Short NYU girl: It's not fair! Why do I always have to suck his dick? He's your boyfriend.
Tall NYU girl: Well, he said I was really bad at it.
–Starbucks
Short NYU girl: It's not fair! Why do I always have to suck his dick? He's your boyfriend.
Tall NYU girl: Well, he said I was really bad at it.
–Starbucks
Drunk British chick: She clucked and mooed, so I said twelve.
–Red Hook, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Sam Jerman
Guy on cell: Did you know that one out of six people with scoliosis die every day? Yeah, I know… Ha! No, I’m just kidding. I made that up.
–Astor & Lafayette
Overheard by: Jay
Dude to chick: On a scale from one to cookie… you’re a seven.
–Central Park
Loud lady: I mean, how many times did I have my head between Greg’s legs? Only 12 or 13 times! Not that many times.
–Eugene O’Neill Theatre
Overheard by: tmoney
Black teen to his friends: Yo, I read the Bible nine times, and that shit contradicted itself like a motherfucker!
–Broadway & Steinway, Astoria
Female bartender: I'm double-jointed. Isn't that weird?
Sketchy barfly: You wanna see something weird? I can suck my own dick!
–Mars Bar
Overheard by: Pete
Girl #1: I’d totally teabag him! Wait, what’s the female equivalent of teabag?
Girls #2 & #3: Hmmm…
Queer #1: I dunno — what do you call it when someone dangles lunch meat in your face?
Queer #2: Roast beef curtains?
Girls: Ewww!
Queer #1: No, no, wait! It’s a cold cut swipe!
Everyone: Ewww!
–JFK
Overheard by: K to tha B
Chick: You should do it the right way, nigga. You should register that shit yo’self.
Guy: Fuck you, bitch. I’ma find somebody from my church to help me out, and that bitch gonna be suckin’ my dick in the back seat, not you.
–DMV, Staten Island
Teen guy: Come on baby, no one’s home yet.
Teen girl: No, I can’t.
Teen guy: You love me right?
Teen girl: Sure!
Teen guy: So what’s the problem?
Teen girl: You know.
Teen guy: What?
Teen girl: I got my period.
Teen guy: No shit, again?
Teen girl: Be happy about that.
Teen guy: …your mouth isn’t on any period, is it?
–B train
Overheard by: Michael Fitzgerald
Naive heterosexual friend: So when did you know you were gay?
Flamboyant homosexual friend: When I was sucking my daddy's dick while he was fucking my mom.
Naive heterosexual friend: Wow. Just… wow.
–SoHo
Young woman #1: So, my niece just gave him a blowjob… I’m so thankful.
Young woman #2: I know, right?
–A train, W 4th St
Overheard by: Paco
Yelling guy: Why did you swallow?! Laura, why did you swallow?! Why did you swallow?! Laura, why did you swallow?!
–12th & Ave A
Overheard by: Johnny Twisto
Guy on cell: Are you going to give me some fellatio? Chicka-chicka-bow-bow. Some felaysh, hm?
–66th & 1st
Overheard by: misplacedpom
Woman on cell: She can’t suck dick to save her life!
–51st & 5th
High maintenance lady to male friend: So he said to me, ‘Let me get a blow job,’ and so I said to him, ‘Not until I get a boob job!’
–39th & 6th
Chick: So, he comes back to my place and I gave him a blow job. Then in the morning he was gone, but he left $22.50 on the table. Is that weird?
–Brooklyn
JAP #1: I hate boys who won’t kiss you after you go down on them.
JAP #2: Yeah, I know. But I don’t kiss boys after they go down on me.
JAP #1: That’s awful! If he can handle it, you should too.
JAP #2: But it’s so bitter! I’m just saying: if they sold a jam the flavor of my vagina, I would not buy it.
–27th & 5th
