Woman: …I am just trying to figure out why you thought it was okay for you to pack for a weekend at my parents’ home, in a backpack.
Man: What’s wrong with my backpack? You know I don’t own an overnight bag.
Woman: How can your only alternative be a fucking backpack? You can’t understand how that would be embarrassing for me? Jesus, Adrian, you’re 37 years old and you’re still traveling with a backpack?
–70th & 3rd
Overheard by: K. Bumsted
The bartender is wearing a Blondie shirt.
Guy: Do you even know who Blondie is? Do you know who JFK is?
Bartender: Were you even alive when JFK was alive?
Guy: I’ll bet you were born in 1982.
Bartender: Did anyone ever tell you how charming you are?
Guy: No!
–The Library, Avenue A
Guy #1: Dude, are you going to that party this weekend?
Guy #2: Oh, yeah. My girlfriend has been sick all week. She was, like, throwing up and coughing up a lung yesterday. I told her, ‘You better not get me fucking sick. I am not missing this party. I will seriously kick your ass if you get me sick.’
Guy #1: What did she say?
Guy #2: I don’t know. She fell asleep or something.
–Lincoln Center
Bully: What’s up? What’s up? What’s up? What’s up? What’s up? What’s up? Why are you jacking me?
Scared Russian teen: I don’t know what that means!
–D Train
Girl on cell: Hey, Jim…Yeah I’m on the bus. We’re at 8th Street, but they’re loading a cripple on, so I’m going to be late….I know!
Later in the ride…
Girl on cell: Hey, Jimmy…Yeah, now they’re unloading the cripple. You guys should just start eating. I know! Didn’t people used to be housebound? Don’t they do that anymore?
–B63 bus, Park Slope
Overheard by: lish
Girl: We used to go out–he was wonderful–so interesting, caring, funny, and great lover. But I dumped him because he was gay.
Guy: Are you sure?
Girl: …Well, maybe he wasn’t a gay after all…Yes, he definitely wasn’t.
–14th & 6th
Overheard by: goga
Tourist chick: Know what would be awesome? If we could manage to not sound like assholes for like 10 minutes.
Tourist guy: We’re from Ohio.
–PATH train
Suit on cell: It's not that I don't like people, I just think that they're expendable.
–Union Square Cafe
20-something to visiting family: We are about to go up a bunch of stairs. If you complain, you will be pushed back down them.
–Mulberry & Canal
Laughing suit to others: So, yeah, I just stepped over the body.
–42nd St & 5th Ave
Mother to small crying child: Honey, I did listen to you, but I can't make myself care.
–V Train
Overheard by: Hunter
Teen boy, watching a running woman in burka: When you see one of those runnin’, you gotta run for cover!
–Forest Hills
Overheard by: someone’s mom
Chick on cell: Fuck! I thought I told you not to touch that, asshole!
Chick #2: Watch your mouth, please. Not all of us want to hear that.
Chick on cell: Hey, I’ve got a ham hock and a cheesecake in my purse. I’ll give it to you if you mind your own business. Fair enough?
–F train
