sensory Experiences, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Upper East Side, Vendors & Street Performers, Vomit, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Yoga

Upper East Side

No More Hanging Out with Hobos, Sweetie.