Bimbettes

Wednesday One-Liners Go Back to School

Art teacher: Now you are true students of FIT! Nobody listens to directions!

–FIT

Suit on cell: I don’t know if going through water is resistance or friction, do you? God! I am so tired of doing the kid’s homework!

–46th between 7th & 8th

Female student: I think I’m gonna learn a lot. They were saying things that went, like, right over my head.

–Fordham

Overheard by: Jess McGins

NYU girl on cell: No, I’m not going to waste the credits. I’m just going to fail the class on purpose.

–Bleecker & Mercer

Overheard by: Kristin

Drunk chick: I’m majoring in the doggy-style orgasm.

–Slainte, 1st & Bowery

Overheard by: Genevieve

Professor to class: Most of you are familiar with the breasts of members of the opposite sex who are close to your own age.

–Columbia University Medical Center

Professor: I have no idea what you’re saying, but I know you’re wrong.

–Vanderbilt Hall, NYU

Overheard by: The King Adrock

I Ain’t Evolved From No Damn Sea Monkey!

Woman #1: When we got off the cruise we had to adapt to having land legs.
Woman #2: Well, sea legs is probably our natural state, from way back.

–100th & Broadway

My Advice: Cut Holes in Your Shirt

Hot girl: I mean, dudes are going to be staring at you anyway, but if your nipples are poking through your shirt then it’s just all over.
Nerdy Guy: Wow… Yeah!

–Upper East Side

Overheard by: rad dude

How Do You Know He Didn’t Go to College?

Blonde: Well, I want to visit that country where they speak African!
Redhead: Oh, you want to go to Africa to learn how to speak African? That is so cool.
Black businessman shaking his head: Africa is a continent, not a country, [sighs], and there is no language called ‘African.’

Black businessman departs at 34th Street.

Blonde: How’s he going to tell me that when we went to college and he didn’t? Plus, I heard President Bush call Africa a country in a speech.

–A train, 14th St

Overheard by: LDofHarlem

Like How You Internalized that Whole Cake Last Night

Girl #1: You could put yourself on a wait list.
Girl #2: Do you think I need to?
Girl #1: [Pause] W-A-I-T ‘wait,’ not ‘weight.’
Girl #2: Oh.
Girl #1: It’s bad to internalize.

–11th St & 3rd Ave

To Make It Explicit: The Center is Full of Rich Butter

Girl #1: Yeah, that French kid’s pretty hot.
Girl #2: His butt is like…it’s like a croissant!
Girl #1: Ohmigod, ew. But yeah, it’s true.

–1 train

We Should Tell Them

Bimbette #1: God, people in Midtown are sooo ugly.
Bimbette #2: Yeah, I know.
Bimbette #1: It’s probably because, like, 85 percent are tourists.
Bimbette #2: Oh my god, I know! Tourists are so ugly.

–Times Square

Yet They’ll Still Blame the Media

Chick #1: Like I lost 18 pounds, does it show?
Chick #2: Yeah! How did you do it?
Chick #1: I stop eating at 4 every day.
Chick #2: Wow, is that healthy?
Chick #1: I dunno, it works. It started when my trainer said,
“Bitch, you’re fat. Face it, your BMI is too high.”

–Port Authority ladies’ room

Overheard by: Bibi B

Woman: So I asked him, “How come I make 3 million dollars a year and you still don’t want me?” And he said, “Because you are a fat fucking cow!”

–Astor Place

Overheard by: bogica

How Many Danger Signs Can You Find?

Blonde: Yeah, so I talked to him on the phone about three weeks ago, and he was saying how we haven’t chilled ’cause he’s been in and out of court… I don’t know. I wish he’d call.
Brunette: Hey, maybe he’s in jail.
Blonde: Damn… I still didn’t get my lighter back!

–Park Slope

“My pectorals also seem overdeveloped.”

Girl #1: I think I hurt myself. Look at this. What is this?
Girl #2: That’s a muscle.
Girl #1: Right there?
Girl #2: It’s a calf. It’s supposed to have a muscle.

–NYSC, 59th & Park

Overheard by: Katie C

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