Mommy: … But we’re going to have to do something about it, sweetie.
Six-year-old girl, arms crossed, looking away: I don’t want to talk about it anymore, Mommy.
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Stephanie
Mommy: … But we’re going to have to do something about it, sweetie.
Six-year-old girl, arms crossed, looking away: I don’t want to talk about it anymore, Mommy.
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Stephanie
Big mama: It ain’t even his fault. His mama didn’t teach him nothin’.
Son: Mmm-hm.
Big mama: Wait ’til the IRS comes for you!
Son: Chill!
Big mama: You know they comin’!
–Q76 bus
Overheard by: queens is underappreciated
Blonde #1: I met Kelly in Portland.
Blonde #2: Which Portland?
Blonde #1: What are you talking about?
Blonde #2: Well there are two: one on the east coast, one on the west coast.
(long silence)
Blonde #1: You know, it’s not funny to lie all the time like that.
–Houston St
HS teacher with PhD, looking in stereo microscope at spores: Oh no, you won’t be able to see the hermaphrodites fully, they’re not sexually mature yet. [Dances around.]Student: Umm… Okay.
HS teacher with PhD, clapping hands: What you’ve got there is some sexually frustrated spores [keeps dancing, moves to next station, fiddles around with knobs] Ooh, ooh, your spores haven’t come yet, but they’ll look like mittens when they do.
[Student bursts into muffled laughing.]HS teacher with PhD: I know, aren’t spores fascinating? Are you laughing at my dancing?… Because biology just gets me so excited!
–Notre Dame Academy H.S., Staten Island
Kid to friends: I swear I know that dude. [To dude.] Hey, you’re the weather man!
Anderson Cooper, offended: No!
–1 Train
Overheard by: bite my lip
Girl #1: So I'm hooking up with two guys named Nick…bad idea.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: Well I gave Nick #2 my number and I got a text from someone who I thought was Nick #2. Turns out it was Nick #1 all along.
Girl #2: What happened?
Girl #1: So I went to Nick #2's house, assuming it was him from the text. I got there, and it's two girls sitting in the bed, Nick's friend and Nick, all in pajamas. Nick #2 pulls me aside, asks what I'm doing there, and I showed him the texts. It wasn't him, it was Nick #1, from his friends phone.
Girl #2: Looks like you're back to just one Nick now!
–Metro North, Stanford Line
Overheard by: Girl 3
Train conductor: This is Atlantic Avenue. If you don't want to be left in the city get off now, if you are going to the city, buckle up… wooo hoooo!
Ghetto woman: This nigga lost his mind.
Ghetto child: Just like daddy?
Suit: Fucking morons! (walks off train)
–Q Train
Overheard by: Got Off On Atlantic
Girl #1 to friend: You're definitely my number one.
Girl #2: Uh yeah, you're in my top five.
–49th St & 5th Ave
Girl #1: Do you think I'm a loser?
Girl #2: What? No. Why?
Girl #1: I haven't gotten laid in like five months.
Girl #2: There's a guy traveling cross country to fuck you! I don't have that.
Girl #1: You got fucked by a porn star! More than once! And she wants to do it again!
Girl #2: We'll it's not like she's flying cross country just for that.
Girl #1: Have you asked her? She might.
Girl #2: Yeah right, I can't even get my girlfriend to come in from Jersey.
Girl #1: (pause) Ewww. Who wants to be in Jersey.
–Elephant & Castle, West Village
Mother: So remember, when we get off the train, you have to hold my hand.
Five-year-old girl: Capeesh.
Mother: Do you understand? You have to hold my hand.
Five-year-old girl: Capeesh, mom! Capeesh!
–A Train
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
