Windbreaker guy: So, we go to dinner, and she tells me I’m boring, that we never do anything different.
Tweed blazer guy: So, what are you going to do?
Windbreaker guy: Next time we have sex I’m going to pull out and ejaculate on her feet.
–79th & Broadway
Queer #1: Why are only the uptown trains coming?
Queer #2: Maybe the uptown tunnels are really tight.
–W 4th station
Man on cell: So, what have you been up to, besides running a sperm bank?
–Chinatown bus
Yuppie: So he shot some sperm in my mouth, and I ate it.
–3rd Ave
Overheard by: renata
Woman on cell: I know! And the only thing insurance doesn’t cover is the sperm!
–20th & 5th
Overheard by: I want to get on her plan
Queer: He got sweat in my eyes, cum in my nose, and shit on my dick.
–1 train
Man on cell: It looked like he was covered in jizz. Giant jizz. Like giant, Paul Bunyan-jizz.
–5th Ave
NYU chick: So then I realized that I had cum on my breath! And what would he think of that?
–Waverly & Broadway
Freshman: So what if you occasionally jizz in your pants?
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Rachel Hoban
Dude: I know she’s your girlfriend, John, but I’d come all over her.
Bartender chick: Wow, that was kind of… graphic.
–The Slaughtered Lamb, Jones & West 4th
Overheard by: Tarkus
Woman on cell: When you assume, you make an ass of yourself.
–4th Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Mark
Hipster: Yo, what’s up with Filene’s Basement? That shit’s on the top floor!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Tourist: Is that the Enron building?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Robyn
Tourist to security guard: Are these all originals?
–Impressionist Gallery, the Met
Overheard by: j-diddy
Female tourist: I could never live in Central America because I’d miss the ocean.
–Restaurant bathroom, Little Italy
Overheard by: Olia
Girl looking at subway map: What about that thing, that star–“You are here”? They don’t have that?
–(Moving) uptown 1 train, 59th St
Overheard by: Jo
White hipster girl: Is black semen black?
–86th & Park
Teenage girl #1: Well, did you know he was going to come all over your chest, or was that a suprise?
Teenage girl #2: I don’t think he even realized he was doing it.
Teenage girl #1: Oh…I think I see some of it in your hair.
–Crosstown bus, 79th St
Overheard by: very interested
Guy #1: Is it disgusting that I think pregnant women are sexy?
Guy #2: Not necessarily.
Guy #1: Like that woman there. That round belly makes me want to come all over her face.
Guy #2: Okay, that is disgusting.
–Trader Joe’s, 14th St
Overheard by: Also Disgusted
Girl #1: So he was at my house and we were like, fooling around on my bed, and I was lying on top of him, but then I made him get up.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: Because if he got turned on, got hard, came, his zipper fell down a little and some come got on my pants and while I was taking off my pants it brushed my underwear and then went inside me, I could totally get pregnant.
Girl #2: Oh, right.
–84th & 2nd
Overheard by: Samantha Thomas
Chick #1: You know why guys don’t like mushrooms?
Chick #2: Who said guys don’t like mushrooms?
Chick #1: Because they taste like cum!
–N train
Girl #1: Ew…what’s this spot on my pants?
Girl #2: Sperm?
Girl #1: God, I wish!
–Washington Square South
