Old lady: Excuse me, how do I get to the second floor?
Intern chick: You just press “2” and wait for the elevator to go up.
Old lady: They just tell you what floor the exhibit is on, but they don’t tell how to get there!
–New-York Historical Society elevator, Central Park West
Overheard by: Ybelka
Guy #1: Man, how you gonna play like a kid came on to you? A four year old can’t even get it up.
Guy #2: How do you know? You hit on a four year old?
Guy #1: Nah, man. I was one.
–Elevator, Hudson & Houston
Overheard by: Michele
Guy: Did you see that woman? She looked at us like she’d never seen a black man before.
–NYU College of Dentistry elevator, East 24th Street
Dude #1: Yo, what’s up?
Dude #2: I know what’s going up.
Dude #1: The price of stamps?
Dude #2: This elevator don’t go down till the passengers get off. A samurai won’t sheath their sword without the taste of blood…Fool, my penis! Damn, you just broke the elevator. Way to go, homo.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Gary Wattson
Guy: That’s why people like me: for my vagina-cleansing properties.
–Times Square station
Overheard by: Thiess
Guy: Hey, you seen that movie Grizzly Man yet?
Girl: No, but I really really want to.
Guy: Yeah, it’s so good. Hey, you know they’re making a movie about the bear guy? Already! And guess who’s starring in it!
Girl: I dunno…
Guy: Leonardo da Vinci!
Girl: Who?
Guy: You know! Leonardo da Vinci! Leonardo da Vinci!
–New School elevator, 13th & 5th
Overheard by: Halli Civelek
Old lady: No, Henry, trust me. You were never a fuck machine, and I certainly did know how to fake it.
–113th & Broadway
Overheard by: Marc Mitchell
Man: When I told her I worked for the State of New York she seemed to
lose interest.
–F train
Teen girl: I would like to. Notwithstanding, I–
Old lady: Never say “notwithstanding” in New York. Too long a word for here.
Teen girl: Why the heck…?
Old lady: Notwithstanding and two financial empires have already
collapsed! Where are you from, by the way?
Teen girl: Missoula, Montana.
Old lady: You’re making my point, darling!…So, Redford says “notwithstanding”? No kidding?
Teen girl: Robert lives in Utah.
–Trump Tower elevator, 56th & 5th
Overheard by: Bertrand Latour
“Actress” #1: I have tennis elbow.
“Actress” #2: You do?
“Actress” #1: …Well, I don’t know what tennis elbow is.
–Elevator, 37th & 8th
