Girl: … So then he was like, ‘Do you think I’m hot?’ and I was thinking, ‘Ewww,’ but instead I was like, ‘You’re cute,’ and he was like, ‘Yeah, I like you, too. You have a nice ass,’ and I was all, ‘Ewww!’
Friend: Oh, yeah! Like, the same thing happened to me!
–Queens College
Little girl: What happened to your glasses?
Little boy: I lost them in my room.
Little girl: That’s dumb of you… But you look much more attractive without them.
Little boy: Thanks!
–Starbucks, 85th & 1st
Overheard by: Micaela
Law gal #1: This is more pointless than giving a butt-ugly girl a nice haircut.
Law gal #2: Hey, a nice haircut helps.
Law gal #1: Have you looked at me lately?
–NYU Law Courtyard
Bus driver, swinging door open: If you ain’t good-lookin’, y’all ain’t gettin’ on my bus! [Girls outside stare.] I said, if you ain’t good-lookin’, you ain’t gettin’ on board!
Girl, slowly taking step: Well… I’m getting on this bus…
Bus driver: That’s right! That’s right! ‘Cause you good-lookin’! Get your ass in here!
–Fort Tryon Park
Overheard by: specialK
Guy #1: I love Tom Brady — not just the fact he’s a great football player, but he knocked up that hot chick, too.
Guy #2: I know, man. He’s a real handsome guy.
Guy #3: Yo, I was just thinking that, too! I would eat his asshole.
–Outside Ski Bar, 72nd & 5th, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: stevesoph
Guy #1: Did you see that chick who was throwing up?
Guy #2: No.
Guy #1: She had a pretty nice body.
–Metro-North
Tourist to friend: I could never live here. Everyone is way too attractive.
Queer passerby: God, I love New York.
–68th & Broadway
Overheard by: Codith
Fireman #1: You never hook me up!
Fireman #2: Uh…
Fireman #1: How many years have I known you, and you never once hooked me up?
Fireman #3: Well, that’s ’cause you’re disgusting.
–Fire Dept., Great Jones St
Queer #1: Is your friend coming this weekend?
Queer #2: Which one?
Queer #1: The ugly one. [Queer #2 stares, offended.] I’m sorry, but he is butt-ugly.
–Bronx-bound A train
Fag hag: So, how’s your hot cousin?
Queer: He’s dating this girl now… She’s cute, tall… Looks like Katie Holmes — has the same look on her face.
Fag hag: What look is that?
Queer: You know — sad.
–Nederlander Theatre
Overheard by: Crazy Legs Freddy
