Drunk girl: Can you put my phone in your pocket?
Friend: But your pants have pockets!
Drunk girl: No, they don’t! That’s just a glitch in the matrix!
–2 train
Drunk girl: Can you put my phone in your pocket?
Friend: But your pants have pockets!
Drunk girl: No, they don’t! That’s just a glitch in the matrix!
–2 train
Angry woman on cell: How did you get this number? This is my personal cell phone number and I won’t be having these kinds of calls coming in under any circumstances! No! Absolutel– How high would the credit limit be if I activated this card? … No! I don’t take these kinds of calls!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Kory
Conductor: All passengers please have your tickets out, and for those passengers with cell phones, please remember to use your inner voice when using them.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Listening to my inner-voices
Loud black guy on cell: Yeah, man, I’ll be there later, yo. No doubt, son… Yeah, word, you heard what happen to– [Cell phone rings and everyone stares at him.]
–125th & Lenox
Overheard by: Hugh
Coworker: My phone’s lost all functionality. I mean, it still works, but…
–Office, Midtown
Overheard by: I am large, I contain multitudes
Kid wandering around on cell, suddenly covering phone with hand: I don’t even know who I’m talking to! [He goes back to talking on the phone.]
–Kmart, Astor Pl
Hobo: Look at you on your cell phone talking all about yo’ business. I don’t want to hear yo’ business. You keep that private shit to yo’self. All cell phones should be put on the moon.
–53rd & Lexington
Overheard by: Chelk
Suit on cell: I swear, I’m going to make her the sorriest crippled girl in New York.
–Avenue C
Hipster on iPhone: Hello? I’m sorry. I can’t hear you–I have an iPhone.
–6th & 27th
Hipster girl to out-of-town friend: Sorry about the smell, this area just recently gentrified.
–Orchard Street b/w Broome & Grand
Loud, drunk, British girl to boyfriend: We don’t know each other’s minds -we can’t read each other’s minds! So when you do something I don’t like and I tell you and then later you do something I don’t like and I tell you again… Well that’s two sorries in one day! And "sorry" is just a word, but you’re learning about me! About my mind.
–Broadway & Waverly
Overheard by: rpk
Woman on cell: Oh sorry, I have to go. Remember that woman that got pregnant by a bear? Yeah, I just ran into her.
–Astor Place
Dominican to friend: And just wait until I tell them all he’s Dominican… he’ll really be sorry then!
–5th Ave, near Empire State Building
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Chick #1: My mom just sent me a text message.
Chick #2: What’d she say?
Chick #1: "I love you." And I said, "Is this your first text message?" instead of saying "I love you" back. She said it was her first time! So I told her, "You’re no longer a virgin." My mom lost her text-message virginity to me!
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: tanechka
Black hobo: …a Palm Pilot. It’s like a super-powered cellphone. Damn, you’re a ignorant-ass know-nothing white trash motherfucker!
White hobo: Who you callin’ white?
–29th & Madison
Three JHS boys pass a woman in a tight t-shirt and mini-skirt talking on her cell. One stares slack-jawed, then says to his buddies: Wow! That was the new Motorola.
–79th Street between Columbus & Amsterdam
Guy: As soon as I get my unemployment check, I’m going to buy a new TV.
–Penn Station
Woman on cell: I lost my sunglasses and I have cancer.
–34th & Madison
Overheard by: Lisa
Boy, 8: Look Mom! I think Daddy likes the Hummer more than you.
–Astoria
Overheard by: Adam Kraemer
Guy on pay phone: I haven’t decided if I prefer the smell of fresh urine or stale urine. I’ll let you know.
–Hotel Edison, West 47th Street
Guy: I told you what my goal is: to be lazy. 20 years from now, I want to be lazy.
–St. Mark’s Place between 2nd & 3rd
Woman on phone: I am being nice, but I'm not going to describe to you in great detail what a bug looks like!
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: R&L
Man in zoot suit: When I talk, I don't want you bitches saying nothing! I only wanna hear the cockroaches fornicating on the walls!
–F Train
Overheard by: Reagan
Hipster: It was like watching a praying mantis have a seizure.
–16th & 8th
Wasted girl on sidewalk: No, I am so upset, I am so upset, I lost the back of my phone and there is a bug, a bug!
–11th & Broadway
Old lady: She looks pretty much like a roach.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Man on cell: Hello?…Yeah, I’m at the movies…Yeah, I know…I’m in the fucking theater!…I don’t care if she needs brain surgery, I’m at the movies!
–Loews 19th Street East
Black guy #1 listening to cell: Yo, no nigger should leave a weepy message like that. Nigger is soft.
Black guy #2: Stupid nigger.
–19th & 7th
Overheard by: CG
