Ghetto girl #1: He was pissing me off, so I went all Moses on his ass.
Ghetto girl #2: Pshhh.
–Lehman College
Overheard by: Naomi & Yana Iz
Ghetto girl #1: He was pissing me off, so I went all Moses on his ass.
Ghetto girl #2: Pshhh.
–Lehman College
Overheard by: Naomi & Yana Iz
Little girl: Hey, my friend makes more money than you.
Employee: Yeah, I’m sure that’s true.
Little girl: No. Look at her — she’s seven and doesn’t have a job.
Employee: You’re making me feel much better.
–McDonald’s, Delancey & Essex
Young woman running up platform, slamming into tourist lady: Damn fucking tourists! Get the fuck out of my way!
Tourist lady: Excuse me, what?
Young woman: Don’t be ‘what’-ing me. I just gave you a New-fucking-York experience. You should be thanking me.
–Subway station, 42nd St
Overheard by: Susane
Old Asian suit viciously kicks another suit.
Victim suit: Whoa, whoa — what’re you doing?
Old Asian suit: Kicking you!
Victim suit: Why?
Old Asian suit: Because you’re trying to stick your dick in my ass! Back up!
–6 train, Grand Central
Overheard by: Christine
Boy: Yeah, I mean, the only way that I’d be pissed is if you stabbed me…
–Butler Library, Columbia University
Dude: He threw a bagel at me — knocked me the fuck out!
–15th St & 9th Ave
Overheard by: Michael Pantozzi
Guidance counselor mediating a conflict between a flock of tween girls: Okay, Yamira* can still go on the field trip, because she told the truth about punching Janalin* in the face.
–PS 8, Washington Heights
Little boy: Smack that, lalalala! [Smacks brother in stroller.] Smack that, lalalala! [Smacks brother again.] Smack that! Lalalala!
–Macy’s
Overheard by: amused sales associate
Guy on cell: Yeah, after that hug I wanted to punch her.
–Walgreens, Union Square
Limo driver: What are you trying to do?!
Cabbie: Did you not see the other guy, what he was doing? I had to move.
Limo driver: So he tries to kill you, and you move over and try to kill me?
Cabbie: What you want me to do?
Limo driver: So, you try to kill me so you don’t die — you try to kill me, then.
Cabbie: Well, then you have to die.
–7th Ave South & Perry St
Dude #1: You have to make a decision — between the girls you want to fuck, the girls you want to kill, and the girls you want to marry.
Dude #2: Yeah…
–East Houston
Activist: Would you like to take a stand against gender-based violence?
Man: No thanks, I’m all set.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Jujubee
Queer: And my boyfriend like, totally, oh my god, reached across the table… Like, across the table and strangled me. I seriously couldn’t breathe. Like, he strangled me. Here, put down your coffee, he did this [reaches across table and strangles ghetto black man]. Isn’t that crazy? Like, what the fuck would you do?
Ghetto black man: Poop.
–Starbucks, 16th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Erica
Man hitting woman next to him: Do you like that when I do it to you?
Woman, hitting man back: No!
Man, hitting woman again: If you don’t like it when someone does it to you, don’t do it to other people.
Woman, hitting man again: Don’t touch me! You were asleep, leaning on me!
Man: You ain’t cute! I wasn’t tryin’ to cop no feels!
–Manhattan-bound A train
Overheard by: courtenay
