Come on In– The Wednesday One-Liner Is Fine!

20-something chick: Sea captains doing table-service is never okay.

–A Train

Overheard by: Ladle

Lady on Bluetooth: Well, if you prove to everyone that your vagina is as wide as an ocean, then go ahead!

–Brooklyn

Teenage girl to friend: So, I heard back from the lifeguard application. (pauses, then utterly bewildered) I need to know how to swim!

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: totheworld

Loud woman on escalator: No, you don't get it. When you're under water, you're not wet.

–Queens Center Mall

Overheard by: Burning Vegan

Middle-aged man watching seven-year old swimming deftly in shallow end: Oh, yeah? Well, I can drive. Can you? My feet can touch the bottom. Can yours?

–CUNY Swim Class

Overheard by: obyun

Posted on October 20, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, College, Compare/Contrast, Education, Friends, Girls, Height, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Malls, Men, On the Subway, One-liners, Queens, Questions, Sports, Stupidity, Teens, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

We’re Sure There’s a “Brazilian Rainforest” Joke in Here Somewhere

Student #1: She’s from the Dominican Republic, right?
Student #2: Um, yeah, I think so.
Student #1: Is she classy…?
Student #2: Eh, not really, no. At the meeting the other day, she was wearing a skirt. I could see her cooch.
Student #3: [Just joining the conversation] What’s a cooch?
[Silence.]Student #1: Her vagina.
Student #2: Her forest. Except it was barren. There were no trees. Barren.

–Columbia University

Posted on May 24, 2020
Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Default, Foreigners, Global Geography, Questions, Students, Vagina, Waxing, Words

The Coolest Part Is, She Can Make It Smile.

Drunk girl on corner, to friend coming out of McDonald's: Did you go pee?
Drunk girl coming out of McDonald's: Yep.
Drunk girl on corner: Vagina happy?
Drunk girl coming out of McDonald's: Vagina happy!

–Fulton St. & Gold St.

Overheard by: the fundamental question

Posted on May 10, 2020
Drunks, Girls, Happiness, Pee, Questions, Vagina, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness

…Hint, Hint.

Hispanic man #1, on bus: Yo, my hand smells like pussy.
Hispanic man #2: Yeah, now she gonna go home and kiss the other guy, and then he gonna, and you were just there.
(hysterical drunken laughter)
Hispanic man #3: I haven't gotten pussy in a while, though. Since last summer.
Hispanic man #1: Yeah, you know I just love getting my dick sucked.

–Q58 Bus

Posted on April 20, 2020
BJs, Body Parts, Bus, Compare/Contrast, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Latinos, On the Bus, Sloppy Seconds, Vagina

Maybe Somewhere They Sell Mangina

6th grader boy: So, my whole life I've heard pussy is great…
6th grader girl: And?
6th grader boy: Well, I tried it… and it ain't that great.
6th grader girl: Why?
6th grader boy: It tasted weird. (pause) Next time I'll buy it from somewhere else.

–116th St & 2nd Ave

Posted on April 1, 2020
Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Sensory Experiences, Shopping, Vagina, Weirdness

Eventually Monologues Become Dialogues

Girl #1: I love masturbating.
Girl #2: Yeah, I totally love touching my vagina!

–Sultana Hookah Bar

Overheard by: rich

Posted on March 11, 2020
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Bars & Clubs, Girls, Masturbation, Vagina

Where No One Dares to Look

Guy: Where do you keep your pussy enhancer?
Girl: On the shelf, under my Pee-wee Herman doll.

–160th St & Malcolm X

Overheard by: Hanz Shnrub

Posted on February 14, 2020
Girls, Guys, Lube, Vagina, Washington Heights and Inwood

On the Internet I Do

Girlfriend: My shoes are killing me.
Boyfriend: If you don't stop I'll have to punch you in the cunt.
Girlfriend: Would you even know where to find it?

–East Village

Overheard by: C

Posted on November 7, 2019
Body Parts, Boyfriends, Couples, Default, Girlfriends, Gripes, Punch, Sensory Experiences, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Vagina

Worst. Infomercial. Ever.

Girl: I have to pee sooooo bad!
Mother: You just went to the bathroom ten minutes ago.
Girl: But I have to pee again! Can you put something in my vagina to hold it up?

–M104 Bus