Engorged and Tingling Wednesday One-Liners

Drunk Brit with arm around ugly lady: Oh, Jesus, just walking is making me horny.

–10th & 2nd

Overheard by: emilia

Girlfriend to boyfriend: Your hair is making me horny.

–B train

Overheard by: Janelle

Guy in hoodie: I don’t know — rain gear just doesn’t really turn me on.

–Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ktg

Loud woman: According to recent research, a nine-month-old fetus can experience an erection.

–Bus to Staten Island

Chick on cell: … And he was, like, rubbing his erection on me, and I was like, ‘Dude, you’re rubbing your erection on me…’

–Fordham University

Lady: What are horny men doing at Build-a-Bear, anyway?

–40th & 5th

Overheard by: don’t wanna know

Posted on July 4, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Boyfriends, Brits, Clothing, Drunks, Erections, Fordham, Getting Off, Girlfriends, Hair, Horny, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Staten Island, Store, Union Square and East Village, Weather, Williamsburg

I’m Told That Work Is Also an Excellent Distraction

Hipsterette #1: I just don’t know what to do!
Hipsterette #2: Just be an artist, baby. Paint it out. Paint all your emotions out.

–S 1st & Havemeyer, Williamsburg

Posted on June 21, 2007
Artists, Arts & Letters, Brooklyn, Hipsters, Williamsburg

If That Doesn’t Work, There’s Always Rum

Ghetto mama #1: Yeah, I get him ready for bed, and then he starts cryin’ and shit.
Ghetto mama #2: Girl, you give that baby some NyQuil before you put him to bed and he will be good to go.

–Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Posted on June 15, 2007
Advice, Black People, Drugs, Idiots, Kids, Moms, Williamsburg

All Your Base Are Belong to Wednesday One-Liners

Woman who endured rush hour: Wow, what a rush! That was just like Frogger!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Amy D M

Girl watching friend play Frogger: Oh, I remember how to play! You’re supposed to avoid the cars!

–Barcade, Williamsburg

Overheard by: champ

Dude: I’m telling you, I was put on this Earth just to play fuckin’ Tetris.

–W 13th St

Overheard by: Lauren L

Little Dominican boy to classmate: Why you had to tell on me, white boy, version-one-of-Donkey-Kong?!

–PS 8, Washington Heights

Overheard by: Mona

Law student: He’s a good professor, but he doesn’t have that Mortal Kombat instinct. You know — finish him!

–Sammy’s Noodle Shop, 6th Ave

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on May 23, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, Dominicans, Elementary & Middle School, Fighting and ass kicking, Grand Central, Nicknames & name calling, Public Transportation, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, School, Students, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Video Games, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, West Village, White People, Williamsburg

Reader Poll: Will That Quote Ever Fucking Die?!

Boy at screen door: Mom, can I come in?
Mom: Show me.
Boy: What?
Mother: Show me the money.

–Meserole Ave, Greenpoint

Posted on April 27, 2007
Boys, Kids, Moms, Money & Class, Questions, Talking/Convos, Weirdness, Williamsburg

The Not-So-Quick and the Dead

Guy #1: Yeah, so I was like, dead for two minutes.
Guy #2: Fuck yeah, dude! You fuckin’ died! [High five] What was it like?
Guy #1: I dunno, dude, I was dead!

–Brooklyn Industries, Williamsburg

Posted on March 29, 2007
Death, Guys, Idiots, Stupidity, Williamsburg

Situational Ethics

Girl #1: Hey, your tag is still on your sweatshirt.
Girl #2: I know. I’m thinking about returning it.
Girl #3, a minute later: Hey, your tag is still on your sweatshirt.
Girl #2: I know! I’m hip hop.

–Williamsburg

Posted on March 11, 2007
Clothing, Girls, Thievery, Williamsburg

Wednesday One-Liners Need a Homing Device

Late-20s woman: Up until six months ago, I thought Europe was a country. I just didn’t know…

–6 train

Overheard by: 21 and knows better

Social butterfly: Williamsburg? Where is that? Pennsylvania?

–Broadway & Bond

Overheard by: the bfd

Dude: What? You’re not from Illinois, you’re from Chicago!

–Cheesecake Factory

Female tourist: Where’s Chicago, again? Oh, that’s here in New York, right?

–Outside Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: Genissimo

Astonished woman: Los Angeles is not a state!

–Outside Javits Center

Overheard by: Tara

Asian tourist chick: Is this considered the West coast?

–Max Brenner, Union Square

Posted on February 21, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Brooklyn, Education, Global Geography, History & Geography, Idiots, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Not New York, NYC Geography, On the Subway, People, Places, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, The Bronx, Topics, Tourists, U.S. Geography, Union Square and East Village, Venues, Williamsburg, Yankee Stadium

So We’re Going Out Next Friday

Girl #1: … And then I kicked him in the nuts. And, like, I drew blood.
Girl #2: Oh my god…
Girl #1: I know, right? So, I go to bed, and while I’m sleeping he writes ‘Best friends’ on my door… in blood.

–Barcade, Williamsburg

Posted on February 18, 2007
Girls, Relationships, Violence, Williamsburg

I Want a Piece of That Action!

Seated old guy gesturing across the street to young couple kissing: Why do they keep doing that? They do that every morning!
Old guy walking by: Yeah?
Seated old guy: Every morning!
Old guy walking by: Bah, humbug!

–N5 & Bedford, Williamsburg

Posted on November 17, 2006
Assholes, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Old People, Questions, Williamsburg