Dude, Would You Please Cowboy Up?

Desperate law student: But I love you!
Heartless biotech: That’s your problem, not mine.
Desperate law student: I can’t live without you.
Heartless biotech: So don’t.
Desperate law student: You wouldn’t even care if I killed myself, would you?
Heartless biotech: Not unless you decided to do it in front of my house and I had to have police and the media there. Then I’d be pissed.
Desperate law student: How can you be so cruel to someone who loves you so much?
Heartless biotech: Oh, just one thing — if you do decide to kill yourself try to do it the week of August sixth, ’cause I’ll be in Martha’s Vineyard with Jason then.

–Brooklyn Law School library

Overheard by: Big Larry — cringing with empathy

Posted on May 20, 2021
Biotechs, Boyfriends, Breaking Up, Library

Wednesday One‐Liners for Celebretards

Young black guy to another: You know, Obama is to politics what Richard Simmons is to exercise.

–PATH Train

Guy standing outside bar: And she was like, “What, like Gary Coleman?” and I’m like, “No, not like fucking Gary Coleman!”

–4^th & 10^th

Girl to boyfriend: Well, Tom Green only had one testicle. It’s totally fine.

–E 11^th St

Overheard by: j

Suit on cell: And I was like, “Fuck you, Ryan Cabrera”!

–Bedford & 6^th St

Black girl on cell: I told you, we’re like the Paris Hiltons of Liberia.

–Borders, Wall St

Overheard by: step

Guy (after taking picture with Jeremy Piven): Damn! I can’t put this on MySpace. I’m wearing the same shirt I wore when I met Chazz Palminteri!

–Outside Barrymore Theatre

Overheard by: Pasta…Salad

Posted on May 13, 2021
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, Black People, Boyfriends, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Gossip, Guys, Insults, Movies, Music, Myspace, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Politics, Race, Sports, Store, Suits, Theater, Trains Not Subway, TV, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, West Village

I Will Be Your Ashtray/ I Will Be Your Bidet

Drunk woman to boyfriend, coming out of a restaurant: Can I sit on your face and smoke?
Man: Sure, honey!

–Hell’s Kitchen

Overheard by: Kenny

Posted on March 6, 2021
Body Parts, Boyfriends, Drunks, Kink, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, Smoking, Weirdness

That “Stacy’s Mom” Video Ruined My Whole Generation

Indian girl to boyfriend: Can you believe she did that? I was just like “what the fuck?“
Boyfriend, obviously not paying attention: Mhhmm. You’re right.
Indian girl, angrily: Stop thinking about my mother’s breasts!

–Kimmel Student Centre, NYU

Overheard by: I know I would

Posted on February 13, 2021
Boyfriends, India Indians, NYU, Parents, Rack, Weirdness

Depends on Whether I Get Everything Back

20‐something girl singing: Put your cock and balls in my mouth… La‐la‐la.
Boyfriend: What?
20‐something girl: I just think it would be fun.

–66^th & 3^rd

Overheard by: I wish

Posted on January 4, 2021
BJs, Boyfriends, Girlfriends, Penis, Upper East Side

Wheresday One‐Liners

NYU guy to tourist friends: Well, here’s Grand Central!

–Broadway & Waverly

Guy on Sidekick to another: I wasn’t sure if he was talking about Buffalo or Baltimore! I mean, I don’t even know where Buffalo is! Is it a state?

–1 Train

Overheard by: amalthya

Ditzy girl sobbing on cell: You don’t understand! They told me I was supposed to go to Penn Station but I just don’t know where that is!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: queenofscots

Guy on cell: I don’t get it – why go all the way to Ireland if you’re not going to go see Stonehenge?

–Costco, Brooklyn

Girlfriend to boyfriend: Is this Times Square?

–85^th & 1^st

Overheard by: Special K

Posted on December 6, 2020
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Couples, Crying, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, Lies, NYC Geography, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Only in New York, Penn Station, Questions, Store, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Tourism, Tourists, Travel, U.S. Geography, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners

What About Eskimo Jesus?

Boyfriend: Look at that little kid, it looks like he’s walking on water.
Girlfriend: He’s Jesus.
Boyfriend: I never knew Jesus was a mulatto.
Girlfriend: No, he was Indian, didn’t you know? (pause) An American Indian.

–6^th Ave

Overheard by: eavesdropper

Posted on August 3, 2020
Boyfriends, Girlfriends, Jesus, Kids, Race, Street

Um, Why Do You Think Mirrors Were Invented?

Girlfriend: So, you want to make out?
Boyfriend: Both of us?
Girlfriend: Uh… yeah, generally that’s how it works.

–A Train

Posted on May 15, 2020
Boyfriends, Girlfriends, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, On the Subway, Questions, Stupidity, Wishes & desires

So We Know It’s Fierce

Boyfriend: I guess we can get some stuff at Gristedes, the ghetto grocery.
Girlfriend: Gristedes isn’t ghetto! It was on Project Runway!

–Gristedes

Overheard by: Fox

Posted on December 6, 2019
Boyfriends, Girlfriends, Grocery Stores, Shopping, TV

On the Internet I Do

Girlfriend: My shoes are killing me.
Boyfriend: If you don’t stop I’ll have to punch you in the cunt.
Girlfriend: Would you even know where to find it?

–East Village

Overheard by: C

Posted on November 7, 2019
Body Parts, Boyfriends, Couples, Default, Girlfriends, Gripes, Punch, Sensory Experiences, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Vagina

Boyfriends