Son: Ya know, every time I go to a family reunion I discover a new family member I didn’t know existed.
Dad: Such as?
Son: Did you know about Grandma?
–4 train
Son: Ya know, every time I go to a family reunion I discover a new family member I didn’t know existed.
Dad: Such as?
Son: Did you know about Grandma?
–4 train
Dad: How about Akeelah and the Bee?
Teen daughter: Ehhh…
Dad: What, had enough of black girls?
Teen daughter: Dad!
–Reel Life South, Park Slope
Woman to another: She had one baby at her breast and another baby sitting next to her, trying to sell chicklets.
–10 Rockefeller Plaza
Overheard by: Jarrod
Young man to young woman: Sell it on the black market or give it up for adoption. That's basically your only two options.
–Grand St, Chinatown
Overheard by: Mike Posillico
Crazy woman to entire bus: My husband be given my money to all those hoes. That's why I gotta sell coffee. But at least I'm not sellin' my ass… (gets distracted by radio) Oh, this is a nice song.
–Bx15 Bus
Overheard by: Karly
Father of four, attempting herd jumping children on street: Okay, the next child that doesn't listen to me will be sold!
–34th & 3rd
Overheard by: Dahouhou
Midwestern lady tourist to husband: Huh, Virgin. I wonder what they sell there.
–14th St, across Doomed Megastore
Overheard by: Not buyin what they're sellin
Dad, to group of six-year-olds: What do you guys want to play today?
Boy: Crab salad!
Dad, confused: How in the world do you “play” crab salad?
Boy: We cover ourselves with mayonnaise and then run around and pinch each other!
–Central Park Playground
Overheard by: Mark
Little girl: Stop the train! Stop the train!
Train stops.
Little girl: Why did the train stop?
Dad: Because you were talking too loud.
–Uptown R train
Overheard by: Rachel
Father-to-be: So my wife won't give me head no more.
Friend: Why? Just cuz she's pregnant?
Father-to-be: Yeah. She keeps saying anything she eats the baby eats, and she don't want it eating my jizz.
–N Train
Overheard by: bill
Friend: Where's that pizza from?
Stroller dad: Tony's*.
Friend: Oh, Tony's*.
Stroller dad: Yeah. We named our rabbit Tony*.
Friend: Because it poops all the time?
Stroller dad: Yeah.
–Bar, Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn
Man to friend: I don't know what made him think he could outrun an alligator!
–Sheridan Square
Overheard by: Lory
Father to young son: Holy shit, Joey, look at the turtles! They're stackin' and rackin' 'em!
–Central Park Zoo
Mom to kid, pointing to seal exhibit: Look! Otters!
–Central Park Zoo
Overheard by: Rebecca
Young man, joyfully throwing his arms in the air: Then all of the lemmings go off of the cliff!
–The Village
Overheard by: Aaron
Dad: I won't tell mommy about the donut you're eating if you don't tell mommy about the cigarette I'm about to smoke.
Daughter: Okay.
–Coffee Shop, Park Slope
Boy: Hey Dad, you wanna hear what I learned today? “My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas”, and every word tells you the name of a planet! Wanna try it? OK, I’ll say the word, and you tell me which planet it means. Ready? My…
Father: Mars.
Boy: Right. Very…
Father: Venus.
Boy: Uh huh. Educated…
Father: Uh…Earth?
Boy: Yep. Mother…
Father: The Moon.
Boy: Yep.
–7 train
Overheard by: Mikey
Boy on cell: We took the bus to 9th Avenue and I saw a guy lying there with only one shoe on. My dad said that’s what happens when you don’t go to school.
–42nd & 9th
Overheard by: Dr. Ballon
