The Girls Learn How Important It Is to Be Cute

Man: That’s a very cute dog!
Girl #1: Yes, she is. My dad got her at a pet store. He was going to get a dog at the shelter, but he didn’t want to.
Girl #2: Yeah, so the dog he would have gotten at the shelter died, because it was a kill shelter.
Dad: Um, I’m not really taking full responsibility for that.
Girl #1: The dog was killed. Just because you didn’t want it.
Girl #2: Yeah, dad.
Dad: Really. I think this is less than 5% my fault. Look, this where we get off.
Man: Have a good night! Sleep well.

–Elevator, 82nd & 3rd

Overheard by: emily

Posted on July 26, 2008
Compliments, Dads, Death, Default, Elevators, Girls, Men, Upper East Side, We Love Our Pets

Drink Deep, or Taste Not the Wednesday One-Liners!

Fabulous woman: That’s all vodka under the bridge.

–55 Bar

Overheard by: Girl Margaret

Huge man to small child trying to participate in conversation: No, son, we’re not talking about your school–we’re talking about Bam! You trying to get all up in the Kool-Aid, but you don’t even know the flavor.

–C Train

Drunk girl, accidentally taking swig of vodka instead of water: This wetness is spicy!

–Bergen St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Gnomies

Skinny teen: I wish they made diet water.

–Times Square

JAP: I’d like a Pellegrino.

–Hooters

Middle-aged suit yelling into cell: No- I want to see you drink the bong water!

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Me Too…

Posted on July 23, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Drunks, Girls, JAPs, On Cell, On the Subway, Port Authority, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Skinny People, Suits, Teens, Times Square, West Village, Women

…For Taking Pictures Of My Bed and Posting Them on the Internet.

Dad: So what’s that thing you want for your birthday again?
Little boy: A Wii.
Dad: Wii? As in wee-wee? Gross!
Little boy: You’re immature.
Dad: You wet the bed.
Little boy: You’re immature.

–1 Train

Posted on July 20, 2008
Age/Aging, Boys, Dads, Default, Gifts, Kids, On the Subway, Pee, Questions, Video Games, Wishes & desires, Words

Other than a pig, of course

Pudgy tourist mom to sulking pudgy son: You’re not getting it, you’re not getting it!
Pudgy tourist dad to sulking pudgy son: We’re going to a nice restaurant, you are not gonna be an animal!

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: wants to know what the kid wanted

Posted on July 19, 2008
Animals & Nature, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Dads, Default, Fears, Food, Kids, Moms, Rockefeller Center, Tourists

Don’t Do It in Front of Witnesses

Little boy to dad (pointing at subway): Daddy, is that a big trash can?
Daddy: No.
Little boy: I’m going to throw trash in it.

–6 Train

Overheard by: reL

Posted on July 17, 2008
Boys, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Default, Kids, Questions

And That Kind Of Fucked-Up I’m Reluctant to Discuss

Little boy looking at photos being sold on street: Why do they call it Gay Street?
Dad: They got all kinds of fucked up names for streets in this city.

–Times Square

Overheard by: R

Posted on July 15, 2008
Boys, Dads, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Kids, Names, NYC Geography, Questions, Times Square, Words

Please Accept My Apologies on Behalf of the Galactic Council

(guy gets up as train starts to move and begins rambling crazily)
Tourist girl: Stop it! You’re scaring me! (to parents) make him stop! (to him) Stop it! (to mom) I want to get off this train!
Tourist dad: Excuse me, you’re scaring my daughter.
Crazy guy: Am I scaring her?

–3 Train

Overheard by: Glad I only went one stop

Posted on July 13, 2008
Crazies, Crazy, Dads, Default, Fears, Girls, Guys, Kids, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Tourists

And a Hero to Generations of Date Rapists

Father, to daughter with Disney princess backpack: And who kisses sleeping beauty?
Daughter: The prince.
Father: He was a pretty lucky guy then, right?

–New Wave Diner, 79th & Broadway

Overheard by: EthanK

Posted on July 8, 2008
Dads, Default, Disney, Girls, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Kids, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Mommy and Our Piano Tuner, to Use a Hypothetical Example

Father to little daughter: You are the most beautiful girl in this photo… and I’m not biased.
(daughter smiles)
Father: Do you know what “biased” means?
Daughter (rolling her eyes): Yes, it means that you like both boys and girls.

–F Train

Posted on July 3, 2008
Compliments, Dads, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Kids, On the Subway, Pictures, Sexuality, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Take the Sex and the City Tour

Tourist to doorman, in thick German accent: Excuse me, can you point me to the nearest Hooters?

–53rd St

Overheard by: jillcorp

Tourist taking a picture of her uncooperative teenage daughter: Shut up and pose, or I’m going to pee right on this yard.

–Central Park

Tourist about to take picture with lens cap on: Oh, shoot! Hold on, I have to take the lens cap off or else the picture is going to be really dark!

–Grand Central Terminal

Tourist girl: I don’t get it, there’s so many suits here, I thought Union Square would be full of hippies.

–City Hall Park

Tourist on cell: So far, I’ve experienced coldness and evil.

–57th & 8th

Overheard by: Lag

Posted on July 2, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Fears, Foreigners, Girls, Grand Central, Lower Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYC Geography, Offers and requests, On Cell, Parents, Pee, Pictures, Restaurants & Cafes, Sexuality, Stupidity, Threats, Tourism, Tourists

Dads