Food

Wednesday One-liners Go to the Park

Drunk hobo: Excuse me, sir, do you have Michael Jackson’s phone number?

–Central Park

Overheard by: alec

Girl on cell: Like, how many miles are in a square mile?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Glynnis

Guy on cell: No. You don’t understand. These girls are hungry. Tofu is not going to fucking do it.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Hambone Bootblack

Jogger lady: Oh, great, it’s raining. Thanks a lot, God.

–Central Park

Overheard by: mj

Man: That guy’s got a chicken. He’s gonna burn it! Hey man, don’t hurt the animals! He’s gonna burn the chicken!

–Tompkins Square Park

Overheard by: Alex Romanovich

I Asked for Lemon, Not Lip

Man: Yo, what are you selling?
Vendor: Gelato.
Man: What’s that?
Vendor: Read the sign…Fuck you.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Chris

Chinese Food Doesn’t Think It’s Better Than All Other Foods

Tourist guy: So what’s the difference between Korean and Chinese?
New York guy: You mean the food, or the people?
Tourist guy: Either one. But I only care about the food.

–Bayard & Mulberry

Overheard by: iiams

He’s on a Strict Sushi Diet

Panhandler: Forty dollars…anybody got forty dollars so I can eat? Anybody, forty dollars?
Businessguy: Forty dollars?
Panhandler: You want to make a deal? All right, thirty-five dollars.

–57th & 5th

Overheard by: Heather

Crazy in the Head, Crazy in the Bed

Asian guy: She’s crazy. She’s obsessed with death!
Pudgy White guy: But she’s hot.
Black guy: So what?
Pudgy White guy: Yeah, she’s crazy…but she’s hot. They kind of balance each other out, you know?

–F train

Overheard by: emdashes

Boyfriend: What about kitty?
Girlfriend: Oh, I could eat kitty. No really, I could make a great stir-fry with the cat.
Boyfriend: You would eat my cat?
Girlfriend: Ah, that would be a great way to get at you: eat your cat.

–St. Mark’s Place

“Put it in the fridge. That’ll make it warm.”

American businesschick: How is your food?
Russian businesschick: It’s OK, but my salad is cold.

–Cosi, 45th & 3rd

Maybe It Makes You Wet, Too

Woman #1: They have a new water called “Smart Water”.
Woman #2: Oh yeah? What’s up with that?
Woman #1: I don’t know…I guess it makes you smart or something.

–96th & Columbus

Overheard by: Paco

Those Meals Aren’t Quite McHalal

Hobo: Help me out, get me something to eat.
Girl: Can I buy you something from the deli?
Hobo: No…I can’t eat anything from there. I’m gonna get a Happy Meal. See, I pray seven times a day. Yeah, we Muslims can’t eat anything from there. Can you spare some change so I can get a Happy Meal?
Girl: No.

–Broadway & 92nd

Overheard by: Hannah Elka

Seems Like Mom’s Eggs Weren’t Quite Grade “A”

Girl: Can I have an egg omelette?
Chef: Um…yes, do you want anything in that?
Girl: Doesn’t it come with stuff in it?
Chef: Yes, what do you want in your omelette?
Girl: Eggs.
Chef: That it?
Girl: Actually, what kind of omelettes besides egg do you have?

–Penn Station

It’s Ham, Roasted Honey

Butcher: Would you like anything else today?
Lady: Not that I can think of. As a matter of fact I haven’t really been able to think of much all day. Must be all the vicodin….So how do I prepare this?
Butcher: It’s lunchmeat. You just eat it.

–Greenpoint market

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