[A woman is dragging a five-year-old boy into the women’s restroom.]Boy: I don’t want to go in.
Woman: Come on, it’ll only take a minute.
Boy: But you can wipe your ass by yourself now!
–Times Square
[A woman is dragging a five-year-old boy into the women’s restroom.]Boy: I don’t want to go in.
Woman: Come on, it’ll only take a minute.
Boy: But you can wipe your ass by yourself now!
–Times Square
Yuppie screenwriter girl: So I was a very precocious child. Or whatever, y'know. And I just wanted to explore that dynamic a little bit? Basically it's a buddy picture between the little me and the big me.
–14th & 8th
Yuppie woman: And what do I say to that? "I have a smack habit, give me money"!
–St. Mark's Place
Yuppie man: If I hear "breast milk cupcakes" one more time…
–Outside Gotham Bar and Grill
Yuppie, thoughtfully: It's not the mustard, it's what the mustard represents!
–Food Emporium, 2nd Ave
Tech director: I don’t need dirty, rusty, random screws.
–Lincoln Center Institute
Overheard by: Brina
Excitable Islamic Studies professor: … And what happened when the woodcutter spoke to Mohammed? Yes! He gave him wood! This man, he gave Mohammed wood! And why could only this man give Mohammed wood? Just because he was a woodcutter? No! And do you know what happened when this man gave Mohammed wood? Mohammed’s wood exploded into flowers! Yes!
–Eugene Lang College
Overheard by: amelia
Man on conference call speakerphone: Our card penetration was not what we expected from the district. Lucy*, can you tell everyone how you got such good penetration at your store this month?
–The Gap, Queens
Conductor: No! No doors in my rear! Not in my rear!
–A train, Broadway Junction
Overheard by: amused
Grandmother tourist to granddaughter: Wanna grab a pole, Lacey?
–6 train, 51st St
Overheard by: With a name like that……
Chick on cell: I sat on a Camelback’s nipple, and now my ass is wet.
–Harlem
Overheard by: Ladle
Woman with big bag squeezing past for a seat: Sorry — once I’m in, you won’t even feel me.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Rebecca
Woman #1: Oh my god, I can't believe you said that!
Woman #2: Shut up, I did not just say that!
Woman #1: You just said that.
Woman #2: When did I say that?
Woman #1: You like *just* said that!
–Starbucks, Battery Park Plaza
Boy: Look mommy, it's a doggy, it's going to say “ruff!”
(dog stares at boy)
Boy: Oh… It's not a ruff doggy…
Mom: No, honey, it's a sweet doggy.
Boy (wide eyed): It can say “sweet?”
–Washington Mews & University
Overheard by: Tyler
Girl: Look at the line at FAO Schwartz.
Guy: No honey, it’s FAO Schwarz. Schwarz. It’s like Schwartz, but without the Jew.
–58th & 5th
Overheard by: Jonas
Mother: The other day I walked past a bunch of Hispanic teenagers. They smelled really good.
Teen boy: It’s Axe.
Mother: What?
Teen boy: Axe.
Mother: Wait, what?
Teen boy: Axe!
Mother: Ass? That’s not nice to say about Hispanic people.
–SoHo
Overheard by: Kevo C.
Blonde model: I can’t believe she wants President Bush at her wedding!
Brunette model: I know. What if he says “nuc-u-lar” or something!?
Blonde model: Why would he say “nuc-u-lar” at a wedding?
Brunette model: Helloooo? Because he’s the President!
Blonde model: True…
–67th & Madison
Man to woman: Well, I've already been in two successful marriages…
–Hudson River Park
Talkative husband to blase wife: We've been married for over a year, who would not like us?
–F Train
Overheard by: Elise
Girl: So, when you say "married," is that like "married-and-just-not-divorced-yet," or like "married-married-and-actually-living-together"?
–6 Train
Woman on cell: Well, it's a good thing you didn't marry Susan's brother, because he ended up losing a testicle.
–DUMBO, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Megan
Woman on cell: Sorry, but if I wanted to be heavily sedated and drunk all day, I'd marry you.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Josh
Guy with eye patch: If a girl eats out your ass on the first date, you marry her!
–77th & 34th
MC guy: Okay everyone, I need a verb!
Girl: Crysturbate!
MC guy: Cry…what?
Girl: It’s like, when you’re sad and you masturbate!
–Kimmel Center, Washington Square South
Overheard by: Athena
Woman: …so, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to masturbate or cry!
–Comfort Diner, West 23rd Street
