Guy: Dude, I think I just farted on a model.
–Broadway & Bleecker
Overheard by: Adam Tetzloff
Guy: Dude, I think I just farted on a model.
–Broadway & Bleecker
Overheard by: Adam Tetzloff
Lady lawyer: Hey, what animal year are you?
Boy attorney #1: The monkey, I think.
Boy attorney #2: Dude, chimpanzees freak me out after seeing Outbreak.
Boy attorney #1: That was a monkey, not a chimpanzee.
Lady lawyer: The thing I don’t like about monkeys is their butts.
–Office, East 45th Street
Lady #1: Can you please choose a direction and stick to it? You almost made me tumble down the stairs!
Lady #2: What? I know you are not talking to me!
Lady #1: Yes, I am talking to you, you keep changing your direction left, right, back, and forth! You walk right in front of me as I am walking down the stairs and almost tripped me down the stairs!
Lady #2: Well, if you were not right up my ass, you would not have had a problem!
Lady #1: How can I avoid being up your ass? Have you seen how much room your ass takes up?–
Man: Ha!
Lady #1: –It’s like a wide load truck swerving across the highway with no warning to fellow drivers! It’s huge!
Lady #2: Nasty ass bitch!
Lady #1: I am sure you would know.
–103rd Street 1 station
Counter guy: Who is next on line for a sandwich?…Anybody?…Does anybody want a sandwich?…Okay, who wants a salad?…Anybody waiting on line for a salad?….Anybody want anything?…You, what would you like?
JAP: Excuse me, I was next!
–EEE’s, East 34th Street
Overheard by: SK
Queer: No, thanks.
Flyers woman: You’re a faggot.
Queer: Fuck you, you fucking piece of trash skank bitch. Why don’t you wipe off your clown makeup, get some acutane, and find a real job? Fucking bitch.
–110th & Broadway
Girl #1: Where’s Broadway?
Girl #2: Well, Broadway runs like the entire city from North to South.
Girl #1: But where’s the part that has the famous stuff, like Cats?
Girl #2: Oh, I have no idea.
–Fulton & Nassau
Overheard by: Velzzy
A woman at the next table is eating kielbasa with cole slaw.
Queer: Ew, that is so gross!
Woman: Do you want to know what’s gross? Sucking on someone’s cock that has just been in your ass.
–Veselka, 2nd Avenue
Chick #1: You know I wanna lose some weight, especially in my hips.
Chick #2: I felt like that a while ago. I was dating this guy and when him and I broke up I wanted to be slimmer when I saw him again. Girl, I took some weight loss pills and lost about 20 pounds. When I saw him again he said I looked sick. I had fucked around and lost my ass. I still haven’t gotten it back yet.
–80th & 3rd
Overheard by: Divine Essence
Black woman: I’ll mess you up! I’ll be waiting for you downstairs, you man-on-man faggot! White trash!
White queer: You don’t scare me! I’ve dealt with the feds, I can
deal with you!
–Welfare office, Boerum Hill
Overheard by: Sheep Overhearder
Black woman: Take that bag off your back.
White man: All it takes are two words: “excuse” and “me”.
Black woman: I’m not saying nothing to you.
White man: Sorry, I see that you only use your mouth for one thing, and that’s sucking dick.
Black woman: You are so rude. Take that back.
White man: Okay, I am sorry. I take it back. You also use your mouth for eating, as seen by the size of your enormous ass.
–4/5 train
Old lady: Julian! Get in the elevator, we are holding it for you.
Old man: I am in the elevator, it’s just my ass that was dragging behind.
–Apartment building, 66th & West End
Overheard by: Lubes
Old lady: I’m not moving until the light says go.
Old man: Yeah, you don’t want to get that rundown feeling.
–Crown Heights
Overheard by: Jamie Lloyd
Guy: Can you get your backpack out of my back?
Boy: There’s nowhere to put it.
Guy: Why don’t you put it in your ass?
–M86 bus
