Middle schooler on field trip: Oh my god, we're gonna get knifed.
–Times Square
Woman on cell: Do you have any chainsaws I can borrow?
–38th & 2nd
Harley Davidson dude to another: So I stabbed that guy, and that guy, and then that guy.
–7th St & Bedford Ave
Overheard by: NYCQ
Woman on cell: Today is not the day. I can't come to 14th Street or I'll stab you.
–42nd St & Ave of the Americas
Overheard by: Matthew
Flamboyant hipster Latino to straight-looking Latino boyfriend: Someday he'll call you daddy, and then all hell is gonna break loose.
–Ave C & 16th St
Lady to nine-year-old boy: I hate to tell you, but your dad is in jail. He owes me a lot of money!
–R Train
Guy on cell: Yeah, look, I told you. Your bail was set at $18,000. The bail bondsman wants 10%. Where the fuck am I supposed to get $1,800 to bail your sorry ass out of jail? (pause) Yeah, I love you too, dad.
–33rd St b/w 7th & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Jason
FedEx delivery guy on cell: How the hell did Halle Berry get pregnant without me being the father?
–Spruce St
Overheard by: janine
Guy to friends: She walks like she has a huge dick, that's how she walks!
–Office Building, 34th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Spacedog ears
Drunk guy: So I put my dick in the hard drive.
–10th St & Ave A
Overheard by: guy walking dow street friday
Girl on cell: I can't compete with his dick!
–L Train
Overheard by: fuhggedaboudit
Angry hot girl to friend: Even if he's the biggest swinging dick in the world, so what?
–10th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: jennifer tobias
Angry middle-aged woman to silent husband: I come home, I want some gin and some dick.
–59th St & Lexington Ave
Overheard by: Dave
NYU student to another: I haven't been drinking as much since I turned 21.
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: Rogelio
College girl to friend: I wasn't drunk, I was just cheerful.
–Canal St & Mott St
20-something girl on cell: He was drunk and fucking his demon ex-girlfriend.
–181 & Ft. Washington
Guy in dirty army clothes to another: I was still drunk, thank god Dunkin' Donuts was open.
–D Train
Middle aged guy on cell: That's what happens when you drink, motherfucker! You can't remember shit!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Aron
Girl: I would totally eat the shit out of a cupcake!
–St. Mark's Place
Mom to little boy crying after dropping popsicle: I'm not buying you another one!
–Central Park
Overheard by: Katherine
Thin blonde girl: I love food. I wish I could make love to this cookie…
–NYU
Very hot girl in expensive outfit to guy walking away: Oh, so looking at candy and toys is more important than my need to go to the bathroom?
–82nd & Central Park West
Pimp to player across the street: Yo! Stay over there, this side's for pimps and that side's for players. I'm a pimp. Lemme show you that pimp walk! (starts walking down the street, gets to player) How you like that, playa? That's how we do it, pimp style.
–115th & 7th, Harlem
Overheard by: beeloo
Female college student: Valentine's Day? Girl, pimps don't do Valentine's.
–1 Train
Girl on cell: I feel like a pimp, I say hi to everybody.
–86th & 4th, Brooklyn
Elderly man to even more elderly man: I'm gonna pimp-slap you right down on the street!
–Times Square
Midwestern tourist woman walking into trashy store: I hope this isn't a porn shop!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Jingles
30-something woman on cell: I'm not bringing the baby to the porn convention!
–Hilton Theater
Man on phone: Did you say "corn" or "porn"?
–Onion News Network
Overheard by: Kaze
Man to wife: Don't worry, I don't need to upgrade. That's what porn is for!
–40th & Broadway
Overheard by: mel
Young female 20-something to another: Don't you ever learn anything? You can't sleep with your boss!
–42nd & Madison
Overheard by: Eric S
Guy to another, outside Apple store: Well, first you have to find him, then fund him, and then fuck him.
–14th St
Girl on cell: I've had really bad first base that turned into really good sex.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Rob Gioia
Woman in too-tight business suit, screaming into cell: Listen, buddy, I can always find another fuck buddy!
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: Nunez
Woman on cell: Number one: I'll tell you what you can do with that fish. You can shove it right up your ass! (pause) Number two: You know what you can do with that fish? You can shove it right up your ass!
–Steps, The Met
Overheard by: gossipgirlish
Boy to mother: Mama, can we surprise grandpa with a catfish?
–Central Park East
Overheard by: walter
Woman reading map: No dead fish in Nebraska.
–D Train
Overheard by: Sunny
Girl to guy friend at hip hop show: That chick just sprayed her coochie with perfume. Now it smells like a fish died and the other fish sent flowers.
–Voodoo Lounge, 1st Ave
Fat girl to herself: Walk by the cakes, walk by the cakes.
–Grand Central
Sales guy: We've got your whale, now you want to get a cupcake?
–FAO Schwartz
College girl to friend: Yay! Someone is guarding the queer cupcakes!
–Lerner Hall, Columbia University
Little girl: I want ice cream! (mother keeps walking) You're fired!
–125th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Rose Fox
