College kid #1: So, dude, are you going to do it?
College kid #2: No! I am not going to have sex with my sister! [People waiting in line turn around to look] Awww, fuck.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: B-rett
College kid #1: So, dude, are you going to do it?
College kid #2: No! I am not going to have sex with my sister! [People waiting in line turn around to look] Awww, fuck.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: B-rett
Woman #1: There is no ethical dilemma! It’s right there in the Bible!
Woman #2: Oh, Bible schmible.
Woman #1: Honestly, Helen. Is that the best rejoinder you can manage? Can we possibly have just one discussion without you pulling out the schmefix?
–Stuyvesant Town Oval
Overheard by: Laid-Off Dad
A guy is walking a dog with huge private parts.
Girl: Is that a boy dog or a girl dog?
Guy: I think it’s a girl.
Girl: That’s a pussy?
–23rd & 7th
Overheard by: Fatty McFingers
Woman #1: Wait, it had to be at least six inches, right?
Woman #2: Six inches?! Six inches?! Puh-lease… I wish! I could work with six inches. Hell, give me six inches, I could make balloon animals with that. Nah — this was more like two.
–95th & Broadway
Dad to whiny three-year-old daughter: And now you're going to try and manipulate me by crying.
–186th St & Ft. Washington Ave
Girl to friends: That's just the way the world is. You don't see me cryin' whenever someone calls me a fat bitch or a short bitch or an ugly bitch…
–23rd & 8th
15-year-old boy: Yo, I'd cry if that happened to me, but I'm just sensitive like that.
–A Train
Overheard by: pop pop
Girl: And then you know I take out my yo-yo and start dancing. And then you know I'm multi-tasking! I'm yo-yoing, dancing and crying all at the same time!
–LaGuardia High School
Woman on cell: Alex, stop crying. Stop crying. What about the breadsticks, were there at least breadsticks?
–34th & 6th
Pretty girl at hamburger exhibition: Wait, it's got pork in it? Do you even eat pork?
(pause) I mean… Not because you're Jewish, I just thought you didn't eat pork for some reason.
Tall male friend: I eat pork.
–Laundromat Gallery, Bushwick
Neighbor #1: Did you see the used condom on our doorknob?
Neighbor #2: No!
Neighbor #1: And it was inside out, too… All the lubricant was leaking out of it.
Neighbor #2: Lovely.
Neighbor #1: But I fixed them… I went and got napkins so I could peel it off of there without getting it all over me.
Neighbor #2, thoughtfully: You know, it could have been anyone in the building.
Neighbor #1: True!
–St. Mark’s & 2nd
Overheard by: tourist girl
White woman to friend: Wow, this is a great place to meet straight people!
–Madison Square Garden
Dude to female passenger: If I was straight, I'd be hitting that, but I'm not straight, so I won't be hitting that.
–Downtown A Train
Overheard by: Maggie
Yelling blonde: What's my type? He should be straight, that's my type.
–68th & Columbus
Amateur philosopher: If I wasn't straight, I'd totally be gay.
–Edward R. Murrow High School, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Headaches
Teen girl to friend: They're not gay! They're just old!
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Peter
11-year-old camper: When do we get off?
Younger friend: When it's time to get off. You can't rush time!
–1 Train
20-something girl, excitedly: I'm not hungover anymore!
Group of friends: Yay!
Friend: Let's start all over!
–F Train
