Screaming hobo: … But you know she was artificially inseminated by aliens!
Suit: Wait… Who?
–NYU
Screaming hobo: … But you know she was artificially inseminated by aliens!
Suit: Wait… Who?
–NYU
Burly construction worker: Nah, I’m telling you, man. You got it all wrong. Apple turnover is one of those little cake things.
–39th St, between 8th & 9th
Checkout lady holding up customer’s pear on counter: What the hell is this?!
–Key Food, East Village
Overheard by: J
Guy: … I didn’t know why she was chewing on a pickle with an inflated glove over one eye.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: McFreaky
Coworker: I’m just saying, broccoli is the least respected vegetable in the vegetable kingdom. You can’t argue that.
–Madison Ave
Overheard by: Georgia Peach
Conductor after train pulls into station: Mrew! Mrew! Apples and bah-nay-nays!
–7 train
Drunk lady on cell: So, I’ve been pinned against the wall all night by a woman telling me about her bowel movements… And to top it all off, I found avocadoes on sale today for 99 cents!
–St. Mark’s & 5th, Park Slope
Girl: This friend of mine, her cat killed an endangered bird… in Germany. They had to bury it, like, three feet underground.
–Queens-bound E train
Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie
Dude on cell: I saw Tim Burton on an interview the other day, and I said to my cat, ‘Snicket, behold a man who has never yet combed his hair!’
–AMDA entrance
Overheard by: McKinley’s Friend
Girl: And her cat and my cat are, like, really close…
–BX26 bus
Guy: I mean, I don’t even eat cat…
–14th St & 5th Ave
Guy to friend: No, cocaine. Cats really like cocaine!
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Overheard by: Kerri
Little boy: Sometimes I get confused. Daddy does it like this.
Mom: It’s not about the motion. See, look at my finger…
–89th & Park
Overheard by: MojoSaves
A well-dressed, middle-aged woman is being kicked out of a restaurant for inviting herself to sit at several other customers’ tables.
Waiter: Come on, you have to leave.
Woman: Baby, there is basically an aura about me. Would you care to venture through it?
–Restaurant, W 4th St
Midlife crisis #1: So, she met this really nice guy at a UFO convention.
Midlife crisis #2: Oh, really?
Midlife crisis #1: Yeah. He claimed he was abducted by Artylians.
Midlife crisis #2: Oh! That helps.
–Waiting area, NY Penn
Coworker #1: I just found out what ‘queef’ means.
Coworker #2: You’re on speakerphone.
Coworker #1: Queef, queef, queef, queef.
–Midtown office
Overheard by: Ruth
Queer #1: So, what is this movie about?
Queer #2: Gael Garcia Bernal moves to Paris and starts having some weird dreams.
Queer #1: Of an erotic nature?
Queer #2: I certainly hope so.
–Angelika Film Center
Overheard by: queer_number_3
Chick #1: Did you ever stop and think about trains? Like, they’re just like, so weird. They’re like… snakes.
Chick #2: Are you high?
–A train
Dude: It weirds me out when deaf people can talk.
–Bryant Park
Chick: There’s a house, and he grew up in that house, and now he lives in that house. How weird. How local.
–N train, Queens
Overheard by: Morgan
Guy: I want a giant tattoo of Weird Al and Thomas Dolby shaking hands.
–Bar, Lower East Side
Hipster on cell: Is wanting a bed-and-breakfast, a weed garden, and a forest full of Thai tranny fawns so fucking weird?
–Houston and Elizabeth
Girl: So we were at her house the other day smoking pot, and I was like, ‘This pot tastes weird.’ And I asked John if it tasted weird and he said, ‘Yeah, it does.’ So I asked her if she had been using her crack pipe to smoke pot out of again and she said, ‘Oops.’
–20th St & 8th Ave
Bright-purple-mohawk guy to shaved-head girl with multiple nose piercings: Your best friend is so weird!
–12th St & University Pl
Overheard by: Joe
Suit on cell: Yeah, it’s kind of weird dating my sister.
–33rd & 7th
