Getting Wednesdayed Is Easy; Staying One-Linered Is Hard

Man to woman: Well, I've already been in two successful marriages…

–Hudson River Park

Talkative husband to blase wife: We've been married for over a year, who would not like us?

–F Train

Overheard by: Elise

Girl: So, when you say "married," is that like "married-and-just-not-divorced-yet," or like "married-married-and-actually-living-together"?

–6 Train

Woman on cell: Well, it's a good thing you didn't marry Susan's brother, because he ended up losing a testicle.

–DUMBO, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Megan

Woman on cell: Sorry, but if I wanted to be heavily sedated and drunk all day, I'd marry you.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Josh

Guy with eye patch: If a girl eats out your ass on the first date, you marry her!

–77th & 34th

Posted on September 30, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Balls, Breaking Up, Brooklyn, Couples, Dating, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Guys, Kink, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Parks, Questions, Straight Trippin', Street, Stupidity, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

Get It All Out Before 2006

MC guy: Okay everyone, I need a verb!
Girl: Crysturbate!
MC guy: Cry…what?
Girl: It’s like, when you’re sad and you masturbate!

–Kimmel Center, Washington Square South

Overheard by: Athena

Woman: …so, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to masturbate or cry!

–Comfort Diner, West 23rd Street

Posted on September 22, 2015
Masturbation, Offers and requests, Questions, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Weirdness, Words

Harlot, 1995-2000: I Was a Team Player Skilled in Oral Communication with Customers

Acting student, performing a scene: You cheated on me! You harlot!
Acting professor: No, no! Now would you say ‘harlot?’ If someone called me a harlot I’d say ‘Oh thank you so much!’ You’d say you mother-fucking bitch, you whore, you slut! ‘Harlot’ sounds beautiful, I’d put it on my resume!

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: team jeffrey

Posted on September 5, 2015
Actors, Advice, Fordham, Students, Teachers/Professors, Theater & Dance, Words

As Good a Jew As You Are a Baptist, Sweetie

Ghetto black lesbian: Look, you are Time Magazine’s Person of the Year.
Jewish lesbian: That is so lame.
Ghetto black lesbian, picking up a card instead: What does ‘shalom’ mean? Does anybody know what ‘shalom’ means?
Jewish lesbian: You are asking the wrong Jew.
Ghetto black lesbian: What kind of Jew are you? What good are you?

–Duane Reade, Broadway & Reade

Overheard by: Just trying to buy some cards

Posted on August 30, 2015
Duane Reade, Jews, Judaism, Lesbians, Words

A Better Question Is, Why Are People Still Leaning on the Doors?

Young boy: I can read this. “Do not lean against door.”
Mom: Close. “Do not lean… on… door.” Very good! Did the picture help you read it?
Young boy: No, yes, no, no!

–6 Train

Overheard by: Phillip Roncoroni

Posted on August 27, 2015
Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Parents, Pictures, Questions, Words

Dr. Seuss Got This Crap a Lot.

Elderly woman: Come on now, we're disemboating…
Sassy son: “Disemboating”? How about “disembarking”? What are they teaching you at the home, English for Americans?

–Ferry to Governors Island

Overheard by: Loves to Disemboat and her colleague, Chronic Disemboater

Posted on August 25, 2015
Education, Ferry, Kids, Languages, Old People, Weirdness, Words

And We Don't Even Have Cars There

Black hipster girl being given directions: Huh? Crosswalk? What is a “crosswalk”?
Shop girl: Honey, I'm from Ohio and I know what a crosswalk is!

–Vintage Store, West Broadway

Overheard by: Murray

Posted on August 22, 2015
Black People, Clerks, Directions, Girls, Hipsters, Questions, Store, Stupidity, Words

Wednesday One-Liner, Huh! What Is It Good For?

JAP on cell: If more people wore glitter there would no war.

–Therapy Store

Crazy old guy: I want a dog for president. You know why? Dogs don't start wars.

–31St & Ditmars, Astoria

Overheard by: Randi and Patrick

(at an anti-war rally)
Street vendor: Say no to war, say yes to Louis Vuitton!

–Midtown

Overheard by: Oh the irony

50-something guy on cell: You see, we are a military agency, not a government agency. (pause) So when I punched out that Homeland Security guy, I punched out a civilian.

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: Ksenia

Eight-year-old boy: I dare you to fight in the civil war!

–7 Train