Drinks

Wednesday Doing-Liners

Socialite-in-training: So all I had in this stupid bar in Las Vegas is a vodka tonic and a whiff of cocaine and before I know it I’m making out with a guy that I distinctly remember saying "I don’t like you" to. Yeah… That happened a lot this summer…

–116th & Broadway

Yuppie: I’m in fucking Penn station, I don’t know if it’s fucking snowing outside. I hope six falls up my nose tonight.

–Penn Station

Student on cell: I mean, I could say there are people going into finance doing lines of coke on a Monday night and here I am, doing work.

–114th b/w Broadway & Amsterdam

Kid, walking out of middle school: Man, I could really use some cocaine!

–East Village

Model to friend about styling team: Yo, before I knew they were from California, I thought they were on coke…

–Crwon Heights

Overheard by: Cuttie

Yuppie to friend: No, seriously. He’s not a jerk at all. He’s a cokehead. You’ll love him.

–Essex & Rivington

They Can Go on Like This for Hours

Four-year-old daughter to father: Will you buy me a beer?
Father: I don’t know. Will you buy me a beer?

–82nd & Amsterdam

Frames of Reference Were Always a Bit Different in the Lohan Family

Eight-year-old-girl: What is aged cheese?
Dad: You age cheese to make it better.
Eight-year-old-girl: You do?
Dad: Like whiskey.
Eight-year-old-girl: Ahhhh, I see.

–Starbucks, 9th & 2nd

Tragically, She’s Not Alone

Loud lady #1: What you gonna name yo baby when she pop out?
Loud lady #2: Merlot.
Loud lady #1: What?!
Loud lady #2: Merlot.
Loud lady #1: Marlin?
Loud lady #2: Merlot. Its a fine wine, dummy. The reason she be comin’ in to dis world.

–1 Train

Overheard by: TylerDavis

Juan Valdez: Look, I’m Only Like 5’10”, but I’ll Bring the Mule.

Male Customer: I’ll take a tall Colombian.
Male Barista: Does he have to be cute?

–Starbucks, Park Row

Overheard by: Tickled Pink

Now Turn Around Again

Girl: God, there’s nowhere in the Lower East Side to order wine!
Guy passerby: Turn around.
Girl: No, I mean, like, in a bar.

–Outside ‘inoteca Wine Bar, 98 Rivington

If I Had Some Food, I Could Soak This Right Up

Hobo: Hello, ladies and gentlemen — I am hungry. I do not do drugs or drink. I am just in need of some money for food, and–
Woman, sitting down: –Excuse me, your bag is leaking on us!
Hobo, removing burst 40: Oh, fuck!

–F train

When You Haven’t Had Any in Over Four Hours

Mother: Honey, we’re going to leave if you don’t stop. You already had hot chocolate and a scone.
Toddler: But Mommy, I want another hot chocolate!
Mother, gently sipping her own coffee: Honey, you’re acting like you’re on baby crack.

–Espresso 77, Jackson Heights

That’ll Be $75

Freshman: Hi… I’ll get, uh… um… a Screwdriver and, um, a Corona, and with a lime.
Bartender: Generally, when you order a Corona it comes with a lime.
Freshman: Where I’m from, you don’t get a lime unless you ask for it.
Bartender: Where are you from?
Freshman: Westchester.

–Bar near NYU

Isn’t That Why We Have Two Kids?

Six-year-old girl, grabbing a Bud Light: Daddy, can I get this?
Four-year-old sister: Yeah, can I have one too, Daddy?
Dad: Not right now, but if you two are good, I’ll get you a keg later.
Mom: I’d be down for that.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Jas

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