Woman #1: I don’t know how I’m gonna get Bernie to go down on me. I’ve even tried waxing.
Woman #2: Maybe you can tattoo a little Yankees logo down there.
Woman #1: Are you kidding? It would be a holy object. He would kneel and make burnt offerings.
Woman #2: At least he would be kneeling. That’s a start.
–Williamsburg
Museum patron: Tell me the story again about what happened to my bottom?
–Cafeteria, the Met
Woman to misbehaving child: Jamillah Fatima! Do not make me have to make the love connection to your behind on the C train!
–Brooklyn bound C train
Overheard by: ryan
Girl: Man, it’s hotter that 50 butt cracks in here!
–American Apparel, N 6th St, Williamsburg
Idle dreamer: Man…I wish I had, like, 59 butts.
–Apple Store, 5th Ave
Overheard by: i still sell the iPods
Walking VD: I told her straight up I only like her for her ass!
–Kissena Blvd & 71st Ave, Queens
Teen boy: I’m gonna spread your booty cheeks.
–108th & Manhattan
Overheard by: N
Man: Shit, I’ll eat a pig’s ass if they fry it right.
–471 Lincoln Place, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Michael O’Connor
“Art” chick: So your film is only 7 minutes long. What it’s about?
“Film” chick: I don’t really know what it’s about, but I can tell you what happens. It’s in a classroom, but, like, it’s really just a room…When Karen vomits in the corner, it’s really exquisite.
–DuMont, Union Ave, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Philip
Hipster on cell: Yo, eggplant can be vegetarian, right?
–77th between 2nd & 3rd
Overheard by: Anonymous Ambivore
Middle-Aged woman: Damn vegetarians, always trying to take over the world.
–Starbucks, 51st & Broadway
Overheard by: Emaline
Girl: Are bums allowed to be vegetarian?
–Chipotle, 6th Ave between 21st & 22nd
Overheard by: Rabid-Panda
Guy: She’s vegetarian?! I thought she was an alcoholic?
–B7 bus
Shrewd observer: You’ve had way too much cock in your mouth to be vegan.
–Outside The Lucky Cat, 245 Grand St, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Constintina
Shoeshine man to group of young people: It ain’t natural. Our bodies, they have the hormones to digest meat. If we were like a goat–and not to insult you, miss, ’cause you’re prettier than a goat–but then that’s okay that we don’t eat meat. But we ain’t. We’re carnivores. If you’re a vegetarian, you gotta listen to your body. It’s tellin’ you: “Meat me!” You know, like, “Meat me!”
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: jacqmander
Queer #1: What did he just say?
Queer #2: He called you maricon. It means faggot in Spanish.
Queer #1: Oh, thank God. I thought he called me Mexican. I was about to be really offended.
–Lorimer St, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Ray
Hispanic dude: Whoa, you better watch out. The cops will bust you for carrying an open container.
Hispanic chick: No they won’t. She’s white.
–N 1st & Bedford, Williamsburg
Overheard by: open container
Man: The yogurt won’t fall. I’m straight.
Woman: You are straight!
Man: I am straight… now.
Woman: Thank god that’s over.
Man: Let’s get out of here before the whole thing collapses.
–Food Bazaar, Williamsburg
Mom: You see? You almost hit that nice lady. Then she would have sued you and took all your PlayStation games
–N 12th & Bedford, Williamsburg
Overheard by: sonibug13
Mom: No, Cyrus! Don’t touch that! You have ringworm!
–Post office, Upper West Side
Guy #1: Is he sterile?
Guy #2: I hope so, he turned out to be kind of a dick later.
–Bedford & N 5th
Overheard by: severed dreams
Puerto Rican teenager hanging with his homies: Yo GIMME YOUR BIKE!
Hipster riding by on his BMX: Gimme your haircut! I like your crispy hairlines!
–Grand & Havemayer
Overheard by: lil pirate
