Guy on cell: I'm gonna come over and give you a big hug before doomsday.
–Outside NYU Dorm
Guy holding up drunk friend: I have to hug the fat kid?! Why don't you try hugging a fat kid?
–LIRR, Penn Station
Overheard by: Laura
Hobo to startled girl: If you give me a dollar I won't hug you.
–7 Train
Small boy, loudly, after some take-off turbulence: The plane is going down… Everybody hug!
–Runway Strip, JFK
Overheard by: PSUny
Poetry slam emcee: Hi, everyone! Wow, what a great turnout…I think you're all Emma's friends. She's first, but we have a great line-up, so please don't leave. Stay!
Emma's friend, sotto voce: Dude, it's a poetry reading, even Emma is leaving unless you give everyone another drink ticket.
–Grand Street & Driggs, Brooklyn
Teen boy #1: …Well that one time, remember? I had the worst hangover and I got that frappuccino at Starbucks. That tasted just as good coming up as it did going down. Actually, it was delicious.
Teen boy #2: Ew…I kinda want one.
–Central Park
Dude: Who would win in a fight, Pinhead or Predator?
Chick: Definitely Predator.
Dude: But wait — is pinhead real?
–Brooklyn
Chick #1: What’s wrong, sweetie?
Chick #2: Well, for the past few weeks I’ve had… [lowers voice] genital warts.
Chick #1: Oh my god, sweetie. I’m so sorry. [Goes to hug friend, then stops] Oh, wait. We probably shouldn’t touch.
–Knockoff purse stall, Chinatown
Overheard by: Kelly
Headline by: Mike Chmiel
Runners-Up:
· “Don’t worry – circle, circle, dot, dot takes care of everything” – Melissa
· “I probably shouldn’t be sleeping with your boyfriend either.” – Rachel
· “Or we could just not hug with our vaginas” – Matt
· “We also should avoid rubbing our genitals on the same doorknob” – Mdan
Drunk hipster girl: If I was to drop dead in the middle of that party, all those frat boys would fuck my corpse.
Friend: Word.
–78th & Madison
Guy to friends: They broke up… He was only in the relationship for the free Nike gear anyway.
–Stone St.
Overheard by: Jen
Hipster dude: So Jane* is coming to the studio tonight to do some recording. Should I have her do it and then break up with her, or break up with her first and then have her do it?
–F Train
Overheard by: dianora
13-year-old girl on cell: What? You broke up with him? That’s so cruel! Um, can I date him?
–Thompson Street, The Village
Excited teen girl: This would be a great place to break up with some people!
–8th St Park
Girl on cell: They broke up? I always thought that them breaking up was like a joke, like saying you don’t like Brussels sprouts when you secretly do, but you just say it because it’s the first yucky vegetable that comes to your mind. But hey, that’s great!
–Outside the Frick Museum
Overheard by: A. Pincus
Guy, yelling from third story fire escape: Sarah! Sarah Whitlock! Don’t leave me! She meant nothing to me! Come back… Please! (pause) Okay, but I’m keeping the deposit!
–E 4th Street
Overheard by: Nima Shirazi
Pretentious NYU guy: You know what’s worse than being hypocritical? Going against your beliefs!
Friend: Ummm… That’s the definition of hypocritical.
Pretentious NYU guy: I know, but still.
–Starbucks, Washington Square
Lady: So my friend from Binghamton went up for homecoming, and he meets some townie. They had sex in an alley and then the hotel elevator and then the hotel room. But the funny thing was, he took the condom off midway…
Bewildered, agitated man: Wow.
Lady: So now all his friends think he has a disease.
Bewildered, agitated man: Did you know that cows say ‘moo’?
–Midtown
Overheard by: Mark Consuelos
Construction worker to another: I got a parking ticket today, but I'm just going to send it in not guilty, then send a lawyer to say my client can't make court today, then reschedule, then by then I'll already be on probation from that other thing!
Friend: Yeah, good idea, that should work.
–Brooklyn
