Thug #1, after passing loud gay couple, a gay man in shorts, and two men kissing: Yo, seriously, where the fuck are we at?
Black queer, flipping up sunglasses at night: Bitch, you in Chelseaaaaa!
Thug #2: Taxi!
–22nd & 7th
Overheard by: frank white
Thug #1, after passing loud gay couple, a gay man in shorts, and two men kissing: Yo, seriously, where the fuck are we at?
Black queer, flipping up sunglasses at night: Bitch, you in Chelseaaaaa!
Thug #2: Taxi!
–22nd & 7th
Overheard by: frank white
Woman on cell inside bus: Yeah, I'm in Kissinger Boulevard.
Bus driver: It's Kissena, hon.
Woman: I ain't talkin to you! (pause) Anyway, sorry… Kissinger. Yeah.
–Q25 Bus, Flushing
Blonde: There were three of them; they were twins.
–Lunasa Bar, East Village
Guy on cell: You thought you had the right information, but you didn't have your dots crossed.
–B46 Bus
Overheard by: Brooklynluva
Latino girl in park: Don't read it, bitch, just put it on. It's good, it's sunblock. It protects you from the UVs and huh… The HIV positives, or whatever.
–125th St & Riverside
Overheard by: nearby park bather
Middle-aged guy: It took me forever to find this building; it was confusing because all the numbers were written with letters.
–One (oops, "1") E 53rd Street
MTA announcer: Ladies and gentleman, the next Brooklyn-bound L train will depart in approximately five minutes. The following Brooklyn-bound L train will depart in approximately fifteen minutes
MTA worker: Fifteen minutes my ass!
–L Train Station
Conductor, as train finally leaves the station after long delay: Listen people, do not hold the doors open! I'm going to send y'all to your room!
–2 Train
Train conductor: Please stand clear of the closing doors. Attention everyone, the doors are stuck and will not be closing anytime soon. Please stand clear of the closing doors.
–G Train
Overheard by: Sunny
Conductor: Sir, please remove your head from the closing doors!
–Downtown B Train
Train conductor: Please do not hold the train doors open. I will stop this train and make everyone get off if you keep holding the doors. Then the other passengers will be very mad at you. If you really want to hold the doors open, get a job with the MTA, and then you can hold them open until the cows come home.
–E Train
Overheard by: Ally
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, please wait for the doors to completely close before leaning on them. Please do not lean on the doors.
–N Train
Overheard by: erkala
Conductor: This is the 7 train. Get ready to jump off. Easy on, easy off. No one's been holding any doors. Good job, people!
–7 Train
Overheard by: Jeff L.
Tourist girls: Where is Soho?
Ice cream stand guy: This is Soho.
Tourist girls: No, where is Soho?
–Broome & Wooster
Mother to young son: So we will get off at Port Authority.
Son: What's that?
Mother: A place with very busy people.
–42nd & 9th
Overheard by: Raj S
Bus driver: This bus is at capacity, so do me a favor: Move I-N, not O-U-T, and that's what she said.
–M14D Bus
Overheard by: The Average Commuter
Bus driver: Next stop is Malcolm X… No, it's not. What's his cousin's name? Oh yeah. Next stop is Frederick Douglas Boulevard.
–M60 Bus
Overheard by: polaco
Bus driver: When exiting the bus please take all of your trash with you. If you leave it on the bus you are a horrible person.
–34th St Bus
Bus driver, singing at every stop: Fifty niiiinnnth and Central Park Souuuuuthhhh. Ladies and gentlemeeeeennnn, have a wonderful daaaaayyyyyy!
–M4 Bus
Female bus driver: Everyone, squeeze in, I won't move this bus until ya'll are behind the line. Move back! Move! Squeeze! Remember to say "excuse me"! Move back! I will pull this bus over, ladies and gentlemen, move behind the line! (everyone shuffles a few inches back) It's a miracle! Thank you, Lord!
–BX12 Bus
Overheard by: Erica S
Conductor over PA: Attention passengers, ladies and gentlemen, this is the train to… Um… Where the hell are we going? Train to somewhere. Let's go somewhere!
–LIRR, Penn Station
Overheard by: Rob T Firefly
NJ transit conductor: If you are getting off at Linden, you need to be in the front two cars. If you are wearing your headphones, I don't want to hear you complain later. (five minutes later) If you are getting off at Linden, you need to be in the first two cars. If you are confused about where the front of the train is, it's the way we are facing and the way the train is moving. Just turn the same way the train is moving and walk up to the front two cars.
–Penn Station
Conductor: This is a downtown 1 train. Sorry, an uptown 1 train. The next stop is 110th. Actually, the next stop is 103rd. Stand clear of the closing doors.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Samantha
Conductor: Next stop is Wall Street. Wall Street, where they compromise everything.
–Downtown 2 Train
Overheard by: Ellen
Angry conductor: We apologize for the delay in service while the police inspected the train. Contrary to popular belief, there are no dead people on this train.
–Downtown N Train
Overheard by: Dead Men Can't Talk
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are stopped because of… Because of… Fuck! I don't know.
–6 Train
NYU girl: It's a box, though… Can you FedEx a box?
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Elena
Tourist: So… Are we like, underground now?
–NRW Train
Overheard by: Stacey
Mom in toy store: Do you guys have any organic play-doh?
–7th Ave & Garfield, Park Slope
Overheard by: persiangroove
Teen tourist bimbo, looking at Rockefeller Center Christmas tree Swarovski tree topper: So, can we buy it?
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Kaitlen
20-something girl: Wait, so what's a blog?
–55th & 6th
Thug on bus on cell: Yeah, I just got on the bus. How will I know when it's the third stop?
(goes on to get off on the second stop)
–Roosevelt Island
