Brunette girl: (enters elevator and stares angrily at Asian girl next to her, then leaves elevator)
Asian girl, to guy next to her: Oh my god!
Guy: What?
Asian girl: That was the same girl! I stuck a dildo in her mouth while we were all drunk last night.
Guy: Haha.
Asian girl: I don't know why she's mad at me. Like, what's the big deal, get over it.
Guy: Yeah, seriously.
–Chelsea
Guy: I'm hanging with Ray tonight. You know Ray?
Girl: Yeah, I know him! I used to sit on his face!
–4 Train
Overheard by: Rocco
Man on phone: Wait, so she bit you? Dude! Wait, what? She punched you? Oh, you went to punch her? Dude, you punched her?
–Penn Station
Too young for final stage alcoholism guy: I totally held my own. I knocked the girl out and fucked the guy up.
–10th St & Ave A
Gangster: Next time I see him, I'ma kick him in his good leg.
–Uptown F Train
Softball-player-looking girl to friends: If you ever wear a tiara at your wedding, I'm going to punch you in the face.
–Wagner Park
Overheard by: mclaire
Young mother to others: Yeah, but you hafta be careful. You can't just hit your kids in public.
–Rivington & Essex
Overheard by: verbal abuse ftw!
Boyfriend to girlfriend: But if I punch you in the throat you will stop breathing.
–SoHo
Teen girl: Did you see that? I almost punched Ira's glass in the chest! That was awesome!
–AMC Theater, 19th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Katie
Excited mother to son, watching Egypt exhibit: Oh, look, honey, those are esophaguses!
Embarrassed father, whispering: Sarcophaguses.
–The Met
Overheard by: KeaKea
Girl #1, at school cafeteria: What is that?
Girl #2: Polenta.
Girl #1: I've never had it. Can I have a bite of your placenta?
–Bedford-Stuy
Suit #1: So you liked him?
Suit #2: Yeah, he was a nice guy.
Suit #1: He has melanoma all over his face, though.
Suit #2: Yeah, I noticed that.
–1 Train
Crazy older guy to lady in park with barking dog: Lady, you keep that dog quiet! That dog is better-looking than you are.
–W 63rd & West End
Overheard by: Beez and Newb
Guy in red shirt: You make me feel so pedophilic when I tell you about violating my dog.
–Central Park
Man on cell: You're always saying your dog is sick! "My dog has diarrhea! I can't come out!"
–Fulton & Broadway
Overheard by: would you rather she have it?
Black kid to white couple walking poodle: I've only seen dogs like that in movies.
–Harlem
Overheard by: Poodle Lady
Girl on cell: So I'm getting off the a and I see this tall girl and I know her! So I'm like "Sarah?" and she's like "I haven't seen you since middle school!" and she cut all her hair off and she's like "When did you dye your hair black?" and my hair's soooo not black! But I saw Sarah! You know, the one whose cat tried to eat my toes off that one time! So we talked and then there was this lady who was totally tossing chow all over the place! Hello! Trash can right there—hold up, I gotta go, I see a Weiner dog!
–72nd St & Central Park West
Self-tanned woman on BlackBerry, pushing stroller: I'm gonna puke because you're not here with me!
–American Eagle
Overheard by: liveyourlife
Cheerful woman on cell: Oh yeah, I been getting mad nauseous on this bus! But I ain't putting my face near that toilet back there, nuh-uh. I'd rather get sick all over myself.
–Chinatown Bus to DC
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Guy waiting for n train: I just want to fucking go home and puke in my own fucking toilet!
–Canal St & Broadway
Woman: I come out of the bathroom after three hours of him barfing, and people think we were having sex! You think I'm that hot at 46 to go shag my boy in the middle of a party? And even if I were, I would have been gone for, what? Like, ten minutes? Max!
–Time Warner Building
Girl to friends: I definitely think gay vomit would be the prettiest.
–Perry & Bleecker
Overheard by: other contenders?
Girl: My back, neck, shoulders, knees, and ankles hurt!
Friend: Oh, so it's like all your joints?
Girl: No! My elbows are fine.
–6 Train
Overheard by: POLA
Loud-mouthed girl to friends: She says, "I've had sex with over 100 men." And so I says, "girl! You fourteen!"
–R Train
Thirty-something black man to Catholic high school girls: So what's it take for a couple of black guys to get to play with y'all's skirts?
–Metro-North
Overheard by: kfkdjsdf
Father to infant daughter in stroller: Hey! Close your legs!
–SoHo
Professor: Your favorite teacher from high school turned out to be a pedophile? Seriously? Well was he a real pedophile, or just a hooking-up-with-teenage-students kind of pedophile?
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Jack Package
13-year-old girl on phone: So guess what… I lost my virginity last night… looks like you owe me a soda.
–H & M
Overheard by: Imani
