Incomprehensible Wednesday One-Liners from Japan

Girl wearing yoga outfit to friend: And I'm like "you know that your face looks like a fucking cartoon character, don't you?"

–Houston & Mott

Overheard by: JohnJayinNYC

Teen boy: I don't like people. I just like Pokemon.

–Chipotle, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Mike N

Blipster: Girl, you know I already got a headache and then she all up in my face with that Dragon Ball Z breath.

–Fulton & Pearl

Girl, during promo network commercial before Up: It is not Cartoon Network if there are real people. I refuse to watch this show.

–Movie Theatre, Battery Park

Overheard by: Yelena

Excited man on cell: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? What are they? People love ancient Egypt way more than ninja turtles.

–Hungarian Pastry Shop

Overheard by: Casey Black

Scruffy hipster to friend: Now all we need to do is find Splinter and Donatello.

–L Train

Overheard by: lilli

Posted on August 12, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Battery Park, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Chinatown, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Grocery Stores, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, History & Geography, Insults, Men, Movie Theaters, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Street, Stupidity, Teens, TV, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Translation: “I'd Like You to Blow Me.”

Red-headed boy: I like your nose.
Brunette girl: Okay.
Red-headed boy: It's like “ah! I'm a nose!”

–R Train

Posted on August 8, 2009
Body Parts, Boys, Compliments, Girls, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Stupidity

Nature: 2 Nurture: 0

Hyper five-year-old boy #1, shocked: And in France, men kiss each other! On the cheek!
Hyper five-year-old boy #2, mumbling: Wow, I wish I was French.
Hyper five-year-old boy #1, puzzled: Wait, what?
Hyper five-year-old boy #2, disgruntled, sighing: Nothing.

–Coldstone Creamery

Overheard by: Kat

Posted on August 6, 2009
Body Parts, Gays and Lesbians, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Kids, Store, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Don't Torment the Homeless, Lady

Yelling hobo to 20-something women: Do you love Jesus?! Jesus loves you!
Woman #1: No… apparently he doesn't. We're lesbians.
Yelling hobo: Lesbians?! Does your mama know?! Does your mama know you're a faggot?
Woman #2: Uuuh… her's mom's a lesbian, too.
Yelling hobo: What!? What would Jesus think of this?
Woman #1: Actually, Jesus is in my stomach!

–53rd & 9th

Posted on August 4, 2009
Body Parts, Gays and Lesbians, Hobos, Jesus, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Parents, Questions, Women

But I Don't Smile for the Camera Anymore

Drunken woman: Know what? If he does that one more time I'm gonna nail-file my teeth down to my brain.
Drunken man: I did that once. Not as bad as you'd think.

–BBQ Place, Times Square

Posted on August 3, 2009
Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Restaurants & Cafes, Times Square, Weirdness

How to Come Out As a Lesbian, in One Easy Step

Girl #1: What's that?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: That box in your mouth?!

–6 Train

Posted on August 2, 2009
Body Parts, Girls, Licking, On the Subway, Questions, Vagina

I Wondered How You Got a Nose Like a Ukranian Grandma

Hot guy: Oh, by the way, did I tell you my girlfriend headbutted me?
Blonde: What? During sex?
Hot guy: Yeah, she gave me a bloody nose.
Blonde: Rough. Did you keep at it after the blood?
Hot guy: Yes.

–5th Ave

Overheard by: Sam Dullard

Posted on August 2, 2009
Blood & bleeding, Body Parts, Girls, Guys, Questions, Sex, Street, Violence

Nice Wednesday One-Liners Finish Last

30-something woman on cell: And then he says to me "you have a very nice placenta!"

–85th & 3rd

Overheard by: Whitney Simmons

Shoe shine guy to woman walking by: Nice boots! Nice hat! You sure got a lot of nice things, lady!

–47th & 6th

Overheard by: CreateEvity

NYU girl on cell: Ew! Emma? I can't believe a guy is interested in Emma! I know she's nice, but that's just gross. I really just cannot believe anyone could possibly be attracted to her! She's so ugly!

–Washington Square Park

Enthusiastic Jewish lady in jury room: He's very nice! He's very nice! He's going to be a *happy* archbishop!

–Centre St

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Three-year-old girl: Don't be sassy, mommy, daddy's being nice.

–Front St.

Overheard by: Aviva

Older black man to circle of friends: I'll bend her over a bench and stick it into her! You know–I'm a nice guy.

–Flatbush & Lincoln

Posted on July 29, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Church, Clothing, Compliments, Friends, Gossip, Happiness, Jews, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Pick-up Lines, Sex, Shoes, Sorority Girls, Street, Upper East Side, Vendors & Street Performers, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wanna Be King Of England?

Teenage boy #1: I don't know, man. I mean, she's hot, but…
Teenage boy #2: Dude, have you seen her? I would wring her socks out with my mouth.

–20th St., Windsor Terrace

Overheard by: Mel

Posted on July 28, 2009
Body Parts, Brooklyn, Clothing, Physical appearance, Pickiness, Teens, Weirdness

My Dentist Told Me When He Filled My Teeth With Jelly

Hobo to couple: Right, right, so you take a donut, put it where it don't belong. Like in a tree. Now you got a tv. Take a cream cookie, wipe it on your mustache. Now you got a tv. I would put a chocolate cookie in the middle of a donut.
Woman: Oh my, where did you learn all this?

–Staten Island Ferry

Posted on July 25, 2009
Body Parts, Couples, Crazy, Education, Food, Hobos, Homeless, Staten Island Ferry, Trees and plants, Women

Body Parts

Wanna Be King Of England?