Wednesday One-Liners Long to Be THOUGHT of As Ferocious

Guy walking to rehearsal: I mean, he's really cute in that way that makes you want to hit him with a desk.

–Steinhardt Building, NYU

Middle school girl (about poster for condoms): Ewwww, at least they could've put cute gay guys!

–Q train

Overheard by: Robert

Vapid high school chick: Oh my god, I just found out that he's actually dating a freshman. And not even one of the cute ones either…she's like, brown.

–Central Park

Obviously gay boy screaming into cell: Jeremy, why the fuck didn't you tell me the massage therapist you sent me to does erotic massage? All I wanted was a place to relax! (pause) Yeah, halfway through he started jacking me off! (pause) Seriously? He never did that to you? (pause) Don't be offended. You're cute. He just could probably tell I have a big dick and couldn't keep his hands off it.

–Broadway & 20th St

Dude to friends: Did I tell you guys about the girl that I hooked up with the other night? She totally looked like a beaver… (awkward silence) …but I mean a really cute beaver.

–Ace Bar, 5th St b/w Ave A & Ave B

Overheard by: Santa's Boy Toy

Girl on cell: Tim's cute, I just wish he didn't love Jesus so much.

–N Train

Posted on September 17, 2008
Beauty, Boys, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Hook Ups, Jesus, Masturbation, On Cell, Penis, Queer guys, Race, Teens, Tweens, Violence, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Which I Wear in a Full Windsor Knot

Black dude: Hey, I like your tie!
White kid: Thanks.
Black dude: Cause it's black, like my cock!

–21st St

Posted on September 16, 2008
Black People, Clothing, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Guys, Kids, Manhattan, Race, White People

Matching Sets Are All the Rage This Season

Ten-year old girl: Can I have another baby?
Mom: Um… No…maybe two.

–W 238th & Broadway

Overheard by: Krisztina, hoping to God they're talking about dolls

Posted on September 16, 2008
Babies, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Questions, The Bronx

We Hope You Never Do

Teen girl #1: We have to go to 90th and Broadway.
Teen girl #2: So, that's only 30 blocks away.
Teen girl #1: No, it's 60 blocks.
Teen girl #2: Oh yeah, I was multiplying.

–LIRR

Posted on September 16, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Directions, Girls, NYC Geography, On the Subway, Stupidity, Teens

'He Sounds Oxycontinental', They Said

Actor: So that's how I screwed up my callback for Jersey Boys–I was on OxyContin.
Friend: Oh my god, that's like legal heroin!
Actor: I know, so I was all fucked up, but I didn't want to say anything. They probably wrote down “reads well, but sings with a very strange accent.”

–A Train

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Posted on September 15, 2008
Actors, Compare/Contrast, Default, Drugs, Friends, On the Subway, Singing, Theater & Dance

Are You Calling Me Gay?

African American man: Seeing someone get laid out on the street is a real New York City stereotype. Like if you flew to Texas and you got picked up by a cowboy on a horse.
African American woman: More like if the plane was a pickup truck and you get dragged behind it.

–Q74 Bus

Posted on September 14, 2008
Black People, Compare/Contrast, Default, Men, On the Bus, Only in New York, Queens, Sex, U.S. Geography, Weirdness, Women

Waitress: Stupid Gringas

Hipster girl #1 to waitress at Japanese restaurant: Hola. Como estas?
Hipster girl #2: Um, I don't think they speak Spanish.
Hipster girl #1: Well, they sure as hell don't speak English either.

–Zen, St. Mark's & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: amf

Posted on September 13, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Hipsters, Language Barrier, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Union Square and East Village

Only Under the Table, Though

Fabulous diner ordering coffee: …with half and half.
Waiter: We're a dairy free restaurant, but we have organic whole milk.

–Josie's, 74th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Where's a dictionary?

Posted on September 12, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Customers, Default, Food, Offers and requests, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Waiters, Words

Unfortunately, I Hollowed It Out to Fit My Flask

Guy #1: The new Harry Potter is coming out this summer; you should read the book with me before the movie is released.
Guy #2: If I wanted to read a book filled with stories of sorcery, I'd read the bible.
Guy #1: (mouth drops open)

–Artapasta, Soho

Posted on September 11, 2008
Advice, Books & Writing, Compare/Contrast, Default, Guys, Movies, Religion, Restaurants & Cafes, Soho

She Said, as She Adjusted Her Burka.

(talking about man with tattoos covering his arms)
Woman #1: Wow, can you believe that?
Woman #2: I know! I could never do that to my body.
Woman #1: Yeah! I mean, all my tattoos are in places you can't see.

–G Train

Overheard by: EFO

Headline by: tatoo-less

Runners-Up:
· “But My Colonoscopist Says They’re Lovely!” – Fred
· “For Only My Baby to Appreciate.” – KJM
· “Inside My Fat Rolls.” – Mike
· “Inside the Cover Of the Howard the Duck Collectors Edition DVD.” – KJM
· “That Gerbil Is the Most Talented Tattoo Artist I Know” – Treize

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on September 11, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Headline Contest Winners, On the Subway, Private Parts, Questions, Tattoos, Women

Compare/Contrast