Girl: I'm really bad at observing people.
Friend: I love Sleeping Beauty.
Girl: I can't write about art if it's, like, asked by my teachers. That's what I hate about this class. Last semester I had to reckon with a Louise Bourgeois essay… All her penises. Are you guys ready to go?
–Cooper-Hewitt, National Design Museum
Overheard by: Alex Bailey
Girl looking at abstract wall installation: Oh god. This is pure art. It really speaks to me.
Boy: What does it say?
Girl: (makes loud farting sound and walks away)
–Art Exhibit, Time Warner Building
Young black lady to friend: I am so happy this is my last week! I hate New York City! Everybody is so rude! Today I nearly punched somebody in the face!
–Elevator, Midtown
Overheard by: thorn
Metro guy, singing: If you're happy and you know it, get a paper. If you're happy and you know it, get a paper. If you're happy and you know it, and you really want to show it. If you're happy and you know it, get a Metro.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: erkala
Six-year-old boy to mom: The things in cave paintings don't always look happy.
–81st & 1st
Overheard by: Tim
Obvious lawyer, on Yom Kippur: My finger is happy to have the day off.
–32nd St & Park Ave
Overheard by: k
NYU girl #1: So what are you going to call your essay?
NYU girl #2: “Why Ansel Adams sucks.” By Tina*.
NYU girl #1: That sounds about right.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Crazy old hobo, holding up bags and drawing: Where's the moon? Where's the moon? If the earth is in Columbus Circle, then the moon would be on 64th and Central Park West! Come see my exhibition!
Hipster teen surrounded by giggling friends: Is your exhibition inside those bags?
Crazy old hobo: No, those are Michelle Obama's dresses. You want to be smart with me? Why don't you be smart and become an exhibitionist?
Hipster teen surrounded by giggling friends: Do you know what “exhibitionist” means?
Crazy old hobo: Of course! It's someone who goes to museums every day!
–1 Train
Young white daughter: Mommy, what's a black artist?
White mother, awkwardly: It's an artist who's…well, black.
Young daughter: Then how come you said you don't like them?
White mother, looking around nervously: I didn't say that, honey. I just said I don't like these paintings. The colors are too dark.
Young daughter, loudly: That's because he's black!
(mother hurriedly pulls daughter out of the room)
–The Whitney
Woman standing in front of a painting by Jackson Pollock: … And he just took the paint and schmootchka’d it all around, and people went, ‘Oooh!’
–The Met
Hippie girl about public art: So… Do, like… all countries have statues?
–New School
Overheard by: old school
Art student: I could never date someone who doesn’t understand expressionism. I would rather die.
–12th & Ave B
Bimbette looking at gigantic marble head: Do you think the men were really this big, or the artist just made it look like that?
–The Met
Overheard by: Jingles
Guy, about his art: I could use a tarp. I like the thingness of the tarp, but I don’t want to overdo it.
–G train
Overheard by: sweetchuck
Woman on cell, joyfully: You’re my new craft project!
–102nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Cisi
Girlfriend: Spanish art is so weird.
Boyfriend: Yeah.
Girlfriend: Those were some macabre motherfuckers.
Boyfriend: Yeah.
–Metropolitan Museum of Art
Woman #1, in front of painting of the Virgin Mary: This is the oddest depiction of Mary I've ever seen. And the most sexiest.
Woman #2: She's so… Boobilicious.
–The Met
Guy: My wife doesn’t like my tattoos.
Woman next to him: I’ve always thought that marriage should be like a driver’s license. You can either renew it after five years… or not.
–F Train
