Hipster #1: They’re called what?
Hipster #2: Urban Youth. Like Hitler Youth, but funny.
–St. Mark’s Pl
Hipster #1: They’re called what?
Hipster #2: Urban Youth. Like Hitler Youth, but funny.
–St. Mark’s Pl
Girl: If she were dead, she would have called, right?
–83rd & York
Overheard by: Will
Suit: Well see, I’ve always either been single or in a relationship.
–Duane & Broadway
Overheard by: McGins
Guy on cell: Yeah, what he said made us sound stupid. But it made me sound even stupider!
–Broadway & Bleecker
Overheard by: jillypickle
Girl on cell: Hello? No, you have the wrong number…Hello? No, I told you you had the wrong number. What are you, illiterate?
–M train
Overheard by: Jane
Guy: Yo, I never knew Dean Koontz wrote books in Spanish. He’s mad smart! And Bill Clinton, too!
–Barnes & Noble libros en espanol section, Union Square
McChick: Would you like that “with cheese”, or without “with cheese”?
–McDonald’s, 44th and Lex
Man: Oh shit, it’s raining outside too?
–Office, 40th & 3rd
Overheard by: Colin F.
Bewildered white woman: What? What’s “ashy”?
Put-Upon black woman: “Ashy”? You don’t know what “ashy” means? Like, “That crackhead is ashy”?
–4th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: gloria
Ghetto queer, mocking ghetto chick: ‘It’s been so nice seeing you again…’
Ghetto chick: You know, I’ve been friends with him for so long, but something about seeing him today was just so… different. I guess maybe his essence was just too big for a MySpace page.
–72nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Has been waiting for this.
Female suit #1: God! These people are so, so, annoying!
Female suit #2: Totally. There are too many persnickety people in this world.
Female suit #1: Persnickety people!
Passing hobo: Exceptional cheese!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Alicia Morris
Blonde girl: I can't believe he pulled his dick out. Except not really. Except kind of. Except I kind of had to put it back in.
–W 34th & 8th Ave
Overheard by: innocent bystander
Crazy hobo, to himself: Geritol. Yup, that's what she needs. That woman just likes some dick. And there ain't nothin wrong with that. Nothin wrong with a woman likin a long hard dick. Women like dick. Ain't nothing wrong with that. She's gonna get some Geritol all right. Cause see, you got to get it up in the crevices. Work it in with a little Bengay.
–Men's Bathroom, Penn Station
Overheard by: Phil
Salvadoran guy, discussing use of the word "faggot": They can take a dick up their ass, they can take a fucking joke.
–Lawton St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Eric Frazier
Black guy: Man, I can't wear tight pants because I have a big dick! My dick needs to breathe! (holds himself)
–Penn Station
Female Central Park crossing guard: Das cuz da dick was great!
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Robert H
Crazy hobo (to the tune of Elvis’ Hound dog): Ain’t nothing but a hound dog! (mutters next two lines) And you never fuck a rabbit in the ass, cause that’s just a waste of time!
–E 4th St & 2nd Ave
Man, to the tune of Hit Me Baby One More Time: I need to pee out of my urethra.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Noelle
Guy in back of the bus wearing headphones and singing: (almost inaudible) I wanna die…I just wanna die.
(everyone stares at him)
Guy: (almost inaudible) I wanna die… I wanna dieeeeeeee.
–Bx 9 Bus, Fordham Plaza
Overheard by: Krisztina, sitting right in front of him
Homeless guy singing while shaking paper cup full of change: Oh me, oh my… There goes perfection. Oh me, oh my… Here comes an erection.
–13th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: rolf
Young Hispanic man singing to Led Zeppelin’s Stairway to Heaven: And there’s a wino down the road!
–E train
Overheard by: In_the_Shadows
Crazy hobo signing to two passing women: Vaaaggiiinnnaaa… Vaaagggiiiinnaaaa. (stretches out his neck towards them and emphasizes) Vaaaaggggiiiiinnnaaaaaa!
–Near NYU
Overheard by: Joe
Guy #1: Yo, come and get some falafel with me.
Guy #2: Waffles?
Guy #1: No man, falafel. Trust me, it's mad good.
Guy #2: What is it?
Guy #1: Shit, I can't even explain it. It's like… chicken and waffles.
–Mamoun's Restaurant
Chick #1: What’s that? ‘Smegma’? That’s not a word.
Guy #1: Of course it’s a word.
Chick #1: Bullshit. What does it mean?
Guy #1: Haven’t you ever heard of dick cheese?
Chick #1: Get the fuck out of here.
Chick #2: It’s crud that grows under men’s foreskins.
Guy #2: You must date all Jewish guys.
Chick #2: Or Muslims.
Chick #1: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Guy #1: Don’t you inspect a cock before you put it in your mouth?
Chick #1: I don’t put cocks in my mouth.
Guy #2: Which explains why she’s here playing Scrabble on a Saturday night.
Guy #1: You don’t give blow jobs? Honestly?
Chick #1: No.
Guy #2: Why not? You’re an attractive adult woman.
Chick #1: I think it’s gross.
Guy #1: Maybe she tried it once and the guy had smegma.
Chick #2, taking hand of Chick #1: Come with me and I’ll explain. [They leave the room, and Chick #2 comes back alone minutes later] Let’s go. She doesn’t feel like playing any more.
Guy #2: First no blow jobs, now no Scrabble. She’s really painting herself into a corner.
Guy #1: Before we get lost in all these other issues, I get 42 points for ‘smegma.’
–Scrabble party, 34th & 2nd
Overheard by: Big Larry
