Wednesday One-Liners Vary

My Anti-drug? Wednesday One-liners

Jersey girl: There is no way Anna Nicole lost that weight on TrimSpa. She’s obviously smoking crack.

–4 train

Chick: Yeah, she’s trying to put back on the 10 pounds she lost during her little crack experimentation.

–Rivington & Allen

Overheard by: Josh Mueller

Crackhead: I had never seen anybody smoking crack. I had no idea what it looked like, somebody smoking crack. Until my uncle. And you know, he changed my Pampers.

–Fourth Ave & Dean Street, Brooklyn

Overheard by: sparkle shortz

Long-hair: Yeah, so for my birthday I just got myself a shitload of mescalin. And all I did was sit in my apartment all day, tripping my ass off.

–14th & 8th

Overheard by: debo

Guy: I could have been an astronaut if i didn’t do so many drugs. Why
didn’t anyone tell me?

–Pratt Institute

Wednesday One-liners Do Their Civic Duty

Guy: That’s crazy, man. That’s worse than crazy, that’s fucking psychotic! Seventy dollars for a fucking permit. Seventy, eighty dollars for a moving violation, that I understand. But seventy dollars for a fucking permit? The fucking well is running dry!

–Prospect Avenue station

Overheard by: Alison

Teen girl: Let’s order together but have them put it in separate bags. We’ll pay less tax that way.

–Wendy’s, Union Square

Overheard by: Nathan Kipe

Tourist:…no, really! The streets are so clean!

–24th & Broadway

Overheard by: Manhattman

The PC Keeps Going on Siesta

Clerk: What’s in the box you’re shipping?
Customer: A computer.
Clerk: Where’s it going?
Customer: Spain.
Clerk: Is that domestic?
Customer: No, that’d be fairly international.

–Kinko’s, Duane Street

Overheard by: Joshua Cody

Girl: Bitch, for the last time, Spain is not part of Latin America!

–Columbia University dorm

Wednesday One-liners Are Smokin’

Guy on cell: Dude, I’m looking in a mirror right now, and I’m really hot. Seriously though, do you think I’m really hot or just average?…But you haven’t seen me since I got rid of my hair…

–North Six, Williamsburg

Drunk guy: Yeah, she’s a model. Anybody that pretty has a 6 pound dog, she’s a model.

–Chelsea Piers

Overheard by: Diane

Chick on cell: I don’t know if it’s his complete lack of direction in life or his total depression, but I find him like soooo freaking hot.

–110th & Broadway

Overheard by: djlindee

Enjoy Your Visit, Wednesday One-liners

Midwestern mom: Oh my word, that mannequin has nipples!

–Saks Fifth Avenue

Girl: Whoa, that building is tall!

–Empire State Building

Southern lady on cell: New York City, New York…Yes, I’d like the listing for Starbucks…You mean there’s more than one?

–Times Square

Woman on cell: They have strange stores here. She made me come to this place called Archaeology.

–Anthropologie, 5th Avenue

Overheard by: rehey11

Tourist chick: OK, this is 14th Avenue, we are only three stops away, we should prepare to get out. OK, everybody stand up and get to the doors right now!

–E train

Overheard by: Ting

Taste the Rainbow of Wednesday One-liners

Black kid: He don’t know if he’s a fag, man. He’s at that time, you know, your body’s changing.

–Chambers Street station

Twink: Why does every gay bar smell the same?
–Urge, 2nd Avenue

Overheard by: Scott Anderson

Lesbian: Then I had an epiphany: I realized I had a mullet. And I started to cry.

–17th & 6th

Dramasexual: Do you want to come up to my place and “ease on down the road”?

–1/9 train

Queer: Oh my gawd that dawg looks just like my Janet (I named her after Janet Jackson, god bless her). My dawg’s name was Janet, my cat’s name was Janet, Janet Janet Janet! And the cat was a boy, too.

–Union Square dog run

Overheard by: Lisa G.

Say What, Wednesday One-liners?

Softball coach: Who’s not here? Who’s ever not here, raise your hand!

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: Andrea

Woman: Some people are idea people but don’t do anything about it, and some people are executioners.

–2/3 train

Hippie: Yeah, it sucks, he needs a quintuplet bypass!

–Red Hook post office

Overheard by: Mia Mylet

Girl: Well, I’m taking Portuguese this semester, ’cause it’s a requirement to be an accountant.

–NYU Bobst Library

Overheard by: Greg

Even a Penny Helps, Wednesday One-liners

Hobo: She’s fine, I’d fuck her…her too. And that one. And….ooh, not her, you can have that one.

–Madison Square Park

Old hobo: Who the fuck said black people are dangerous? The next person I hear say that I am throwing in the next dumpster!

–40th & 8th

Hobo: People, if you do not have a useable skill and/or a good pussy, you do not get that train ticket home!

–Times Square

Wednesday One-liners, For Chrissakes

Crazy lady: I spent two years single, and then I met Jesus. And Jesus and I have been together for four years. And Jesus never forgets to call and check in once in awhile. He says, “Hey, how you doin’?”.

–Sunnyside

Overheard by: Mikey

Guy: He was into wearing slippers without socks. Like Jesus.

–Union Square station

Subway preacher: Jay Z ain’t gonna save ya! Jesus’ll save ya!

–West 4th Street station

Wednesday One-liners are Retarded

Guy: My life is beginning to feel distinctly like the Special Olympics.

–10th & Broadway

Overheard by: Nick Bremer

Dude: All I’m wearing is the clothes on my back.

–D train

Fratboy: Yo, I’m pretty sure only the retarded baby survived!

–Cozy Cafe, 1st Street

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