Yelling hobo to 20-something women: Do you love Jesus?! Jesus loves you!
Woman #1: No… apparently he doesn't. We're lesbians.
Yelling hobo: Lesbians?! Does your mama know?! Does your mama know you're a faggot?
Woman #2: Uuuh… her's mom's a lesbian, too.
Yelling hobo: What!? What would Jesus think of this?
Woman #1: Actually, Jesus is in my stomach!
–53rd & 9th
Drunken woman: Know what? If he does that one more time I'm gonna nail-file my teeth down to my brain.
Drunken man: I did that once. Not as bad as you'd think.
–BBQ Place, Times Square
Girl #1: What's that?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: That box in your mouth?!
–6 Train
Hot guy: Oh, by the way, did I tell you my girlfriend headbutted me?
Blonde: What? During sex?
Hot guy: Yeah, she gave me a bloody nose.
Blonde: Rough. Did you keep at it after the blood?
Hot guy: Yes.
–5th Ave
Overheard by: Sam Dullard
30-something woman on cell: And then he says to me "you have a very nice placenta!"
–85th & 3rd
Overheard by: Whitney Simmons
Shoe shine guy to woman walking by: Nice boots! Nice hat! You sure got a lot of nice things, lady!
–47th & 6th
Overheard by: CreateEvity
NYU girl on cell: Ew! Emma? I can't believe a guy is interested in Emma! I know she's nice, but that's just gross. I really just cannot believe anyone could possibly be attracted to her! She's so ugly!
–Washington Square Park
Enthusiastic Jewish lady in jury room: He's very nice! He's very nice! He's going to be a *happy* archbishop!
–Centre St
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Three-year-old girl: Don't be sassy, mommy, daddy's being nice.
–Front St.
Overheard by: Aviva
Older black man to circle of friends: I'll bend her over a bench and stick it into her! You know–I'm a nice guy.
–Flatbush & Lincoln
Teenage boy #1: I don't know, man. I mean, she's hot, but…
Teenage boy #2: Dude, have you seen her? I would wring her socks out with my mouth.
–20th St., Windsor Terrace
Overheard by: Mel
Hobo to couple: Right, right, so you take a donut, put it where it don't belong. Like in a tree. Now you got a tv. Take a cream cookie, wipe it on your mustache. Now you got a tv. I would put a chocolate cookie in the middle of a donut.
Woman: Oh my, where did you learn all this?
–Staten Island Ferry
Boy to girl: Hey, when you die, can I have your body?
Girl: To do what with?
Boy: Um…
–Cafeteria, The Bronx
Awkward tall man: A pigeon hit me in the chest today.
Attractive woman: That's because your chest is where most people's heads are. It was attacking.
Awkward tall man: Yeah, but it just stimulated my nipples a little bit.
–Greenpoint
Overheard by: Fatericbana
Guy: So then he put my Speedo on his head and I was like “Dude! That was from the dirty basket!”
Girl: Gross! Did he get pink eye?
Guy: No?
Girl: I heard that if you get poop in your eye you get pink eye.
Guy: I don't poop in my Speedo!
–Times Square
Overheard by: oh?
