Guy: I was seeing her for a while, but it just wasn’t working out. I guess I’m not over Jessica.
Girl: What?
Guy: What do you mean, what?
Girl: I thought you were gay.
Guy: Oh, because I’m a hairdresser. How original. Just because I’m a hairdresser you think I’m gay.
Girl: No. I thought you were gay because when I stayed at your house four years ago I woke up and saw you fucking Matt in the ass!
Guy: Oh my God. Matt and I have never talked about that night.
–9th & B
Overheard by: GavinM
Crying queer: I just wasted my time and his for five years.
Consoling friend: Don’t have a negative attitude. Never look at a relationship like that. Every relationship, no matter how bad, adds to your life. I feel that with every relationship you always walk away with something. [Queer rolls eyes.] How about all that jewelry?!
–Kittichai Thompson Hotel
Overheard by: Never walked away with anything
Guy to girlfriend: Will you just hold my fucking hand?
–45th & Broadway
Overheard by: waiting for my prince charming
Guy: You know, I used to think cheating on girls was wrong.
–Whitestone, Queens
Overheard by: Michelle
Young woman, looking at Lolita book jacket: Wow. This kind of reminds me of my relationship.
–Borders, 33rd & 7th
Overheard by: with a K
Man on cell: No, dear, I do not want to hear what you’re doing to yourself right now.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Alexandra
Woman, to man she’s just kissed: What was your name again?
–2nd St & 1st Ave
Man on cell: My wife is driving me crazy! She keeps following my girlfriend around! Wait, hold on, I have to take this call. Hello…Yeah I just stepped out of the office for a few minutes… Thanks, honey, you’re the best.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Sara Swank
Girl on cell: He liked me too much, so I fuckin’ dumped him.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: buffalo
Hostess #1: So the day after he dumped me, he bought me a copy of The Latin Sexual Vocabulary.
Hostess #2: And this is why classicists should never be allowed to meet one another.
Hostess #1: Yeah, now I know ten ways to say “fuck you, asshole” in Latin.
–Boat Basin Cafe, W. 79th Street
Hell's kitchen gay #1: Is it too weird that my boyfriend and I dated the same guy?
Hell's kitchen gay #2: Uhh…
Hell's kitchen gay #1: Well, I broke up with Jake, and then Jake broke up with Travis, and then Travis and I got together.
Hell's kitchen gay #2: Well at least you were all broken up first.
–53rd & 8th
Girl: We used to go out–he was wonderful–so interesting, caring, funny, and great lover. But I dumped him because he was gay.
Guy: Are you sure?
Girl: …Well, maybe he wasn’t a gay after all…Yes, he definitely wasn’t.
–14th & 6th
Overheard by: goga
Bodybuilder: Dude, I was ignoring all the RED FLAGS that were going up about my relationship! You GOTTA ask yourself whether you’re gonna let her do that to you!
–71st & Broadway
Overheard by: Todd Seavey
Businesschick: Are you still with that girl?
Businessguy: No. She kept trying to get me to go to AA. One night out with me and you’ll see..!
Businesschick: Oh, I’ve seen the aftermath. The stitches, the blood.
–Midtown Office
Girl #1: I just don’t get it! He said they were just friends… But they were always hanging out. Then all of a sudden he dumps me!!
Girl #2: Girl friend, you’ve been Jolie’d!
–C train
Guy: Man, what you have to say is, ‘This is me. This is you. And this is the door!’
–Bedford Ave
Overheard by: Mark P
