Wednesdays and the One-Liners Who Hate Them

Girl to friend: That’s because my heart is filled with hate and yours is filled with kittens.

–Something Else, Park Slope

Overheard by: jayloo

White guy: Well, if Kate* was my soulmate I wouldn’t hate having sex with her so much.

–W 57th & 11th

Well-dressed man to self, after making meowing noises: I hate my ex, I hate that fucking bitch! I’m going to stick a tennis ball in her muffler!

–Bleecker & Broadway

Teen girl to friends: And she, like, gave me an 88%. I can’t fucking believe her! I can’t even hate her, right? If she’d just failed me like usual, I could hate her. But she gave me a freaking 88%.

–Astoria-Bound N Train

Overheard by: Ben

Sad 30-something: My boyfriend’s mother hates me. She hates me because I’m out of work … And I shoot up in her house.

–7th Ave & 9th street, Park Slope

Drunk angry girl on cell: Answer the damn phone, you bastard! Answer the phone! I hate you! I love you! Call me.

–Port Washington Train

Posted on June 25, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Guys, Heroin, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, Park Slope, Relationships, Sex, Store, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Violence, We Love Our Pets, Weirdness, White People

No New York Jury Would Convict Me of Murdering Her

Guy, to girl: …and when I told her it was an espresso she said she hadn’t ordered that. She said she had ordered coffee.
Guy and girl, at the same time: An espresso is coffee!
Guy: And then she said: “Can I get some milk for this?”
Girl: Oh my god, are you serious?

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Hannah

Posted on June 24, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Coffee, Default, Girls, Guys, Offers and requests, Stupidity, The Village, Weirdness

We Paid a Lot of Money to Get You Into That School for Mutes

Two-year-old boy: Mom, I missed you a lot in school.
Mother: Don’t talk.

–Pizza Place, 86th & Broadway

Overheard by: eliza

Posted on June 24, 2008
Boys, Default, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Parents, Restaurants & Cafes, School, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

My Political Views Are Purely Facial-Hair Based

Young guy in green polo: If he wasn’t a moron and wanted to kill the Jews, I would have voted for Hitler.
Young guy in blue button-down: Yeah, me too!

–Grey Papaya’s, 8th St & 6th Ave

Posted on June 24, 2008
Default, Guys, Hitler/Nazis, Judaism, Politics, Restaurants & Cafes, The Village, Weirdness

Lucille Ball: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

20-something girl: I thought you said this walk was only fifteen minutes?
Eastern European guy: This is a walk of shame! Walk of shaaaame.
20-something girl (looking sad): That isn’t what this is, is it?

–Dunkin Donuts, Nostrand and Lafayette

Overheard by: Kire

Posted on June 24, 2008
Brooklyn, Default, Foreigners, Girls, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Time, Weirdness

How Children Learn to Stop Giving Warnings

Small child: I’m going to bite you, mom!
Mom: No, wait till we get off the train.

–1 Train

Posted on June 23, 2008
Boys, Default, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Should've Used a Condom, Threats, Weirdness

After Experimenting, Goldilocks Finds a Religion That’s Just Right

Guy #1: Y’know, I really just need to get it through her head that there’s nothing wrong with waking up naked in a Jewish synagogue.
Guy #2: Yeah… I feel that, man.
Guy #1: I mean, now that it’s happened more than once, she really needs to realize that it’s okay.

–NYU Gallatin Elevator

Posted on June 23, 2008
Default, Elevators, Guys, Judaism, Nudity, NYU, Weirdness

Hag Recruiting Starts With an Attack on the Candidate’s Self-Esteem

Flamboyant NYU guy: Oh my gosh! I haven’t seen you in so long!
Ditzy NYU girl: I know, right? Oh my god!
Flamboyant NYU guy: This is, like, so weird! I was just thinking about you!
Ditzy NYU girl: Aw, cute! When?
Flamboyant NYU guy: I was all alone at home on Friday night and feeling really depressed and then I realized you probably didn’t have any plans either! That made me feel better!
Ditzy NYU girl: Hah… Wait, what?

–W. 4th & Greene St

Overheard by: jon

Posted on June 22, 2008
Default, Girls, Guys, Questions, Relationships, Students, The Village, Weirdness

The Germans Are Their Natural Predators

Boy at German bar: There’s too many Germans in Pittsburgh.
Girl at German bar: That’s why there aren’t any Jews!

–6th & D

Posted on June 21, 2008
Bars & Clubs, Boys, Default, Girls, Hitler/Nazis, Judaism, Religion, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Weirdness