Mother: The other day I walked past a bunch of Hispanic teenagers. They smelled really good.
Teen boy: It’s Axe.
Mother: What?
Teen boy: Axe.
Mother: Wait, what?
Teen boy: Axe!
Mother: Ass? That’s not nice to say about Hispanic people.
–SoHo
Overheard by: Kevo C.
Blonde model: I can’t believe she wants President Bush at her wedding!
Brunette model: I know. What if he says “nuc-u-lar” or something!?
Blonde model: Why would he say “nuc-u-lar” at a wedding?
Brunette model: Helloooo? Because he’s the President!
Blonde model: True…
–67th & Madison
Man to woman: Well, I've already been in two successful marriages…
–Hudson River Park
Talkative husband to blase wife: We've been married for over a year, who would not like us?
–F Train
Overheard by: Elise
Girl: So, when you say "married," is that like "married-and-just-not-divorced-yet," or like "married-married-and-actually-living-together"?
–6 Train
Woman on cell: Well, it's a good thing you didn't marry Susan's brother, because he ended up losing a testicle.
–DUMBO, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Megan
Woman on cell: Sorry, but if I wanted to be heavily sedated and drunk all day, I'd marry you.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Josh
Guy with eye patch: If a girl eats out your ass on the first date, you marry her!
–77th & 34th
MC guy: Okay everyone, I need a verb!
Girl: Crysturbate!
MC guy: Cry…what?
Girl: It’s like, when you’re sad and you masturbate!
–Kimmel Center, Washington Square South
Overheard by: Athena
Woman: …so, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to masturbate or cry!
–Comfort Diner, West 23rd Street
Acting student, performing a scene: You cheated on me! You harlot!
Acting professor: No, no! Now would you say ‘harlot?’ If someone called me a harlot I’d say ‘Oh thank you so much!’ You’d say you mother-fucking bitch, you whore, you slut! ‘Harlot’ sounds beautiful, I’d put it on my resume!
–Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: team jeffrey
Ghetto black lesbian: Look, you are Time Magazine’s Person of the Year.
Jewish lesbian: That is so lame.
Ghetto black lesbian, picking up a card instead: What does ‘shalom’ mean? Does anybody know what ‘shalom’ means?
Jewish lesbian: You are asking the wrong Jew.
Ghetto black lesbian: What kind of Jew are you? What good are you?
–Duane Reade, Broadway & Reade
Overheard by: Just trying to buy some cards
Young boy: I can read this. “Do not lean against door.”
Mom: Close. “Do not lean… on… door.” Very good! Did the picture help you read it?
Young boy: No, yes, no, no!
–6 Train
Overheard by: Phillip Roncoroni
Elderly woman: Come on now, we're disemboating…
Sassy son: “Disemboating”? How about “disembarking”? What are they teaching you at the home, English for Americans?
–Ferry to Governors Island
Overheard by: Loves to Disemboat and her colleague, Chronic Disemboater
Black hipster girl being given directions: Huh? Crosswalk? What is a “crosswalk”?
Shop girl: Honey, I'm from Ohio and I know what a crosswalk is!
–Vintage Store, West Broadway
Overheard by: Murray
JAP on cell: If more people wore glitter there would no war.
–Therapy Store
Crazy old guy: I want a dog for president. You know why? Dogs don't start wars.
–31St & Ditmars, Astoria
Overheard by: Randi and Patrick
(at an anti-war rally)
Street vendor: Say no to war, say yes to Louis Vuitton!
–Midtown
Overheard by: Oh the irony
50-something guy on cell: You see, we are a military agency, not a government agency. (pause) So when I punched out that Homeland Security guy, I punched out a civilian.
–Union Square Park
Overheard by: Ksenia
Eight-year-old boy: I dare you to fight in the civil war!
–7 Train
