Cute blonde girl: I was in Duane Reade last night at three a.m. I was buying little green army men!
Cute brunette girl: Why were you buying little green army men?!
Cute blonde girl: I don’t know!
–545 45th St
Overheard by: Javi
Cute blonde girl: I was in Duane Reade last night at three a.m. I was buying little green army men!
Cute brunette girl: Why were you buying little green army men?!
Cute blonde girl: I don’t know!
–545 45th St
Overheard by: Javi
Guy: So how come we can’t try butt loving?
Girl: I’m saving it for my husband.
Guy: Are you serious? That’s like so…Victorian of you.
–Soda Bar, Vanderbilt Ave, Brooklyn
Headline by: axamendes
Runners-Up:
· “Actually, It’s More Victor/Victorian.” – Faith
· “And Calling It ‘Butt Loving’ Isn’t?” – Ante K
· “Gives New Meaning to ‘Do You Have Price Albert in the Can?'” – Lydia
· “I Want a ‘Brown Wedding'” – clarence rosario
· “I’ll Even Show You My Ankles as I Give You a Rim Job” – sara swank
· “Jane Austen’s First Draft: ‘Reader, I Butt Loved Him.'” – Sarah
· “Monogamy Is Such a Pain in the Ass” – Karlikitten
· “Next, on the History Channel: Felching During the Reign of King Richard” – Matt
· “Victorians Were So Anal!” – eighty4sapphire
· “Virginity, Fudged” – Sara
· “Yeah, I Know, But It’s the Only Thing Left in My Dowry” – ilemanzer
20-something dude: I don't get why a tourist would spend their whole day trying to spot an actor.
Friend: Yeah.
20-something dude: I guess I could see myself going to some real hot actresses' usual spots.
Man: You mean like stalking?
20-something dude: Hah! This guy knows what I'm talking about.
Man: I'm a cop.
20-something dude: Oh. So you actually know what I'm talking about. Don't worry, officer, I only intend on stalking Natalie Portman.
Cop: You wanna go for a ride?
20-something dude: Like around in your car?
Cop: To the station.
20-something dude: I'll shut up.
Cop: Thatta boy.
–Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: InDCandMissingBK
Thug #1: Yo, let’s have sex!
Thug #2: Nah, bro, chill with that.
–Coney Island Ave & Beverley Rd, Brooklyn
Overheard by: djingo
White girl to subway clerk: I just swiped my card and it is saying “insignificant fare”.
Subway clerk, smiling: It is saying that?
White girl: Is “insignificant” even a word?
–Clark Street
Black girl: Girl, you tell a nigga you wanna give him pussy and it, like– He go outrageous!
Friend: Mmm-hm.
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: M-City
Old lady covered in baby powder: Give me six donuts.
Donuts clerk: Okay, which ones?
Old lady covered in baby powder: Six donuts.
Donuts clerk: These are all donuts… Which ones?
Old lady covered in baby powder: Six donuts.
Donuts clerk: Okay, I'll just give you a selection of six. (starts putting random donuts in bag)
Old lady covered in baby powder: Six donuts, don't trick me.
–Flatbush, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Save the Whales, Save the Whole Thing
Slutty girl: Yeah, we were both drunk and he hit the wrong hole. I've been shitting blood for two days.
–Citi Field Stadium
Gay guy: I mean… She made my dick bleed.
–St. Mark's
Overheard by: jax
Chick laughing hysterically on cell: I know! So much blood came out of his ears!
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Fresh Man
Black man on phone: This car was ripped in half, they had to cut this dude out with the jaws of life, he come out bleeding from his eye sockets and shit. (pause) So you wanna meet up later?
–Willoughby & Vanderbilt
Waitress: Can I get you folks something to drink?
Girl: Yeah, I’ll have a cranberry juice.
Grandpa: What’s wrong, you got a yeast infection or something?
–Park Slope
Overheard by: befuddled diner
Woman #1: They confiscated my fluorescent light because they said it was a fire hazard.
Woman #2: Oh yeah?
Woman #1: Yeah…They should have been there when I set my mother on fire.
–Target, Erskine St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Courtney C.
