Cuisine expert #1: That sake shit is clear.
Cuisine expert #2: Word.
–151 & Amsterdam
Cuisine expert #1: That sake shit is clear.
Cuisine expert #2: Word.
–151 & Amsterdam
Frat boy: That is the last time I am *ever* jacking off to gay porn.
–Gristedes, 42nd St
Overheard by: …while sober or drunk?
Frat boy to another frat boy staring intently at a young woman dressed as a Hogwarts student: I am really drunk!
–14th St & University Place
Midwest frat dude: The ugliest girls in New York City are like the hottest girls I've ever seen!
–St.Marks & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: slohmie
Frat boy: Dude, I'm not hating -I love gay guys. All I'm saying is -they buy a lot of Kosher wine.
–23rd St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Dina
Frat boy: We've had sex everywhere… In cars, in public places…I've seen her vagina more times than I've seen my mother's!
–Wagner College
(Irish service elevator operator is showing new guy the ropes, delivery Thug walks in)
Operator, with Irish brogue: What’s up?
Thug: 11 C, man. (thug looks at the new guy)
Thug: You new man? Yo, I gotta ask you a question, do you drink beer?
New guy: Yup.
Thug: You drink Guinness?
New guy: Yeah, sometimes.
Thug: Alright, I gotta know, is the Guinness here different from the Guinness back home?
New guy: I am a Long Island Jew.
Thug: Shit, for real? I thought everybody who worked here was from Ireland.
(thug gets off the elevator to make delivery)
Operator: You should’ve asked him if it’s different buying food in a supermarket instead of having to chase and kill it with a spear.
–E 77th St
(two guys coming out of the bar bathroom)
Guy #1: I’m taking another shot.
Guy #2: What have you got to lose? Pride? Fuck pride.
Guy #1: You’re right man.
–Bar, 35th & 3rd
Fabulous woman: That’s all vodka under the bridge.
–55 Bar
Overheard by: Girl Margaret
Huge man to small child trying to participate in conversation: No, son, we’re not talking about your school–we’re talking about Bam! You trying to get all up in the Kool-Aid, but you don’t even know the flavor.
–C Train
Drunk girl, accidentally taking swig of vodka instead of water: This wetness is spicy!
–Bergen St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Gnomies
Skinny teen: I wish they made diet water.
–Times Square
JAP: I’d like a Pellegrino.
–Hooters
Middle-aged suit yelling into cell: No- I want to see you drink the bong water!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Me Too…
Amazed thugette: You know you ain’t in the hood, ’cause it says "Wine & Spirits!"
–12th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Toto
Box office employee: I bought this really awesome bottle of wine and I was like: "Oh, I’m going to make really amazing pasta with vegetables and bullets in it and glass and blood and it’ll be fantastic." But then I didn’t.
–Pearl Theatre
Overheard by: Mariah
Middle aged white guy: Yeah, you can get cheap wine in Harlem, but who wants to get a massage there?
–Thai Restaurant
Belligerent toddler to mom making purchase: That’s not enough wine, mom! That’s not enough wiiiine!
–International Wine & Spirits, 113th & Broadway
Overheard by: McF
Hipster to his date: It’s like in the old DC Comics. Superman, you know, his weakness was Kryptonite, but there wasn’t just green Kryptonite. In the old DC Comics there was green, red, blue Kryptonite, all colors of the rainbow. Green Kryptonite killed him, but with the others, like, blue Kryptonite transferred his powers to someone else or something like that. Red turned him evil. All these different colors of Kryptonite had different properties. And that’s how wine is with me. Every glass of wine, I don’t know what I’m going to get… That analogy was not so great.
–Hope & Anchor Diner, Red Hook
Overheard by: AeC
Old man: I drink three Cokes a day!
Lady: Three Cokes! You’re in bad shape!
Old man: *I’m* in bad shape? I am 90 years old!
Lady: But Coke is bad for you! It’s full of chemicals that will mess up your biology!
Old man: Are you a biologist?
Lady: (after a long pause) Yes.
Old man: Okay then. Bye.
–23rd St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Bemused
Woman: You know, the only shots Beth* will take are jello shots. She loves them!
Friend: Oh, that’s hilarious.
Woman: I know, I mean she’s 93 years old and still hopping. She loves the high-def television.
–B.L.T Prime, E. 22nd St
Overheard by: cracking up by the coat check
Chick: My theology professor is sooooo in tune with everything.
Dude: Well, duh, he probably drinks holy water and shit.
–Washington Square Park
