Old lady covered in baby powder: Give me six donuts.
Donuts clerk: Okay, which ones?
Old lady covered in baby powder: Six donuts.
Donuts clerk: These are all donuts… Which ones?
Old lady covered in baby powder: Six donuts.
Donuts clerk: Okay, I'll just give you a selection of six. (starts putting random donuts in bag)
Old lady covered in baby powder: Six donuts, don't trick me.
–Flatbush, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Save the Whales, Save the Whole Thing
Slutty girl: Yeah, we were both drunk and he hit the wrong hole. I've been shitting blood for two days.
–Citi Field Stadium
Gay guy: I mean… She made my dick bleed.
–St. Mark's
Overheard by: jax
Chick laughing hysterically on cell: I know! So much blood came out of his ears!
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Fresh Man
Black man on phone: This car was ripped in half, they had to cut this dude out with the jaws of life, he come out bleeding from his eye sockets and shit. (pause) So you wanna meet up later?
–Willoughby & Vanderbilt
Waitress: Can I get you folks something to drink?
Girl: Yeah, I’ll have a cranberry juice.
Grandpa: What’s wrong, you got a yeast infection or something?
–Park Slope
Overheard by: befuddled diner
Woman #1: They confiscated my fluorescent light because they said it was a fire hazard.
Woman #2: Oh yeah?
Woman #1: Yeah…They should have been there when I set my mother on fire.
–Target, Erskine St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Courtney C.
Conductor, on loudspeaker: Please note, you heard it here first: I’m watching the Super Bowl only for the commercials. The Giants are going to be so far ahead of… the other team… it’ll be a boring game. We gonna whoop them by at least 15, 20 points. But the commercials are going to be great!
–A train
Overheard by: love this conductor!
Blind hobo to no one: You know why black basketball players are better than white ones? Because Jesus was black, so they’re like Jesus!
–1 train
Black teen girl, to three teen boys: Super Bowl! Super bowl?! What the hell does that mean, ‘a Super Bowl’? Didn’t you ever think about how stupid that is?!
–F train, 4th Ave
Overheard by: Theresa
Eight-year-old boy: You can’t have a Cowboys game without the cheerleaders. There go half the male ticket holders.
–Prospect Park, Brooklyn
Guy who is clearly not Eli Manning: What do I do? My name is Eli Manning, and I play for the New York Giants.
–Upper West Side
Guy randomly wipes out on the sidewalk, flat on his stomach with arms stretched out in front of him. Everyone stares.
Nearby cop: Safe!
–Outside Penn Station
Overheard by: Bananaphone
NYU guy to tourist friends: Well, here's Grand Central!
–Broadway & Waverly
Guy on Sidekick to another: I wasn't sure if he was talking about Buffalo or Baltimore! I mean, I don't even know where Buffalo is! Is it a state?
–1 Train
Overheard by: amalthya
Ditzy girl sobbing on cell: You don't understand! They told me I was supposed to go to Penn Station but I just don't know where that is!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: queenofscots
Guy on cell: I don't get it–why go all the way to Ireland if you're not going to go see Stonehenge?
–Costco, Brooklyn
Girlfriend to boyfriend: Is this Times Square?
–85th & 1st
Overheard by: Special K
Young woman, waiting to deposit paycheck: They is killin’ me in taxes! I got to get a baby.
–HSBC, Hanson Pl, Brooklyn
Overheard by: andrew
Guy: Oh, man! It is not a good day to be my underwear!
–Wine Store, 75th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Raven
10-year-old to little brother: Hey! C'mere! You wanna play Captain Underpants?
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: dogboy
Guy on cell: I'm not paying her to smell your underwear!
–57th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Lagsalot
Loud older gentleman watching people at subway entrance: They don't wear brassieres anymore!
–23rd St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Zombie Boyfriend
Older lady in funeral procession behind bag piper wearing kilt: I looked. He's wearing underpants.
–120th & Broadway
Man: I'm not going to have this conversation with you!
Woman: Why not?
Man: Because that's just setting myself up for an open-ended ass kicking.
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: Blueshmoo
Asian kid: Why did you decide to start driving now?
Middle-aged thug: I drive trucks. Now it’s just time to tell the government.
–DMV, Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn
