Little old black lady: Excuse me.
Metro guy in sunglasses with legs spread across three seats: (no response)
Little old black lady: Son! I know your balls can't be that big. Close your damn legs!
(other people laugh, and Metro guy closes legs)
–N Train
Woman to teen girl: Where did you get those fabulous blue eyes?
Brown-eyed dad: From her mother.
Woman: But blue eyes are recessive.
Brown-eyed dad: You have no idea what a bitch her mother is.
–City Hall Park
Overheard by: Big Larry
Prudish girl #1: The only good thing about having small fingers is that you can get away with a small rock.
Prudish girl #2: Oh, totally.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Luke
Guy: Do I look like I ordered strawberries and cream? I have tattoos on my head and face!
–Starbucks
Being a full-time tranny is like having a tattoo on your forehead. Like, you can't work, like, what do you do?
–Brooklyn
Customer to another, about barber: Take him for example, he was in the special forces. He's got a big tattoo on his arm that says, "Kill 'em all, let god sort 'em out." Drop him off in Prospect Park today and tomorrow he'll be eating a sandwich.
–Park Slope Barber Shop
Overheard by: ian daywalker
Chatty young woman to bored-looking guy friend: You know, my shoes would really look a lot better if I had a foot tattoo.
–D Train
Man with tattoo that reads "don't go to hell" to friend: There's a funny story behind this tattoo. I was dating this bitch, and she would wake up every morning and suck my dick. Or fuck the shit out of me. And then tell me I was going to hell. You have no idea what this bitch put me through. I mean, sexually, she was great. We'd go out to bars and both of us would pick up chicks, so that by the end of the night we'd have two or three women hanging around us trying to go home with us.
–Chipotle
Overheard by: Jana
Preppy drunk blond #1 in ladies room: Oh my god! How are you? It's been so long since I've seen you!
Preppy drunk blond #2: Oh my god, I'm great! When I noticed I was bleeding I decided to come in here and wash my face!
–Circle Line Cruise
Overheard by: nika
Friend pushing cart to little girl: Get your feet out of the way! C'mon!
Mom of little girl: No, it's okay. She don't love her feet.
–F Train
Overheard by: Jaxx
Professor: May I speak of your mother's uterus?
Foreign grad student: Uh…
Professor: You're sharing such a small space. Someone's bound to get more resources. It's crazy!
–Lecture Hall, NYU
Overheard by: uteran lining
Girl wearing yoga outfit to friend: And I'm like "you know that your face looks like a fucking cartoon character, don't you?"
–Houston & Mott
Overheard by: JohnJayinNYC
Teen boy: I don't like people. I just like Pokemon.
–Chipotle, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Mike N
Blipster: Girl, you know I already got a headache and then she all up in my face with that Dragon Ball Z breath.
–Fulton & Pearl
Girl, during promo network commercial before Up: It is not Cartoon Network if there are real people. I refuse to watch this show.
–Movie Theatre, Battery Park
Overheard by: Yelena
Excited man on cell: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? What are they? People love ancient Egypt way more than ninja turtles.
–Hungarian Pastry Shop
Overheard by: Casey Black
Scruffy hipster to friend: Now all we need to do is find Splinter and Donatello.
–L Train
Overheard by: lilli
Red-headed boy: I like your nose.
Brunette girl: Okay.
Red-headed boy: It's like “ah! I'm a nose!”
–R Train
Hyper five-year-old boy #1, shocked: And in France, men kiss each other! On the cheek!
Hyper five-year-old boy #2, mumbling: Wow, I wish I was French.
Hyper five-year-old boy #1, puzzled: Wait, what?
Hyper five-year-old boy #2, disgruntled, sighing: Nothing.
–Coldstone Creamery
Overheard by: Kat
