The Joy Luck Wednesday One-Liners

20-something guy on cell: I'm sure she wants to castrate me. (pause) Remember her Asian friend, well… (pause) Yeah, I hit that. (pause, then uncontrollable laugh) I gots the yellow fever!

–59th St & 11th

Chinese brother to sister: All Asians get off at this stop. (looking out window) See? They're all Asian. (pause) Oh, wait, there's one English guy.

–Grand Street Stop, D Train

Overheard by: Justin W

Asian girl on cell: You know how people say all Asians look the same? Well, I realized something today. All white people look the same to me–I honestly can't tell them apart!

–Port Authority

20-something Asian girl on cell, in perfect American English: So, I just got welcomed to America for the second time today. Are my clothes that… (with disgust) Asian?

–Metro-North

Overheard by: RedShikari

Posted on March 12, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Brothers, Chinese, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Guys, Illness, Laughter, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Port Authority, Public Transportation, Questions, Race, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Trains Not Subway, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Flier: ‘Make Big Bucks as an Organ Grinder!’

Chinese man in rice hat passing out fliers, to man’s spaniel: Monkey, monkey, monkey.
Fat, bald owner to dog: Don’t talk to him.

–W Houston & Thompson

Overheard by: J&M

Posted on April 12, 2016
Chinese, Fat People, Flyer people, Man's Best Friend, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, The Village

Nazi Skinheads: ‘We Knew It!’

Chinese girl: I just think it would be a little weird.
Jewish girl: Why?
Chinese girl: ‘Cause I’m not Jewish.
Jewish girl: What are you talking about? You’re Chinese. That’s practically Jewish.
Chinese girl: …True.

–SoHo

Posted on October 26, 2015
Chinese, Compare/Contrast, Jews, Judaism, Race, Sex & Relationships, Soho

Have You Forgotten Fran Drescher?

Chinese coworker: Hey, you’re wearing makeup today!
Jewish coworker: Yeah, I had a little extra time this morning.
Chinese coworker: But I thought Jewish people couldn’t wear makeup?
Jewish coworker: Huh!?

–Office Building, 26th & 11th

Posted on July 26, 2015
Buildings, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Chinese, Coworkers, Default, Jews, Judaism, Makeup, Stupidity

One to Grow On: 1 in 5 People Get Busy at Night

Portuguese guy: …so where are you from?
Chinaman: From China. Did you know 1 out of every 5 people is Chinese? The Chinese are very quiet. But we are very busy…especially at night.

–6 train

Overheard by: heyhay

Posted on July 2, 2015
Chinese, Foreigners, On the Subway

We Could Always Put on Miniskirts, Go to Times Square, and Test My Theory

European girl: My mother is from Norway and my father is from Ireland.
Chinese girl: I’m purebred. If humans sold like puppies, I’d sell for way more than you.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Shelly Rutherford

Posted on June 13, 2015
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Chinese, Race

Especially One Who Owns Penn Station

Old Chinese lady: No luggage allowed. Leave it outside. This is my building! I own it!
(College kid, obviously from out of town, leaves in fear)
Old Chinese lady: Puta!
(college kid scurries away)
College kid on cell: Yeah, I did what they say on Law & Order. Never make eye contact with a New Yorker.

–Penn Station Entrance

Overheard by: kash

Posted on June 3, 2015
Advice, Chinese, Default, Frat Boys, Insults, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, Only in New York, Penn Station, TV, Weirdness, Women

The People's Republic of Wednesday One-Liners

Wasp woman, looking at Asian Peoples exhibit: Oh, honey, look, that woman looks just like that woman at that Chinese food place we like!

–Museum of Natrual History

Overheard by: Heather

Older man to Chinese friend: You know, Caucasians really can't tell the difference between the Asians and the Chinese.

–23rd St b/w 5th & 6th Ave

Overheard by: James

Burly bouncer to burnt-out groupie: Don't think of it as a finger, think of it as an Asian penis.

–11th & 3rd

Tourist on cell: I think I'm heading towards Little Italy, but all I see are Chinese people. I feel like fuckin' Marco Polo. Fuck man, where are you? (trips on curb and falls into pile of trash bags)

–Canal St

Giggling 20-something: So we hired a new intern, and she's Asian!

–Murray Hill

Overheard by: sab

Posted on May 27, 2015
Advice, Asians, Biotechs, Body Parts, Bouncers, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Chinatown, Chinese, Compare/Contrast, Ethnic Food, Friends, History & Geography, Insults, Laughter, Museum of Natural History, NYC Geography, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Physical appearance, Race, Street, Stupidity, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Is His Anatomy as Good as His Geography?

Chinese doctor: Where you from?
Nurse: Poland.
Chinese doctor: Good, you speak Czechlosvakian. I need to translate, this man is from Beirut.

–Elmhurst Hospital, Queens

Posted on May 12, 2015
Chinese, Doctors, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Stupidity

Parfait.

Man with cowboy hat: I think I'm gonna do the biscuit.
Chinese woman behind counter: Parfait?
Man with cowboy hat: Huh? Um, no. I'm gonna do the biscuit.
Chinese woman: Parfait.
Man with cowboy hat: No, thank you. (walks away)

–Deli, 53rd St

Overheard by: AdHoculi

Posted on April 27, 2015
Chinese, Customers, Delis, Food, Language Barrier, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen