Boyfriends

Wheresday One-Liners

NYU guy to tourist friends: Well, here's Grand Central!

–Broadway & Waverly

Guy on Sidekick to another: I wasn't sure if he was talking about Buffalo or Baltimore! I mean, I don't even know where Buffalo is! Is it a state?

–1 Train

Overheard by: amalthya

Ditzy girl sobbing on cell: You don't understand! They told me I was supposed to go to Penn Station but I just don't know where that is!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: queenofscots

Guy on cell: I don't get it–why go all the way to Ireland if you're not going to go see Stonehenge?

–Costco, Brooklyn

Girlfriend to boyfriend: Is this Times Square?

–85th & 1st

Overheard by: Special K

What About Eskimo Jesus?

Boyfriend: Look at that little kid, it looks like he's walking on water.
Girlfriend: He's Jesus.
Boyfriend: I never knew Jesus was a mulatto.
Girlfriend: No, he was Indian, didn't you know? (pause) An American Indian.

–6th Ave

Overheard by: eavesdropper

Um, Why Do You Think Mirrors Were Invented?

Girlfriend: So, you want to make out?
Boyfriend: Both of us?
Girlfriend: Uh… yeah, generally that's how it works.

–A Train

So We Know It's Fierce

Boyfriend: I guess we can get some stuff at Gristedes, the ghetto grocery.
Girlfriend: Gristedes isn't ghetto! It was on Project Runway!

–Gristedes

Overheard by: Fox

On the Internet I Do

Girlfriend: My shoes are killing me.
Boyfriend: If you don't stop I'll have to punch you in the cunt.
Girlfriend: Would you even know where to find it?

–East Village

Overheard by: C

Then Why Are the Ghostbusters Riding in It, Smart Guy?

Young tourist woman to boyfriend: Is that the Statue of Liberty?
Boyfriend: Umm…no. That would be the Empire State Building.

–30th & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Marie Ziskin

Nah, She’s Faking the Hysteria, Too

Boyfriend: I’m sorry, I just can’t be with you anymore. You’re too clingy.
Girlfriend: I’m not clingy! I fucked, like, ten other guys!
Boyfriend: While we were dating?
Girlfriend: Whatever, it was because you’re not that good in bed. Oh, yeah, I faked all my orgasms, by the way. And my boobs? –Aren’t water balloons!
Boyfriend: Dude. First of all, we’re on a motherfucking-packed subway. Second of all, being a crazy bitch isn’t going to help your case.
Girlfriend starts crying hysterically: You can’t break up with me! I love you! I love you! I love you!
Stranger, to boyfriend: If you’re thinking of killing yourself after this, I sell knives.

–Brooklyn-bound L train

Ever Get the Sense That Every Day Is Like an Episode Of Springer?

Tall, gorgeous girl to much shorter, uglier boyfriend: Why do you need to know were I was last night? I thought you said our relationship was all about trust!
Boyfriend: I'm your boyfriend! I have a right to know where you were and who you were with!
(as they stop walking and argue loudly, a small crowd begins to gather)
Tall girl: Do you thing I was cheating? Why would you think that? You're the one that said you're the only one that will ever love me!
(crowd boos boyfriend)
Boyfriend: I am the only man that will ever love you!
Random guy in crowd: I love you!
Boyfriend: You love me?
Random guy: No you douchebag, your girlfriend!

–Broadway & Wall St.

It Was on the Guido Licensing Exam!

Boyfriend: It’s called Taormina.
Girlfriend: Tromina?
Boyfriend: No, Taormina.
Girlfriend: Tarmina?
Boyfriend: No, tah-or-min-ah.
Girlfriend: Ta-roh-min-ah?
Boyfriend: How can you not say this? We’re fucking Italian!

–Mulberry St, Little Italy

Who'll Have the Last Laugh When the Messiah Pops Out?

Girlfriend: I'm not feeling so good.
Boyfriend: Why? What's wrong?
Girlfriend: I feel queasy and dizzy.
Boyfriend: What if you were pregnant?
Girlfriend: By what? Immaculate conception? Or your finger?

–13th St & 4th Ave

Overheard by: Biscuit-lover

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