Williamsburg

More Detail Then?

College girl: My friend told me that if you join the Peace Corps, you’ve got to learn to skin and gut animals. Even if you are a vegetarian!
Redneck guy: I’ve gutted hundreds of animals.
College girl: I’m morally opposed to gutting animals. I only want to see chicken in Saran Wrap at the grocery store.
Redneck guy: I’ve gutted about 800 chickens, 200 ducks, 200 deer.
College girl: Please. I don’t want to hear about your animal gutting history any more than you want to hear about my sexual history.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Shy

…And Jimmy’s a Girl

Queer #1: You are so gay.
Queer #2: I am not gay! Why do people keep saying that?
Queer #1: Well, you made out with Robert, and you slept with Jimmy.
Queer #2: Robert kissed me, I didn’t kiss him.

–Greenpoint

An Order of Magnitude Less Valuable

Hipster girl #1: Did you see Project Runway last night?
Hipster girl #2: Yeah, finally Vincent was voted off.
Hipster girl #1: I know, he should have been voted off a while ago
Hipster girl #2: Well, Vincent wasn’t the smartest guy in the world… I mean, he cashed in his 41k.

–4th & Bedford

Overheard by: hoppe

And This Damned Restraining Order Is Not Helping a Bit

Guy #1: I love how pretty girls smell good.
Guy #2: Yeah. Have you ever sniffed one?
Guy #1: No.

–Bedford Ave, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Olivia

Cinderella’s Stepsister Has Second Thoughts About Cutting Off Her Toe Just to Fit into the Damn Shoe

Ghetto chick #1: I’m injured! I should go in the bus first.
Ghetto chick #2: You’re not injured.
Ghetto chick #1: Yes, I am, I bled, I bled on my new shoes!

–Metropolitan & Grand, Williamsburg

Overheard by: sardine in a can

And Remember, Fans, Wednesday Is ‘Pussy Tattoo Night’ Here at the Ballpark

Woman #1: I don’t know how I’m gonna get Bernie to go down on me. I’ve even tried waxing.
Woman #2: Maybe you can tattoo a little Yankees logo down there.
Woman #1: Are you kidding? It would be a holy object. He would kneel and make burnt offerings.
Woman #2: At least he would be kneeling. That’s a start.

–Williamsburg

Sir Mix-a-Lot Likes Wednesday One-Liners (And He Cannot Lie)

Museum patron: Tell me the story again about what happened to my bottom?

–Cafeteria, the Met

Woman to misbehaving child: Jamillah Fatima! Do not make me have to make the love connection to your behind on the C train!

–Brooklyn bound C train

Overheard by: ryan

Girl: Man, it’s hotter that 50 butt cracks in here!

–American Apparel, N 6th St, Williamsburg

Idle dreamer: Man…I wish I had, like, 59 butts.

–Apple Store, 5th Ave

Overheard by: i still sell the iPods

Walking VD: I told her straight up I only like her for her ass!

–Kissena Blvd & 71st Ave, Queens

Teen boy: I’m gonna spread your booty cheeks.

–108th & Manhattan

Overheard by: N

Man: Shit, I’ll eat a pig’s ass if they fry it right.

–471 Lincoln Place, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Michael O’Connor

Working Title: To Ralph, With Love

“Art” chick: So your film is only 7 minutes long. What it’s about?
“Film” chick: I don’t really know what it’s about, but I can tell you what happens. It’s in a classroom, but, like, it’s really just a room…When Karen vomits in the corner, it’s really exquisite.

–DuMont, Union Ave, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Philip

Wednesday One-Liners Enter a Persistent Vegetative State

Hipster on cell: Yo, eggplant can be vegetarian, right?

–77th between 2nd & 3rd

Overheard by: Anonymous Ambivore

Middle-Aged woman: Damn vegetarians, always trying to take over the world.

–Starbucks, 51st & Broadway

Overheard by: Emaline

Girl: Are bums allowed to be vegetarian?

–Chipotle, 6th Ave between 21st & 22nd

Overheard by: Rabid-Panda

Guy: She’s vegetarian?! I thought she was an alcoholic?

–B7 bus

Shrewd observer: You’ve had way too much cock in your mouth to be vegan.

–Outside The Lucky Cat, 245 Grand St, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Constintina

Shoeshine man to group of young people: It ain’t natural. Our bodies, they have the hormones to digest meat. If we were like a goat–and not to insult you, miss, ’cause you’re prettier than a goat–but then that’s okay that we don’t eat meat. But we ain’t. We’re carnivores. If you’re a vegetarian, you gotta listen to your body. It’s tellin’ you: “Meat me!” You know, like, “Meat me!”

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: jacqmander

Because I’m Puerto Rican

Queer #1: What did he just say?
Queer #2: He called you maricon. It means faggot in Spanish.
Queer #1: Oh, thank God. I thought he called me Mexican. I was about to be really offended.

–Lorimer St, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Ray

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