They Can Help You in Richmond

Dude #1: Yo, what’s up?
Dude #2: I know what’s going up.
Dude #1: The price of stamps?
Dude #2: This elevator don’t go down till the passengers get off. A samurai won’t sheath their sword without the taste of blood…Fool, my penis! Damn, you just broke the elevator. Way to go, homo.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Gary Wattson

Posted on March 16, 2006
Anger Management, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Elevators, Money & Class, Park Slope, Stupidity

Wednesday One-liners Sport Beef Curtains

Guy: That’s why people like me: for my vagina-cleansing properties.

–Times Square station

Overheard by: Thiess

Posted on March 15, 2006
Body Parts, Brooklyn, Eating Out, Elevators, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kink, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, One-liners, Queers, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Suits, Times Square, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

The Mona Lisa Just Burst Out Laughing

Guy: Hey, you seen that movie Grizzly Man yet?
Girl: No, but I really really want to.
Guy: Yeah, it’s so good. Hey, you know they’re making a movie about the bear guy? Already! And guess who’s starring in it!
Girl: I dunno…
Guy: Leonardo da Vinci!
Girl: Who?
Guy: You know! Leonardo da Vinci! Leonardo da Vinci!

–New School elevator, 13th & 5th

Overheard by: Halli Civelek

Posted on February 25, 2006
College, Elevators, Manhattan, Movies, Pop Culture, Stupidity, The Village

Wednesday One-liners for Fuck Machines

Old lady: No, Henry, trust me. You were never a fuck machine, and I certainly did know how to fake it.

–113th & Broadway

Overheard by: Marc Mitchell

Posted on February 22, 2006
Brooklyn, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Elevators, Food, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kink, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Pick-up Lines, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Suits, Teens, The Village, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, White People

Wednesday One-liners City Scenes

Man: When I told her I worked for the State of New York she seemed to
lose interest.

–F train

Posted on February 22, 2006
Arts & Letters, Black People, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, College, Crazies, Elevators, Fashion, Food, Fordham, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Port Authority, Stupidity, The Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Can Someone Translate Into Brooklyn?

Teen girl: I would like to. Notwithstanding, I–
Old lady: Never say “notwithstanding” in New York. Too long a word for here.
Teen girl: Why the heck…?
Old lady: Notwithstanding and two financial empires have already
collapsed! Where are you from, by the way?
Teen girl: Missoula, Montana.
Old lady: You’re making my point, darling!…So, Redford says “notwithstanding”? No kidding?
Teen girl: Robert lives in Utah.

–Trump Tower elevator, 56th & 5th

Overheard by: Bertrand Latour

Posted on February 17, 2006
About Celebrities, Advice, Elevators, Manhattan, Old People, Pop Culture, Stupidity, Teens, Words

She Got Her Lobotomy Playing Operation

“Actress” #1: I have tennis elbow.
“Actress” #2: You do?
“Actress” #1: …Well, I don’t know what tennis elbow is.

–Elevator, 37th & 8th

Posted on December 27, 2005
Bimbettes, Elevators, Fitness, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen

“…but then, setting us on fire is really rude.”

Girl #1: So how was France?
Girl #2: Pretty good, although we didn’t go out much. We only went to a restaurant like once.
Girl #1: That’s good.
Girl #2: Yeah, we hardly gave them any opportunities to be rude to us.

–Hunter North Building elevator, East 69th Street

Overheard by: Babs Monroe

Posted on November 8, 2005
Elevators, Etiquette, Food, Friends, Global Geography, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Then Explain West New York

Girl: So where do you live?
Guy: In Jersey City.
Girl: Is that in Jersey?

–Elevator, Greenwich & North Moore

Posted on November 8, 2005
Elevators, Global Geography, Idiots, Stupidity

Elevators