Bus driver, swinging door open: If you ain’t good-lookin’, y’all ain’t gettin’ on my bus! [Girls outside stare.] I said, if you ain’t good-lookin’, you ain’t gettin’ on board!
Girl, slowly taking step: Well… I’m getting on this bus…
Bus driver: That’s right! That’s right! ‘Cause you good-lookin’! Get your ass in here!
–Fort Tryon Park
Overheard by: specialK
Guy #1: I love Tom Brady — not just the fact he’s a great football player, but he knocked up that hot chick, too.
Guy #2: I know, man. He’s a real handsome guy.
Guy #3: Yo, I was just thinking that, too! I would eat his asshole.
–Outside Ski Bar, 72nd & 5th, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: stevesoph
Guy #1: Did you see that chick who was throwing up?
Guy #2: No.
Guy #1: She had a pretty nice body.
–Metro-North
Tourist to friend: I could never live here. Everyone is way too attractive.
Queer passerby: God, I love New York.
–68th & Broadway
Overheard by: Codith
Fireman #1: You never hook me up!
Fireman #2: Uh…
Fireman #1: How many years have I known you, and you never once hooked me up?
Fireman #3: Well, that’s ’cause you’re disgusting.
–Fire Dept., Great Jones St
Queer #1: Is your friend coming this weekend?
Queer #2: Which one?
Queer #1: The ugly one. [Queer #2 stares, offended.] I’m sorry, but he is butt-ugly.
–Bronx-bound A train
Fag hag: So, how’s your hot cousin?
Queer: He’s dating this girl now… She’s cute, tall… Looks like Katie Holmes — has the same look on her face.
Fag hag: What look is that?
Queer: You know — sad.
–Nederlander Theatre
Overheard by: Crazy Legs Freddy
Salon receptionist calling man in waiting room: David*, you can pre-pay now.
David: I am here for a touch-up. I don’t have to pay this time.
Salon receptionist: Oh, that’s right — what are you getting re-touched, again?
David: My buttocks… Y’know, my butt.
–7th Ave South & Greenwich Ave
Drunk hobo to pretty girl: You are not pretty, you are not beautiful, and no one likes you.
Pretty girl, after hobo leaves train: Why do I live in this city?!
–4 train
Chick to another: She’s a weed-smoking, modern orthodox girl. I mean, I don’t think she goes to her rabbi’s high, but…
–Brooklyn Museum
Overheard by: cole
Professor: … So the art department on the set just smokes pot all day and paints blue boulders.
–Media Productions class, City College
Mini thug: Yo, I wouldn’t even have to be high out of my mind to enjoy this shit!
–Brooklyn Cyclone, Coney Island
Overheard by: Alie
Smoking model on cell: Um, yeah, he’s cute… But, duh — he’s addicted to opiates!
–Houston & Laffayette
Overheard by: Jake
Hobo to girls: How are you smiling in a city filled with a million crackheads?
–56th & 5th
Guy on a rant in front of Imagine mosaic: In my next life I want to be an amoeba! Make more music, smoke more pot… Eating healthily is expensive! We should all have 40 acres and a mule and start all over!
–Strawberry Fields, Central Park
Overheard by: I’ll have what he’s having
